What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[Guest8901]

Hi Mia and thanks for taking the time for providing an update.

Good to hear that you are enjoying the TAFE this week. I dont think it matters that you already know much of it from having already been in the workplace. They still need to go through all that anyway. Never hurts to reinforce things, even for a highly intelligent young lady such as yourself. Glad there are at least a few familiar faces for you to have around you.

Happy to hear you are keeping in touch with your counsellor, and that you will be seeing her again next Tuesday. Very important right now I feel.

Yes I expect it is difficult to find the time to get to the gym now that you are doing TAFE and/or working shift work. And I do sympathise about you wanting to hide the evidence of self harm. With autumn weather finally upon us, you will be able to cover up a little more now with warmer gym gear. Its important that you continue to do some regular exercise, so please do try.

Fantastic that you spent some time with your friend over the weekend. Again its important that you dont isolate yourself. I can accept that you do so at TAFE to some extent, but dont cut yourself off from your good friends. They know you, love you and will support you, no matter what.

Yep, I know what you mean about not being able to concentrate on reading. I have a book I started over 12 months ago. It was a great book and I got well into it, but then anxiety and depression took hold and I just lost interest and could no longer concentrate on it. Every time I tried I would read a page then have to reread it all over again because it just wasnt registering. Very frustrating exercise, so I gave up. The book still sits beside my bed, urging me to pick it up again. So far I havent felt able to. Maybe soon though.

Stay well Mia, and remember I am here to talk any time you wish.

Amanda

[Mia001]

Hi Amanda,

Thank you so much for your support here as it really means a lot to me. 💕

This week at TAFE has been a long one. There’s so much to learn... Last time I was at TAFE I let things slip and ended up doing assessments the day before they were due. This time I’m determined to study and do assignments asi go. That’s the plan anyway. It will probably all go out the window by week 6. 🙄

I’m seeing my GP tomorrow morning to review my meds. I’m hoping to get to the gym and do some homework before my shift in the afternoon. It’s going to be a busy day!

I am feeling a bit more comfortable at work and I think I’m slowly adjusting. I’m trying to focus on being more organised and communicating with other staff. It’s so different to my fast food job. I miss it actually. I stopped by for a meal the other day. It made me realise how much I miss it... everyone said hi and asked where I’d been, even people I didn’t know that well.

Mia

[Guest8901]

Sweet Mia. Thanks for your reply, especially since I know how busy you must be.

I really hope you are able to stick with your plan to get your TAFE assignments done as you go, and in before they are due. It will reduce the pressure on you.

You were to see your GP today. How did the review of your meds go? Sounds like a busy day planned, but I'm hoping you managed to fit in some time at the gym in between all your other commitments.

Really happy to hear that you're selling more comfortably into a work routine.

That must have felt odd turning up at your former work place for a meal. It should have given you a warm glow and felt good for people to be asking after you. I guess you have some decisions to make in the months to come. But remember your ultimate dream job, and what will lead you there.

The aged care industry may well be different, and more of a challenge for you. But you are more than capable of meeting any challenges necessary.

I hope your week is a good one. Sending love, encouragement and care your way.

Amanda

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

You probably think I have abandoned you as I have not posted for a short while. I am sorry about this and in particular when I read you are going through a tough time. Unfortunately I have been a little unwell. All good now.

Have you told your counsellor you are self harming again? I think it is important to do this. She may have some ideas on how to help you manage without hurting yourself. Can you have a long warm bath with lots of lovely bath crystals and scented oils. Just to lie there and let the water relax you. I have sometimes taken a book to read but it's not always successful trying to keep the book dry. Perhaps a battery operated CD player with your favourite music. Listening to my favourite music and singers helps me lots.

A new job is always stressful even for those who are used to starting new jobs. The first few weeks can be upsetting as we learn new routines and deadlines etc. When you are working with people it can become more difficult as you pay attention to their needs. The manager and other staff are used to helping new people settle in so try not to worry.

It's interesting how we see jobs when we have left that place. I'm glad you were welcomed and missed. I suggest you feel you want to return because it is so familiar. In a few weeks this new job will feel familiar and you will feel part of the establishment. I have never been good going to new places and starting different jobs. I just have to tell myself I can do the work and the awkwardness will disappear. Of course it's not as easy as that but it does help.

