What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[Guest_9809]

Hello again Mia. Thought I'd take my last chance to catch up before I leave bright (I hope) and early in the morning. Yes my Mum will appreciate me visiting, I could tell when I spoke to her today to confirm that I would be down tomorrow.

What sort of music are you partial to in particular? You probably wont even have heard of most of my favourite artists and songs from the 60s, 70's and 80s era. (-: I like a lot of the modern music as well, not all old stuff.

Its pleasing that you are looking forward to Saturdays psych appointment. It indicates to me that you need to tell your story. I hope you get to do so, and that it is the commencement of your road to acceptance and recovery.

I can see that you are in safe and caring hands during my absence this week, with both James and Mary offering advice and support to you. I'm happy now. (-:

I'll definitely check in with you again upon my arrival home on the weekend.

Hugs

Taurus xx

[Mia001]

Hi White Rose,

It's good to hear from you again! Sorry to learn that you haven't been well; hopefully you'll fully recover soon.

I will definitely look into the NSW legal aid. It would be great to have a definitive answer to all my questions. It can be hard to find out information without giving it away.

I'm just finding everything hard at the moment. There's so much going on and I'm not coping well. Yeah, I have my ups and downs, but I know that in the end, I'm going to be okay. What happened to me doesn't have to define who I am.

I haven't talked to my brother about it since he first told me. I've told him what I think and he won't listen anyway. He can be so stubborn sometimes. (just like me!) I'm still worried about him though. I wonder whether he has already tried it and was just testing the waters to see what I said. He has done that a few times in the past. Anyway, there's not really anything more I can do. He knows I'm here for him, and I just hope that he doesn't learn the hard way.

I've started writing notes for my appointments because I tend to get distracted with side issues, and not focus on the main problem. It helps me to relax and I'm always more settled if everything is organized.

I'd love to keep chatting with you 🙂

Mia

[Mia001]

Hi James,

It's been great talking to you 🙂

Yeah, I was a bit confused about the syncing to start with. I think I've got the hang of it though. I have iTunes on my laptop so I sync my music from there. The only thing we've not figured out is how to get album art for all my music. Slightly annoying but I'm just a perfectionist! I have used Spotify before and I like using it to find new songs. I don't like to rely on it to play my music though because I don't always have the internet.

I'm really looking forward to Saturday. I've got a lot to talk about so hopefully, I'll have time to cover it all! Hope your session goes well too 🙂

Talk to you later,

Mia

[Mia001]

Hi Taurus,

You probably won't see this until you get back but I'll reply anyway.

I have heard some older music, but you're right I probably wouldn't have heard most of the songs you like! Mum might know some of it though 🙂 I like a wide range of music, all from the early 2000's and onward. It consists mostly of pop with some pop rock, rock and country pop. I always choose music that I can relate too and I'm very fussy so most of the time I only have 1-2 songs by each artist. I like most of Taylor Swift's music, though I prefer her earlier albums. I also like Kelly Clarkson because she has a great voice, and I've got a few songs from each of her albums. My all time favourite song would be "Piece by Piece" (has to be live version though)

I'm glad you won't worry about me while you away. I'm sure I'm in good hands 🙂

Looking forward to talking to you when you get back,

(hugs) Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Thanks for your reply. I am getting around again. I had a chest infection which didn't respond to hints to leave until I brought in the big guns, antibiotics.

Is there anything particular that is making life hard for you? Yes, we all have our ups and downs and I often wish I could have just the ups. However the down days do show us how much we have moved on. The down times are easier to handle, we learn not to stress too much and most of all we learn patience. Well I do and I need to remember that every day. So even the down time teaches us something.

I'm with Taurus on the music favourites. My choice is 50s, 60s and 70s and I also enjoy classical music. Not keen on jazz but enjoy some blues music. Not a big country music fan but I do like John Denver though I never consider him a C & W singer, more a throwback to the 60s protest songs. I like gardening though I do have someone to do the heavy stuff these days. I also like sewing, as in making dresses for my granddaughters, and embroidery. I had a great time for several years tracing my family history but I don't get much time these days. I find it quite addictive.

Do you have any favourite hobbies or activities? My granddaughters are expecting their new dresses soon. I have paper patterns and fabric spread out on my dining table but am having difficulties deciding which style of dress and fabric will be best for each one. Decisions, decisions!

Mary

[james1]

Hey Mia,

Haha I totally know what you mean about feeling like a perfectionist and wanting to have those album covers. My friends used to download music illegally so I'd get some of those and be bugged to no end by the fact that the song names might not be exact or not capitalised, and I needed to google the album covers, album release date, etc etc. It was a pain!

About your brother, I know what it is like to be very worried. I have a younger sister who's 18 now (I'm 25) and one of the things I try to do is just to let her grow up. There will be limits of course, but unless something is going to go really horribly wrong, I try to trust that she'll be able to make mistakes in her own course of time, and know what to do. Just like when we were kids and our parents watched while we went on the monkey bars. Who knew if we'd fall and hurt ourselves? But we'd learn and pick ourselves off the ground again.

So I think it's good that you're telling him how you feel without being overbearing. He knows you're there for him and, honestly, if he learns the hard way, he's a smart enough guy to know not to do it again. We've all been burnt by things before, then learnt not to do it again.

