We Are More Than We Are!

[Donte]

Looking back at my life I see diversity within diversity. I have always been 'a bit of this and a bit of that' but not completely. Often the various roles of my life are in antagonism. My birth was unplanned and not welcomed. My mother was a teenager. My father in the army. Grew up in Greece but my parents had embraced a protestant faith. Grew up feeling 'different', culturally, spiritually, religiously, socially, and sexually. A minority within minorities. This deeply engraved in me feelings of shame, guilt, fear, void and a sense of not-belonging. An abusive childhood, migration as a teen, attempts to 'fit in' by getting married, later falling in love with someone of the same sex and 'coming out' in my mid thirties, divorcing, bankruptcy, life-limiting illness, death of my partner and having full custody of my child whom I raised are some of the significant elements that shaped my path and perhaps contributed to my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, including night terrors, and mood swings that have tormented me for a number of decades. Entering middle-age as an empty-nester, widower living with chronic illness and as someone not defined by my ethnicity, cultural background or faith and with no family in Australia to support me as I face the challenges of aging, I can say that the thing that gives me hope for the future is that I have always being resilient and bounced-back no matter what the challenge. Traumatic experiences and stigma have forced me to embrace and honor my personal truth and remind me daily of the importance of staying true to myself regardless of how others may view me. My experience can be summarized in three stages: 1) overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, fear and shame and trying to 'hide' from these through denial; 2) compensating, by trying to work hard to neutralize the effects in my life by being more successful etc. in a desperate attempt to forget or soothe my internal pain and endeavor to escape it; 3) cultivating authenticity, by beginning to build a life based upon my own passions and values rather than trying to 'fit in' to cultural or religious norms. Until I was able to re-examine my life, I was not able to realize the undercurrent of shame that has carried me into a life that often wasn't fulfilling. I had to accept myself for the person I am, not the one my community, church or family wished for. I feel honored to be able to share my story and give and receive support through this forum.

Thank you for the opportunity.

[Hayfa]

Hi Donte' and Pepper,

What wonderful reflections on life.
I agree with you Donte', our life situations teach us to understand our experiences and learn something about ourselves that transpire from the engagement and learning with others.
I view life as a movie, you direct, produce and star in it. you choose who is in it and throughout your years you are continually starring in it, changing scenes, working on it, enhancing it and engaging with others. The movie won't come to an end until it is supposed to get ready for a brand new director to take it over in its next life of a new movie and once again the cycle begins, you again become the creator of all opportunities set before you.

life really is about intentions and for me choosing the right ones by asking myself the right questions make for what I hope are good decisions. In my community and culture there is much emphasis on following a spiritual journey with emphasis on being true to yourself and those around you, reciprocating love and help to others because the deeds in your life will determine what things you may be challenged with in the next life.

You may not know what is coming but by choosing with good intentions you are sure to create something that is good, feels right and is perfect for you at that time.

Hayfa

[Donte]

Hi Hayfa,

Thank you for your beautiful feedback! That’s a lovely parallelism - life/movie.

Beautiful way of seeing the self within its context and placing responsibility of our actions to ourselves - the Directors, but also taking the steps to put things into practice - the Producers and act accordingly - the Actors.

Of course not everyone in a community has the same views and outlook on life as no group of people is ever homogenous. But this is such a great way to see things. I am sure many can relate from your own but also other communities and backgrounds.

Going with our gut feeling and instincts and having good intentions no matter what the outcome may be, could indeed leave us at a calm place with peace of mind that we have done the best we can despite of what will happen next. I believe this is a great way to live and learn. And if our good intentions fail us then we learn to forgive and forget and accept consequences initiating change and move on trying by something different.

I believe the best way we can have peace of mind is when our heart (emotions), our mind (logic), and our gut feeling (intuition) are all aligned and we proceed in that knowledge as we have evaluated and examined all aspects prior to making a choice and acting out a particular deed. This process surely minimizes anxiety and fear of outcome, depression and feelings of disappointment if we fail and mental anguish.

All this is a life-long process that assists in self-awareness and acceptance, helping us to understand and embrace our true nature and live authentic lives based on our individual truths the way we have experienced them within our group setting and life’s context.

Thank you for such a great insight.