New Immigrant Feeling Lost and Alone

[LostInAustralia]

Hi,

I don't usually frequent these kinds of forums, but I am at a loss about what to do next. I am a long term expat who has arrived with my Australian husband over a year ago. While in our former postings it took me a while to settle in, make friends, and feel like I belong, things have been taking a lot longer here. I haven't been able to make the network of friends I would have done in other places, in spite of finding work, joining clubs and classes, trying meetup, reaching out to random people at cafes... my usual tactics don't seem to be working. People are just too busy, or not interested in acquiring new friends, or I can't talk to them about interests in common, no one seems to have a background like me, and if they do, I am not finding these people. Where are they?

I suppose it doesn't help that before my husband and I were in the same situation, but now he has fallen back into his old social groups and hobby (which I don't share). His friends are nice, but not the people I would call up on the phone. He seems to be oblivious to my struggle, I am sure he is not, but I feel like he is living his life and has forgotten what it used to be like to not have a network.

I have come to a point where I am wondering what the point of being here is aside from my husband, who I am crazy about and when he is here everything does go a bit better. But he travels about 2 weeks of every month, so I am left to my own devices. I have gotten tired of going to Meetups and reaching out to people with no result, the few friends I have are from my home country for the most part but to be honest I don't really click with them. This is the first time, having lived in 4 countries, that I haven't been able to find a "tribe" and a reason to exist apart from my love for my husband.

I would appreciate any advice, bearing in mind that I have tried all the usual stuff to "get a life" in Australia because I am at a loss as to what I am doing wrong. This is really affecting how I feel about myself and my ability to reach out, it all just seems pointless. I am usually very good at this, what am I doing wrong?!

Thanks...

[LostInAustralia]

Hi Pukkumyy,

It is good to hear I am not the only immigrant here 🙂 . I have a super flexible work schedule and am very available during the day, but not so much at night due to family comittments, so that does make it hard for me to meet people my age when they are most available, you are spot on with the whole work/commute thing.

Regards,

Lost in Australia

[Doolhof]

Hi Lost in Australia,

Hope you are starting to feel a bit more like you belong here. The outing with the Ladies sounds like it went okay.

You are right about expectations! The main thing is to not feel too deflated when things don't turn out as you had hoped, wanted or planned.

I will share another story about trying to connect with people, so once again you will realise trying to relate to people and connect can be anyone's problem.

We moved to this region 4 years ago. I am a Christian so decided to find a new Church. I went to one Church, sat down and was told I was sitting in someone's seat! Another time I said hello to the lady next to me and she turned her back on me. One guy glared at me the whole service.

Another time there were only about 12 people in the Church. After the service I tried to chat to people but they all closed ranks in their tiny little groups and didn't say anything more than good morning back to me.

Thankfully I found a Church where I was greeted warmly at the door, I was invited to join them after for morning tea, and when I did so people actually came up, introduced themselves and talked to me.

So once again as you can see, some people just don't want to be with other people for one reason or another.

As you have time free during the day, would you consider some volunteer work where you could meet people? Even if it is once a fortnight.

You might like to use the time to check out the art galleries, museums and other places of interest around you. Strike up a conversation with the people also in those places. You may well never see them again, but you will be communicating with someone.

Another thing, apart from the Aboriginals who have been here for centuries, the rest of us Aussies are all fairly new to this country one way or another! We are a mixed bunch. Many nationalities have called Australia home through the years.

It might be interesting to borrow books on Australian migration history and see which nationalities came to Australia since the Europeans arrival. Some of it is not happy reading when you read of the exploitation of different nationalities being brought to Australia for slave labour.

As a nation we have a lot to be proud of and also a lot to be ashamed of as well. The thing is to try to make all people feel welcome here.

I will stop my ramble now! Cheers from Mrs. Dools