What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[Mia001]

Hi Taurus,

I have a feeling that maybe this is the cause of most of my problems now, and if I don't deal with it, I'll never be normal again. I guess I'm going to have to tell her if I want this to work. Maybe I'll just print my post, give it to her, and see what she says. I don't really want to disclose everything to start with. I guess I'll just see how she reacts, and decide from there.

Mia

[Guest_9809]

Yes Mia, good idea. Like I said, once she knows the situation, she will take things gently with you. She will allow you to do things in your own time, as you're ready. But it would be a very good start to give her a print of your post above. From there, let her be your guide. Thats what she's trained for.

And in the meantime, you can always talk about your experience here as well. I know it helped me enormously to talk in an anonymous Forum. As much or as little as you feel comfortable in doing. But given that you have opened up for the first time about childhood abuse here, I guess that indicates that you are now feeling reasonably secure when posting on the forums. So anytime you are ready ......... you will have many concerned and understanding people here to validate your feelings and help you navigate through the therapy process. I wont sugar-coat it, its not easy. But it is worthwhile.

You said in your earlier post that these memories did not surface until you started talking to your counsellor. How much did you tell your counsellor, if you dont mind me asking? When do you see your psych again?

I read on the Cafe thread that you are off to a party tonight. I hope you enjoy it. I am off to a Christmas in July function at our local tavern. I never go out, so I have mixed feelings around it. Anxious for me, but happy for hubby because he loves going out and being the centre of attention.

Taurus xx

[Mia001]

Hi Taurus,

On my first appointment, the counsellor was getting close to finding out and I just said I didn't want to talk about it. She did indirectly ask about it on a few occasions. I think she probably knew that it was some kind of abuse, but I kept avoiding the subject.

My next appointment with the psychologist is September 1 so that's about 5 weeks away. She asked me to book 3 appointments ahead each about 4 weeks apart. Apparently, she books up pretty fast!

Yeah, I enjoyed the party. I got time to catch up with some friends I haven't seen in a while so that was good. I also told one of my friends what has been going on and she was supportive and understanding. It's nice to have a few people I know I can trust to talk to.

I hope your Christmas in July night went well. Sounds like fun!

Anyway, I've got to get ready for church. See you later 🙂

Mia

[Guest_9809]

Hi Mia. I guess you'll be back to your house sitting job in town by now.

Its good that you have 3 psych appointments pre booked with your psychologist from 1st September. Hopefully during that time, you can go from 'avoiding the subject' to at least acknowledging that there is something in your past that needs exploring further in order to deal with it. So rather than telling your psych a fib in order to avoid the subject, please acknowledge that yes there is an issue but that you are currently unable to talk about it. She will then come up with ways to help you through that difficult process. Okay ... enough on the lecture!

I am really pleased for you that you have been able to talk to some of your good friends about whats been going on lately. I think its very important for you to have them there to understand and support you during the times that you will need them by your side (figuratively). To have someone there for you that you can trust and know they have your welfare at heart, is invaluable. Very proud of you for having spoken to them. (-:

Glad you enjoyed the party on Saturday. My Christmas in July function went pretty well too actually. They had some really good music there which I very much enjoyed. Lots of oldies, but goodies, so perhaps not your scene. You know 'real' singers like Buddy Holly, Elvis, Roy Orbison .... all the good stuff. Ha ha.

How is the training going for your new role at work? You were on drive thru or something I think, last I heard.

I hope you have a good week Mia.

Taurus xx

[Mia001]

Hi Taurus,

I did post yesterday but I don't think it worked, so I'll start again.

Thankyou for being here for me. I really appreciate it and I think you are a very caring and wise person. I really don't mind you lecturing me! Actually, I feel really bad about lying to her and I know being honest is so important. I just hope she's not annoyed when I tell her. If she is, I guess I deserve it.

As for friends... they have been amazing and so supportive. I just hope that one day I can do the same for them.

Work is going well at the moment. I've had a few shifts on drive-thru which is good. They are currently looking for someone else to be on the safety team so I'll see what happens with that.

It's good to hear that you enjoyed the Christmas in July. I hope you enjoy the rest of your week too!

See you later,

Mia

[Guest_9809]

Hi Mia.

Its a pleasure to correspond with you, so honestly, no thanks are needed. I only hope that I am of some help to you.

Mia, dont feel bad about lying to your psych. I've done it too in the past, it just seemed easier. And I really didnt want to 'go there'. But my psych knew from my reactions that there was something there to dig deeper into. And in time, when I was ready, it all came spilling out. So what I am saying is that you lied out of a natural self protection instinct, not because you are bad or anything like that.

Your psych will not be annoyed when you tell her that you weren't completely honest with her before. Next time tell her that you denied sexual abuse, when asked, out of fear of having to face the truth plus you were concerned about possible repercussions. Tell her that you've thought about it since and realise that in order to deal with the past, you need to be honest. And that you need her help in being able to talk about it. She will take it from there.

