Coming to terms with trauma from the past

[HamSolo01]

I have had a rough week

I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medicalising it.
But I don't believe it is medical to call things trauma. It just is what it is. Trauma doesn't need to be medical.

I must not invalidate my own experience. I must be compassionate to myself. I must ground my compassion in the reality of my own experience. I can't lie to myself and I can't cherry pick or manipulate the truth.

Content/trigger warning:

Healing is always always possible. But having an understanding of what the thing is that has caused me grief or trauma in the past is key. I believe I now have.
I have heard it said that we only really come to terms with things from the past at a later stage - for me it looks like almost 10 years.
I've always been a high functioning person but what I haven't been is high performing. I guess I have answer now - the thing holding me back was never clearly articulated. I booked in to see my psych earlier than i had anticipated since last session.
Its a complex beast and I believe the more i work at understanding it the more i will be able to tame it.

The sun still rises and it sets just the same.

Last week working at the election was interesting because everyone i spoke to there was struggling at some level and had put an end to the things that bought them grief or trouble. I was the same.

I must learn to stop comparing myself to those around me now of a similar age or experience level or whatever. We all have our trauma and our history. It's just that some are more capable of hiding it. OR maybe some are fortunate enough to not have it. I mean its life isn't it? It is what it is.

Compare myself to who i was. That is when true growth begins

[HamSolo01]

Many thanks @mmMekitty @Mum Chris

I appreciate your support and help. I wanted to share something from the closing chapter of Gabor Mate's book - When The Body Says No.

Radical self compassion

Acceptance - The willingness to accept things as they are. The courage to permit negative thinking to inform our understanding w/o allowing it to define our approach to the future.
Awareness - Learning what the signs of stress are in our own bodies, how our bodies telegraph us when our minds have missed the cues
Anger - the energy that nature gives us as kids to stand forward on our behalf to say that I matter. This does not invade other's boundaries
Autonomy - The development of the internal centre of control.
Attachment - Connection with the world. Healing requires and implies regaining vulnerability that made us shut down emotionally in the first place. We permit ourselves to honour the universal need for connection.
Assertion - The declaration to ourselves and to the world that we are and that we are who we are
Affirmation - To make a positive statement, to move towards something of value.

I think these are good values to adopt going forward for me and I do hope that you find something beneficial in it.

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, HanSolo, for offering this to me. (& anyone reading?)

I'm not quite in accord with his definitions.

I am reminded how we use many of the same words, but might have meanings & associations in our minds, which are not exactly like what the person we are speaking to might have in their own mind. Often, I think, the differences are small & don't get us into any major misunderstanding. Sometimes the differences might be very great. & I can' imagine how difficult it is to convey clear ideas, thoughts, feelings, etcetera, when the speakers do not have a shared first language.

With this in mind, we owe it to everyone we talk to, to take a moment, maybe even ask, what the other is meaning when they use words that seem a little odd or as if we suspect they haven't understood the meaning of a word - maybe we don't know precisely what their meaning for the word is?

I have a sense I have not quite grasped this idea of 'radical compassion'. For me, it may seem radical because I don't see very much evidence of compassion in our social systems or in interpersonal relationships. Therefore, actively being compassionate is a very unusual thing to do, & that would make it seem radical.

I also think, thinking is neither positive or negative. Sometimes our thoughts & feelings are not helpful, sometimes they are, sometimes they go no further than being something thought or felt for a moment.

Strange to say, I am in many ways, a creature of habit, so do tend to label 'bad' & 'good', but would really like to stop doing that.

Awareness, I think has a wider application, which would (if it is deeply meaningful to you), I would include in one's awareness.

I trust he explores each more fully in the book, so I'll leave it here. Thanks again. I will, as I often do, think about what you & others write. I'm not on board with Gabor Matte, but still, he may have something that is helpful. It may be that in examining how he defines words, & how I do, will clarify my own thoughts.

Warmly,❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Hi hamsolo01

Its good to have a touchstone like those definitions and something to strive to. If you have an analytical brain and can investigate and reimagine and redefine you to what you want to be and live how you want to live. Investigation im finding is key to self. We all need to find positive thoughts and goals to rewrite what has been written into our bodies. For me I physically feel the mental and emotional abuse. I’m learning to take the wounds from there to my reasoning part of my brain so I can process without making myself sick and in pain. Word were often used against me so for me I’m learning to visualise happy safe content places. I have other supports and a mental health safety plan to help me through tough times. Tough times now are usually related to my therapy and deeper realisation and self discovery. I’m a good one for sticking everything in the metaphorical draw and ignoring it and getting on with life. I’m ok is my mantra till I wasn’t.

How often do you get to see your psych.
MC

[KAZ234]

Some 20yrs ago my husband had the terrible job of give over 100 men termination papers. I feel he really hasn't come to terms with this horrible job. He has suffered ever since with depression & anxiety. Had a medical retirement not long after.

Could this be ptss.

[mmMekitty]

Hello Kaz,

We couldn't say for sure, here. Even if we were qualified, we couldn't make any diagnoses by proxy.

Over the years, has he seen anyone to talk to about how he feels about that time in his life? If not, a good place to start would be the GP.

From what ou have said, it looks possible. Even if it is not actually PTSS or PTSD, he still may be helped with any symptoms of depression or anxiety, as you've mentioned.

Warm regards,

mmMekitty