UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk

[Belthizor]

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do.

 Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

Well... I didn't expect to be writing so soon, but I like to keep you all up to date concerning changes that have occurred. This morning my girlfriend had another, moderate, anxiety attack. This came about after having trouble getting to sleep on Thursday night and not getting any sleep at all last night. She was still awake when I went to bed at about 1:30am and was still awake at 20 to 6 in the morning when she woke me up and asked if I could come with her to the bathroom. My company was enough to help her calm down, and, when we finally went back to bed, she was able to fall asleep (as evidenced by her waking me about 20 minutes later to exclaim excitedly that she had dreamt - meaning she had fallen asleep). Today she continued to have minor anxiety about tonight. Stressing that she would have a repeat of last night. I have just left her now (I'll go to bed later on as usual) and thanks to Facebook, I have encouraged her to give acupressure a try as there are certain acupressure points on the body that can supposedly help you to fall asleep. They seem to have worked as she is feeling relaxed and sleepy.

As usual, this is new territory for me and I'm not sure what to do, but it seems what I am doing is helping her, which is good.

In other news, my previous post contained a couple of links directing you to info about Progressive Muscle Relaxation treatment, so I shall simply encourage you all instead to Google "Progressive Muscle Relaxation Treatment". There are articles, scripts and YouTube videos which I think you'll all find very helpful.

Anyway, that's all from me for,

Hope you're all doing well,

Ciao for now,

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

Just another update. My gf last night took a benzo to help her relax and get to sleep (unfortunately the acupressure didn't work) and she was able to actually get to sleep. The problem with that, now, is that she is continuing to have anxiety about going to sleep and not being able to sleep and feels/fears that she won't be able to get to sleep without taking a benzo. Obviously this is not a good idea and I'm a bit worried. I don't want her to be reliant on meds just to be able to sleep, but I don't want her tossing and turning all night, either. Does anyone have any hints on what we can do to help her get to sleep?

Cheers,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

HI Sheldon

Im sorry I missed your last post.

I have always been anti-meds until my life (and career) were falling apart through not being able to sleep through years of free floating anxiety.

I know you dont want to here this but the benzo's are a medication like blood pressure meds....sometimes we need them.

You are a great carer Sheldon....If your girlfriend takes a small benzo she will not only sleep better but will also be able to cope a lot better with anxiety the next day.

Sheldon, I have taken a small half tablet every night for 20 years.....It helped me keep my career intact, my mortgage and bills paid. The anxiety was still there but nowhere as strong.

Just my opinion but the word 'dependency' fades into insignificance where your girlfriends health is paramount

I have had many friends that have stopped their benzo's without any side effects.

Can I ask you if your girlfriend actually wishes to take even a tiny dosage of her benzo's?

Let her have some peace Sheldon.....they will give her some peace...

My Best for you both

Paul ( I take them for my health and to give me back some of my life)

[Belthizor]

Hey Paul,

That's a tricky question. She was recommended against taking benzos by her psychologist and I guess that rubbed off on me. I was not preventing her from taking them, however. If she had been determined to take it, I would have let her, however, we were also both concerned that she was not going to be able to take them every night.

I am pleased to report, however, that last night my gf did NOT take a benzo and was able to (eventually) get to sleep. She was so proud of herself, as was I, as we didn't want her to become dependant on the meds and not be able to deal properly with her anxiety. It was just getting to the point where she was dreading the night. Worrying that she was not going to be able to sleep and would be awake all night again. That in turn triggered anxiety feelings, which of course led to more anxiety and it was basically a case of night time was going to be associated with anxiety. Fortunately, by managing to get to sleep on her own last night, we were able to break that cycle and things will be on the up and up!

Hope you're all doing well and I shall chat to you all anon,

Cheers,

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

I know it's been a long time since I last wrote, but life just sorta got in the way and things have been all over the place - some of which I will discuss another time.

Tonight my Gf had a... Breakdown for lack of a better word. Full on tears, inability to see the better side of things (catastrophising) and just general negativity all in regards to working, and her inability to find work, as well as fears of what would happen if she did get work (anxiety). It took a lot to calm her down and was quite stressful. We are thinking of trying for either the Disability Support Pension or Sickness Allowance (I'm not entirely sure what she's looking at, but she's talking to a friend at the moment who has anxiety and knows what she is going through).

