Anxiety & PTSD related to suicide

[Guest_60495648]

Hi all, hoping there is someone I can connect with. I lost my husband to suicide 2 years ago and I was the one that found him. I have recently been diagnosed with Anxiety and PTSD. I have 3 kids, and the daily struggle is real. I have absolutely nothing in me, I find myself sitting all day and achieving nothing. This has been happening for the last 3 weeks. I’ve even stepped back from work as I have so much anxiety which leads to panic attacks that come on very suddenly. I do speak to a psychologist weekly at this stage, and feel good after I do speak to her, but that feeling also wears off very quickly and I’m back to being in a crap spot again. Has anyone got any suggestions based around on coping. Thank you x 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Guest_60496548,

I am so sorry for what you have experienced. It would be extremely hard and also being there for your kids and, as you say, just getting through each day. Stepping back from work is understandable. I'm glad you have the weekly contact with your psychologist.

I am diagnosed with Complex PTSD and have also had some single incident traumas. I can try sharing some things that have helped me, but only take on board these things if they feel helpful.

With the sitting all day, this is something I experience frequently myself. I can sit for a few hours in a blank space not able to move, get up or do anything. But what I have found can help mobilise me to do a task, such as the dishes or cook a meal, is putting a podcast on my phone on a topic that interests me, such as around my interest in photography. It is something about other human voices that sound friendly that provides some kind of reassurance and enables me to move. I then find I can proceed with a task and get through it. I also use podcasts to help me go to sleep at night. It seems to allow my nervous system to relax just enough to make that possible and I'll fall asleep while it's still running. I would recommend choosing a podcast with voices that are friendly and comforting and on a topic that interests you.

With panic attacks, these have alleviated for me to a large extent. They resulted from events that had caused shock to my system. I know what you mean about them coming on very suddenly. I did somatic work with my psychologist using a method called Somatic Experiencing. It is a gently titrated method that allows the body to begin feeling safety by tapping into the safer feelings that were in the body prior to the trauma. This can be a really useful resource when processing the trauma which in this approach often involves moving through whatever the body needed to do but couldn't at the time because of the freeze response which is a natural survival response. It's a way of releasing the trapped trauma response while always having these islands of safety to go to any time you need them. But this is very sensitive work so I'm not necessarily advocating it, but you could ask your psychologist about ways of accessing feelings of safety and goodness through positive memory associations which you can focus on without necessarily going into trauma processing at this point. For me, I'd get stuck in panic attacks unable to breathe. Through doing this work I have been able to breathe more normally again.

I have also found ongoing interactions with kind, understanding people to be very helpful. People do not always know what to say or do following an event like a suicide, but there are people trained quite well in these areas. One phone line I have called several times now is The Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467. Assisting people who have lost someone to suicide is one of the things they do. I found them very helpful when I was really troubled. They really helped ground me quite quickly and it de-escalated the amount of distress I was experiencing. If you are feeling really strong anxiety I would recommend them in that that was what I was experiencing each time and they seemed to know how to hold space for me and I was able to feel more settled. It might be useful in between the visits with your psychologist.

I've also found time in nature helps. I wonder if going out into nature with your kids, only if you feel able to of course, may also be at least a bit calming and a kind of safe space where you can release some stress. I have found contact with dogs helps too in that they bring me into the present.

I won't write anymore but just want to send you support. Go gently and take good care.