I am a volunteer in a day respite centre for older people, particularly those who need more assistance in day to day living. They are a great bunch of people although many of them on somewhere on the Alzheimer scale. I am part of the pastoral care team. We have a great time with discussion groups and they enjoy revisiting their past. But it is hard work at times.

TAFE is a large part of your life and it is important to you that you do well. Can you set aside times to write assignments and read text books? I went to uni part time as a mature age student and I was often finishing an assignment the day before it needed to be handed in. At the end of the uni year I found I needed the long break to recuperate and get ready for next year. I enjoyed it but it was a hard slog.

Remember to look after yourself, especially with your diet. Drink lots of water.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi everyone,

Mary - No need to apologise, things happen. I’m glad you’re feeling better now. 😊

Another busy day ahead of me. I’m going to the gym, seeing my counsellor, doing my driving test and working tonight! I’m hoping to fit in some time to study as well. Tomorrow is my day off and I’m sure it will be a welcome break. I think I’m coming down with a cold. 🤧

My counsellor knows that I have self harmed recently, but not that it’s happened since our last appointment also. I’ll tell her today. She has suggested some things I can do. Mostly self care, something I’ve been neglecting. My goal is to do something nice for myself every day. I’m also trying to spend some time my friends as I haven’t been doing that lately either.

My GP has increased my meds since there doesn’t appear to be any side effects. I’m hoping they will start to take effect soon.

I’m planning to spend a few hours studying every day. Also, I’ll try to work on assignments as I go, answering the questions that I know the answers too, rather than doing the whole assignment at once. That will hopefully reduce my workload and make things easier for me.

I spoke to my supervisor at work yesterday. I just wanted to check in with how I was going. She was really nice, and reassured me that I’m going okay. She suggested taking less shifts if things become too overwhelming. She is also trying to roster me with staff that I’m most comfortable working with.

Mary, it’s great that you’re doing pastoral care with older people. I think sometimes spiritual/emotional needs are overlooked as physical care is such a huge part of aged care. Nursing staff usually don’t have the time to sit and talk with an individual resident so it’s really important to have volunteers and staff dedicated to pastoral care.

Yes, I definitely need to remember to drink water! I realised at lunch time yesterday that I hadn’t had a drink since breakfast. 🥛

Hugs,

Mia xx

[Guest8901]

Hi Mia. Great to hear from you Tuesday. I was going to respond then, but with such a busy day for you, I decided to wait. I didnt want you to feel obliged to respond to posts on your day off yesterday either, so I waited until now.

How are you after a couple of very busy days Mon-Tues and a day off yesterday? I see you had your counsellor appointment, time at the gym, a driving test and work in the evening ... all Tuesday. Hmm, a lot for anyone. How did it all go? Oh and before I forget, are you now a P-plate driver?

I note that you were thinking that you may have been coming down with a cold on Tuesday. Did that eventuate, and if so, does it mean you cant work at the nursing home?

I really hope you're keeping up the self care that your counsellor asked you to do. Do you keep a diary at all? It may be a good idea to jot down things you need to do each day. And include some self care things - it could be simple things like 1) go to the library 2) go to the gym 3) listen to some music 4) spend time with your cat 5) call into a coffee shop and enjoy a cuppa. Writing them all down, alongside other must-do things such as appointments or work, reinforces the importance of actually doing self care. Make sure you tick them off each day too. This may help to ensure you do something nice for yourself each day. Make it a routine.

I too hope your increased AD meds will soon have a positive effect for you. Its so frustrating waiting though isnt it? You'll get there eventually. Obviously the least dose possible, while still maintaining effectiveness, is better.

It sounds as though your supervisor at work is very kind and thoughtful. How nice of her to try to roster you with others with whom you are most comfortable. She obviously values you Mia, and its a good suggestion of hers to perhaps take fewer shifts for the moment. You are trying to juggle such a lot. So give it some thought.

What you say Mia is right when it comes to people spending time with aged care residents. Staff do what they can, but there is only so much they can do. Its the reason why I've decided to volunteer in the aged care sector. I've already applied through our local volunteer network and nominated aged care as my first preference. Not sure when I can get a start, but will wait until I see where they want me to go. I've said I need to remain flexible due to my husbands illness, appointments, etc. But they dont seem to think thats a problem.

Take good care Mia.

Amanda

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

You have quite busy lately. Sometimes that's a good thing and gives you an idea of how fit (physically and emotionally) you are.