I saw your reply to Taurus...I'm with you. Taylor Swift's earlier albums were a lot more unique than her current stuff. I still love Shake it off though, haha. It's so catchy.

Are you a Sheeran fan?

James

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

My third try at replying. I time go to send my post it tries to reconnect to the wifi, and so it clears everything I wrote it. Very frustrating!

It's good to hear that you're getting better. Chest infections can be nasty!
I'm not sure what I find the hardest at the moment. I guess it's just all the change and uncertainty. There's all the problems at home, work, and being on call nearly 24/7 which is causing a lot of stress. I'm not sleeping 😴 very well either and I'm always on edge. It's just exhausting being switched on all the time and always having to put on a brave face for everyone.

It sounds like you'll be pretty busy with all that sewing to do! It's a pity we can't post photos because I'd love to see what you've made.

I like listening to music (as you already know!) and spending time with my friends. Going for walks would have be somewhere near the top of the list, as it's my favourite way to destress. I make birthday cards, and crochet little colourful owls which I sell, though I haven't had a lot of time to do that this year. I love reading books too, mostly fantasy and sci-fi.

Mia

[Mia001]

Hi James,

I like what you said about the monkey bars. I guess the only way we're truly going to learn is through making our own mistakes. We can't do that for them, and they can't do it for us. Sometimes I wish you could though.

I've only heard a few songs by Ed Sheeran, so I can't really say. My best friend loves his music though! 🎶

Talk to you later, I've got to go!

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Lovely to hear from you. A tip for you to save having to rewrite your posts when the system goes awry. Write your answer in Word or Notepad (?) then copy to the BB site. If the e-abyss swallows your reply you can simply copy and post again. aves a great deal of frustration and uttering words we ladies have never heard of.

I love this comment from you. What happened to me doesn't have to define who I am. So true. Sadly we need to remind ourselves constantly. Why not make a lovely copy of your sentence and print out several copies. Hang them in strategic places to remind yourself. I have the side of a full height cupboard to stick my messages to self. As I find positive statements I stick them on this wall which I walk past many times a day going into my kitchen. All sort of snippets there. Often my visitors stop to read them as well.

You are quite right about the energy required to put on a brave face. So why do it? This puts so much unnecessary strain on you and uses that vital energy in a no win situation. I understand you do not want to appear down and I feel like that myself at times. I think we need to keep a sense of proportion about this. If I may use an analogy, I have found recently that when I go out to one of my volunteer jobs I return very tired. This is due to being unwell and trying to get better. I am tired. My grandson (aged 20) cooks his own meals as I have not felt like cooking or eating. Not a smart move I know. My point is that others can do some of the work you take on for yourself.

Being on call 24/7 is an impossible ask. I presume this means on call for your family not work. When I told my grandson I was ill and would he look after himself I think he was a bit put out. After all I have been cooking for him for the past three years. I did worry about it but realised I just could not look after him as I had and he was old enough to take responsibility for himself.

I am sure you have detailed your reasons for being the go to person but I cannot remember. Would you tell me again please. Sorry not to be as familiar as Taurus. Poor sleeping habits arise from the stress you are experiencing as you probably know. So how do you de-stress? Let go of the things you have no control over, which includes your brother. I know it's hard, I definitely know this. Living your life at this pressure will blow up in your face after a while. And may I say, who will take care of you?

It's good there is a word limit. I could go on for ever.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

Thanks for the tip! That's a great idea, I shall have to try that from now on. Love your idea of putting quotes on the wall.

I'm not sure if you know, but I haven't told my family anything. To be honest, I'm not sure I ever will. Once I let them know something is wrong, they'll want to know everything. They'll be hurt that I don't want to talk about it and they won't understand why. I guess that's why I've always put on a brave face. At work, obviously you have to be professional. But family is different. Sometimes I wish I could tell them everything but I know it would cause more harm than good.

I guess where it becomes a problem is when I can't tell those who are supportive. I guess I'm so used to not showing how I feel and never letting anyone in that even with my closest friends its difficult.

When I was at TAFE, I started seeing a counsellor for the first time. It was a relief to be able to talk to someone, but at the same time it was scary. It makes you feel vulnerable. They know how you think, how you work, what your weaknesses are. Once another person knows that, they can use it against you. I guess it takes a while to realise that its ok, you can trust them. But I still can't trust anyone fully, there's always that little doubt in my mind that stops me from speaking. So I just keep smiling because it always seems easier.

When I mentioned being on call 24/7 I was actually referring to work. At the moment I've only been getting 1-2 shifts a week, so I have to have my name as available if I want work. The only problem is I never know when they'll call. Also it means that sometimes I'll get an early morning shift right after a night shift which is tiring.

Not sure what you mean by "go to person" ???

Please don't worry that you don't know everything about me. That's okay, you can only absorb so much information at a time!

To de-stress I like walking and listening to music. I spend time with my friends, and talk to them about it. I have tried to distract myself by doing other things, keeping busy and having fun but it doesn't work very well.

Who will take care of me? That's a good question. I guess I have to. My friends are not always going to be there, there are plenty of times when it's just me. I'm guess I'm just going to have to learn to cope on my own.

This is probably the last chance I will get to post before my appointment at 8am tomorrow, as I have to go to work now. I'll let you know afterwards how it went.

See you later,

Mia