What happened doesn't have to define me

Mia001 · ‎23-06-2017

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

Mia001 · ‎18-01-2018

Hi James,

I did send my counsellor an email. I can’t say I’m not anxious about our next appointment 😏 but at least she finally knows what happened to me. I’ve spent so much time hiding my pain, that I guess I don’t want to admit even to myself how much this has hurt me.

I have been feeling good in the past 6 weeks, but lately I’ve been isolating myself more and more and I know it’s not good. I just don’t want to spend time with my friends and family. I desperately want someone who understands to be here with me, because I feel so alone. It’s like there’s only me stuck inside my head, trapped in a place where no one else can go and that no one else will ever understand. Right now, I’m just feeling so confused and tired.

I’m not really doing much before I start the Diploma. Just working towards my P’s and saving money. I’m back at work, which has been really quiet.

Mia

Guest8901 · ‎30-01-2018

Hi Mandy,
Sorry I didn’t write back sooner, I don’t have great internet access at the moment. I don’t think we’ve met before. 😊
This probably isn’t the place to talk, but I just feel so alone. My counsellor is sick so I can’t see her, and there’s no one to talk to. Maybe we could chat on my thread? What happened doesn’t have to define me (it’s in Long term support over the journey.)
Mia

Hello Mia. I just copied and pasted your message to me in the Cafe a little earlier. Well, I managed to find you! And I've read a fair bit of your thread, enough at least to understand what you're likely going through. No, I dont recall having met you before. I only started posting at the end of December, so havent been around very long. And I havent ventured too far from the safety of my own thread so far. Although I have started getting into the Cafe a bit recently, usually when its a bit quieter.

I note that you havent posted here in almost 2 weeks. Does that mean you've been a little better since then, or conversely does it mean you havent felt up to posting? I note then that you'd been feeling pretty good for 6 weeks but then found you'd begun isolating yourself more recently. You also say you need someone to talk to who understands, that you feel very alone. Its never a good sign where you're isolating yourself and no longer get enjoyment from things you normally enjoy.

Its very unfortunate your counsellor is sick right now. When will you be able to see her again, do you know? Actually I have my first psych appointment this Thursday, which I'm getting myself totally worked up about right now. Silly I know, but I just cant help it. Chatting here helps take my mind off it a little.

My situation is totally different to your own. I was assaulted a long time ago and have struggled off and on since. A few other issues along the way, and now I'm often in a bad way with it all. I have left assessment and treatment a long time before doing anything about it. So you're actually well ahead of me in that regard. Very brave of you and quite the inspiration, I must say.

Sending yo wishes for a belated Happy Birthday. Awww, you're so young! And you have so much to look forward to. Getting your licence, saving some money, starting your diploma. It also means lots of changes for you, and you're going through all this counselling which must be frightfully hard for you.

If you wish to have someone to talk to, I'll be here when I can. Lovely to meet you.

Amanda

Mia001 · ‎31-01-2018

Hi Mandy,

I’ve been here since June, so a little bit longer but I still stay on my own thread a lot too. 😊

I have been checking my thread occasionally to see if anyone replied, but I haven’t felt like writing. I’m just tired of fighting this, tired of being stuck in a never ending cycle. Every time I think I’m getting better, I find myself sliding backwards again. Somehow it feels easier and safer to be alone, even though I know it’s not what I really want.

After our last appointment, I sent my counsellor an email telling her what happened to me, something I avoid talking about. I’m really glad that she knows. But doing that seems to have brought everything back to the surface and it’s hard. I knew this was going to be hard, but I don’t think that I fully realised just HOW hard.

I’m not sure when I’ll see her again. I got a phone message from her supervisor? saying that my appointment is canceled since she’s not well. I’m hoping she’ll be back in a week.

All the best for your psych appointment tomorrow! I hope it goes well. I think it’s normal to be worked up before an appointment, especially your first. I know I was, and I still get really anxious, especially before we start.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It means a lot to me.

Hugs,

Mia

Guest8901 · ‎31-01-2018

Thanks for the hug Mia. I am getting really nervous about tomorrow, so that was really nice. Obviously you know what its like, so would well understand.