Meds take up to six weeks to completely kick in. They come in with a bang at once, it's incrementally and we often do not notice the changes. Also, if you have been on a low dose it will not be as obvious. Take an inventory of yourself during the past few days and compare with four weeks ago. When you start looking it can be a bit of an eye opener.

Have you taken your driving test? How did you go? I do hope you passed and will be far more independent. It's rather a nice feeling. When I passed my test I got the driving instructor to drop me at home. I cut the L plates of and was so pleased. Then I drove to work and announced my great (to me) news. No one believed me. I was so shocked. However I showed them the paperwork so then I was congratulated. This was in England and at that time there was not much tradition of women driving.

How was your session with your counsellor? I hope all went well.

Lovely to have some positive feedback from your manager. Well done for asking and I hope that makes you feel more comfortable.

Setting aside a short time each day and creeping up on your reading and assignments sounds good. It will help with panic attacks. I used to have these good resolutions and still frequently was working through the assignment at the last minute. When I did work systematically it was so much easier that I wondered if I had forgotten to do something.

You are moving forward even when you believe you are standing still or going backward. All these experiences add up to the way you operate and the way you interact with others. I do not recommend depression as a way to become compassionate but it usually has this effect.

Mary

[Mia001]

I now have my P plates! I’m pretty excited. There was a time when I thought I’d never get my license! I’ve been driving myself to work the last few days.

The appointment with my counsellor went okay. We talked about Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS 🐜). It’s interesting to notice my thoughts over the last few days. I constantly think the worst and beat myself up for being unmotivated. My counsellor has asked me to send her an email with what I’d like to talk about next Tuesday. I’ve been finding it hard to open. There are things that I really need to talk about but I keep freezing up. Sending an email might make it easier.

I’ve called in sick at work for today and tomorrow. I have cold, but mostly it’s just exhaustion. Hopefully a few days respite will be all I need.

I have improved mentally in the last week. Hopefully its because the meds are kicking in. I’ve been low again for a few days. I self harmed again on Thursday. I had a nightmare about being abused which I think may have triggered me. Not of an actual event, but scary nonetheless.

I’m trying to keep doing self care, especially this weekend. I caught up with my best friend this week. I haven’t seen her for so long! It was really nice.

Amanda - Volunteering sounds like a great idea! It will be very rewarding. Be careful not to take on too much though.

Hugs,

Mia

[Guest8901]

Oh Mia, thats really good news about getting your license. Well done, and congratulations. 🌹 🎉

More when I feel less down, just didnt want your achievement to go unrewarded.

Hope your week is a good one.

Amanda 💜

[Guest8901]

Hi Mia,

Back to say hi and to check that you're doing okay this week. So hi ... and are you? Doing okay that is.

How is the driving going? It must be good to have that added independence that having your license gives.

Your discussion about ANTS sounds interesting. Never heard of that before, so I must look it up and learn some more about that. Did you email your counsellor to let her know what you wish to talk about next Tuesday? Oops ... or was that for this week? If this week, hope it went well. What did you learn this time?

I note you had the weekend off work due to the cold and general exhaustion. I hope you're feeling better by now, both physically and emotionally.

Really sorry to hear that recent nightmares have likely triggered your latest self harm incident. Even if the nightmares are not directly related to your actual trauma, they are still scary. They are not called nightmares for no reason after all. It is hoped that your ADs would be having some effect by now, and if you are starting to feel that there are some benefits starting to creep in, then it sounds likely. Its the same with me actually. A recent event sank me back to the depths of despair, but I have come back up again quicker than I normally would I think. I can only attribute it to the ADs. I hope by now you too have managed to pick yourself back up after your recent low.

Keep doing all the things you know you should - self care, distraction, doing things you enjoy, exercise, etc. Great you managed to catch up with your friend. Try to do more of that if at all possible.

Yes I am looking forward to doing some volunteer work at the aged care facility. One step closer now, so hoping to start in a week or two. I will be under the guidance of an activities officer at a facility fairly close to my home, which is good. Not too much travelling involved and not away from home for too long at any time. As for taking on too much? Well, I need to do something other than sit at home all day long looking after a sick husband. I suspect it isnt good for him, or for me.

Well, its almost the end of another week. Goodness the time flies by so quickly. For me, another week of nothing. Must make some changes, and quickly.

Sending you a hug darling girl.

Amanda 💜