Your friends sound amazing, you are very fortunate in that regard. But they are every bit as lucky to have you. You are an amazing young lady Mia, and totally deserving of having such good friends. I know that with your obvious kind heart and empathy for others, you will also be there should any of your friends ever need you. I'm sure any perceived 'debt' of gratitude you may feel for having their support, will be well and truly returned in spades over the years.

I'm glad that work is going well, and good luck in your efforts to get onto the safety team. How is your driving going while you are house sitting in town? I hope you are managing to clock up some hours in order to get your licence soon.

Have a good week Mia, and take good care of yourself. Grandmotherly hug coming your way.

Taurus xx

[Mia001]

Hi Taurus,

I guess I'll tell her on my next appointment. Not sure how much... that depends. One of my friends is a nurse and she is going to find out about the mandatory reporting. That's what I'm mostly worried about because I'm under 18 and I'm not sure if that means the psych is obligated to report sexual abuse.

I'm not really driving at the moment because I just walk every where and there's no one to instruct me. I am planning on booking the Safer Drivers Course this month though. That will give me 20 hours, which is good.

(hugs) Mia

[Guest_9809]

Hi Mia.

Yes good idea about getting further information about mandatory reporting. Best to know where you stand in that regard. Can I ask when you turn 18? Regardless hopefully, once you have your answers, it will allow you to be up front and honest with your psych about whats happened to you in the past. Please remember that there is no shame for you about anything that occurred. And none of it was your fault. Its very important that you keep reminding yourself of that fact.

Speaking of driving, my 16 year old nephew has his L's since just after his 16th birthday. He lives with his family on a farm some distance from a small town. So he gets many opportunities to drive, and no problems at all in clocking up the time, distance and variation of driving conditions. I think after 3 months he already has the required time up. He is just waiting until he turns 17, which isnt until next April. I was even the supervising licenced driver for him a few times when I last visited the family back in May. He's a good little driver, having driven on the farm since he could reach the pedals. You're probably the same? But I hadnt realised how stressful it is being a supervising driver for a learner. You just cannot switch off at all.

Okay then, I hope your week is going well. I will be away over the weekend, attending a Reunion with my hubby in Sydney. So we have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow and then back home on Sunday. Not looking forward to that much. But the reunion is important for hubby, so we must go.

I will miss my little dog. Much the same as you have been missing your cat while you are staying in town. She will be staying with a lady near here who looks after her whenever we have to go away, and cant take her with us.

Catch you next week Mia.

Hug in return.

Taurus xx

[Mia001]

Hi Taurus,

I turn 18 in January, so I've got a while to go yet.

Driving isn't my forte. I'm not to bad at it, but I'm not very coordinated. I also don't enjoy it; I find it very stressful.

My week has been good so far. I'm leaving tonight after work. I'm sitting the Occupational English Test tomorrow so we're going to stay with my cousins in Newcastle on the weekend. I probably won't be around until Monday.

I've been missing little Sundara. Mum puts her on the phone sometimes which is cute. Apparently she gets excited when she hears my voice. I probably won't get to see her this weekend though. ☹️

I hope the Reunion goes well for you. I'm sure your little dog will miss you! Enjoy your weekend.

Mia

🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺

(I just got an iPod touch and I've discovered the smiley faces and little pictures. I'm having lots of fun and the best thing is that I now have my music wherever I go. It's awesome!)

[Guest_9809]

Good morning Mia. We havent spoken for almost a week, so I thought I'd pop in and say hello.

I'm a little like you with regards to driving. I am not a relaxed driver at all, always tense and on edge. I therefore tend to get sore neck and shoulders when I drive for more than an hour or so. Fact is I have never enjoyed driving, however having always lived in 'the bush' it is a necessity. So I sympathise with what you say. I'm told I'm a very good driver, but it certainly is not because I like it. But it does get me from A to B, hopefully safely. Given that there have been a number of important people in my life who have lost their lives in car accidents, I can get pretty anxious about at times.

How did the Occupatoinal English Test go last week? Ahhh Newcastle for last weekend! I drove right past Newcastle on Friday, and thought of you as I did. Along with a friend I also know there. Its a nice place and I hope you had an enjoyable stay there.

Ha ha, Sundara sounds real cute 'talking' on the phone to you. My Tammie doesnt like the phone at all, and nor does she like TV even if there are other dogs or anything for her to hear or see. Where as a dog I had before would always react to voices on the phone and the TV. They are all different I guess. Perhaps my Tammie is more 'scent' orientated, which I suspect may well be the case. She's a great little 'sniffer dog'. And yes she was very excited when we arrived home to pick her up from the lady who looked after her last weekend. Adorable little thing that she is. Makes you feel loved and wanted every time!

Yes the Reunion went well thanks, and hubby enjoyed it all, which was the main thing. It did him some good catching up with all his Navy buddies.

And we also caught up with our daughter and family who drove up from Wollongong to meet with us in Sydney for lunch on the Saturday. So it was great to see 2 of our little grandkids. A bonus since we only get to see them about twice a year usually.

Okay, have you had any information back from your nurse friend about mandatory reporting? I would be very interested to hear. I'd also like to hear how you're going in general as well.

Hope to talk again soon.

Hugs,

Taurus xx