Its true that recalling the past will bring everything to the surface again. Like you, I spent a long time pushing things to the back of my mind, and not dealing with any of it. I've learned after a lot of years, that it just isnt successful. So despite the pain and difficulties that will inevitably ensue, I'm starting to think that bringing past traumas into the open and dealing with them, is the only way we can recover and grow. At least right now, thats where my thoughts sit.

I hope your counsellor will be back for next week. It's good that emailing her has been a more successful means of communicating the more difficult aspects of your experience. Well done, I expect it would be a relief to finally get that off your chest and have her know what the real issues are. I'm sure your counsellor would be very happy that you're finally able to open up about it, and hopefully find it a healing process. Is she giving you methods to help you cope with things in between appointments? I dont know, things like relaxation techniques, suggesting things you do - eg exercise, hobbies, etc?

Its my pleasure to take the time to talk with you. I hope I can do so again. Perhaps we can even compare notes along the way. My apologies in advance if I can't reply to you immediately.

Amanda

Mia001 · ‎01-02-2018

Hi Mandy,

There are always a few exceptions to the rules, but I think talking works for most people. It’s not easy, but I definitely think it’s worth it. You just have to find what works for you. Keep checking how you’re going, acknowledge your progress, and if something isn’t working, talk to your counsellor/psych about it.

Writing down my thoughts, listening to music, or walking is usually my go to. My counsellor has taught me some relaxation techniques to use when I’m anxious (and some for when I’m bored at work 😂). Unless I’m very distressed, they seem to work well.

I would love to keep chatting and compare notes with you. Anyway, it’s 3:40am and I have to leave for work soon, so I guess we’ll talk later.

Hugs,

Mia

White_Rose · ‎01-02-2018

Hello Amanda

I hope all goes well with your psych appointment. Is this a psychologist or a psychiatrist? I also have an appointment this morning with my psychiatrist.

Bringing old hurts into the light is so good after trying to bury them. I hope you have a profitable time with the psych.

Mary

Guest8901 · ‎01-02-2018

Hello again Mia, and thanks for your reply at 3.40am. An early start at work for you, but as I understand it you live out of town so I guess there is some driving time involved for you. Speaking of which, how is the driving going, and when do you think you'll be ready to go for your Ps?

I'm feeling really uptight, fidgety and nervous this morning, so I'm trying to fill in a bit of time and by doing things to take my mind off this mornings psych apt. Like you, I live out of town, and this psych is not at my local small town, but a larger town nearby. Its about a 50 min drive for me which isn't too bad.

I'm happy to hear that you feel talk therapy is helpful and worth the difficulty involved. Thats pretty reassuring actually, as I embark on this same route myself. Its a big decision to see help for something you've never been able to talk about or to accept.

I hope you have a good day at work, and thanks for the hug, which I happily reciprocate. Yes, I feel sure we will talk again. Thanks Mia.

Amanda

White_Rose · ‎01-02-2018

Hello Mia

Sorry to take so long before replying. Had a bit of a rough time for the past two weeks but getting myself back together.

In general being alone or withdrawing from others can be unhelpful, but can help at other times. You have worked hard to win a plan on the course and getting yourself ready to start can be a bit daunting. I think you are going to continue working while you study. Please do not wear yourself out. Being alone can give you a space to read and complete assignments so do not spend all your time with others.

I like being alone at times. It gives me a feeling of peace and allows me to keep in contact with that part of my body. Like all things having a space to know yourself is a line call. Let yourself be what you need at the moment.

Mary

Guest8901 · ‎01-02-2018

Thank you Mary, thats very kind of you. I have seen you around of course, but we havent spoken before. Nice to meet you.

I'll be seeing a Clinical Psychologist today, my first psych experience. Thanks for your well wishes, I appreciate your thoughts.

I hope your psychiatrist apt goes well for you too.

Kindest

Amanda

White_Rose · ‎01-02-2018

Hello Amanda

Thank you. I have seen you around also and I think I have written posts following yours. It's good to say hello.

I have been seeing this psych for a while and am very comfortable with her. Unfortunately she works in the city which means driving is a problem because of parking costs. The train goes almost to her door so that's OK but I have to wait for the train to get home. However, I can get there quite easily and I know many people simply cannot access psychological help.

Mary