What it basically boils down to (in part) is she doesn't want to look for work anymore. The only thing she really does want to do is look after her mum as her full time carer, but Centrelink decided her mum was not eligible for a carer (which is stupid, but let's not dwell on that).

The long and short of it is, I'm finding it extremely difficult to try and deal with the whole anxiety thing (which, she had an attack of tonight). I guess you could say I'm struggling to cope. My aspergers gets in the way of emotionally dealing with issues on a non-logical, non-analytical scale. I mean, there's no need to worry about me - I'm not going to do anything to myself or anything like that, but sometimes I just feel like I need to escape - usually into my games... Sort of withdrawing, but incidentally that's not really an option at 11 O'Clock at night.

Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble on, my Gf is feeling better now (and she didn't even take a benzo!) and she also said to say thank you to you all for being there for me. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and I hope to hear from you all soon.

Cheers, Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon

Im sorry we have missed you reaching out for help. That usually doesnt happen...

Just having a read of your post

Paul

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon

Your girlfriend is still having difficulty with an illness. With all respect, sometimes Anxiety disorder can last for many years and finding a reason for it can be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

You and I have spoken many times about how well you are doing as a kind carer for your girlfriend and good on you Sheldon.....She is lucky to have you 🙂

If I may ask you if your GF is taking an anti-depressant at the moment? Please excuse my questions but its only so I can help you more effectively as a person that has had acute anxiety for a very long time...

Can I ask what happened prior to that bad anxiety attack...as in that day or the days prior?

My Best

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi Paul,

My Gf is currently taking an anti depressant alongside her regular meds. I've just realised (read: remembered) that I can't tell what anti depressant she's on, owing to the rules of BB posting, but I can assure you that she is taking anti depressants.

I'm not entirely sure what happened prior to the attack. I know she had an appointment with her job network people and she expressed a desire not to go, not to look for work, etc. She had a breakdown there but seemed to perk up, but later on anxiety kicked in and ever since then she's been in and out of anxiety and been physically sick all day. Right now we're in bed trying to sleep, though the amount of fidgeting she's doing suggests she's not having much luck.

As selfish as it may seem, I hope she "settles down" soon as I am really exhausted and want to sleep.

I hate anxiety. I hate seeing my Gf like this and I hate feeling so helpless!

I hate it all!

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Thanks for posting back Sheldon

I understand what your GF is going through....Its not a nice place to be in as you know.

You know Im only a volunteer and not a GP......so my comments are only from my experience with this mongrel illness called Anxiety disorder.

This concerns me a great deal and if I can quote you" she expressed a desire not to go, not to look for work"

Your girlfriend needs rest and counseling not exposure to a situation that can exacerbate her anxiety.

I have just been on my 4th Centerlink Medical Certificate..and even contemplating work with my depression is a no go zone...just for me of course.

Its only humble opinion Sheldon...can your girlfriend get an Official Medical Certificate for centerlink? You will notice a reduction in her anxiety if your GF can get one....Its for 3 months and will give her a chance to rest

It will also get the 'Job Agency' people off her back....Rest and frequent counseling is crucial here, not work.

Just my experience Sheldon but if the GP has prescribed benzo's, your GF may need it to take the 'edge' off.

I will keep an eye out for your thread,,,My sincere apologies that no one responded when you tried to reach out...

You have a super kind heart Sheldon.Take care of yourself too...there is only so much you can do right now...

my kind thoughts for you both

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi Paul,

My apologies for the delay in post, but as you might have guessed, I went to sleep. Not very restfully but sleep nonetheless. My Gf said she slept but woke every hour or so and was still feeling nauseous this morning. However she has had something to eat and appears to be keeping it down. Right now she is sleeping/dozing.

I feel she's in a better place now, but that doesn't mean I can rest easy. This whole anxiety/depression thing freaks me the heck out!

As for medical certificate, my Gf did a Centrelink ESAT thing that changed her to stream C (which apparently means she has no job searching requirements). This lasts for 6 months, and I don't think you can apply for DSP until that six months has elapsed. We see her psychologist on Saturday and we're hoping we can count on her support for DSP.

Hopefully this will be the end of the anxiety for a while. I don't think I can go through all that again. I mean, I will if I have to, but would rather avoid it if I can.

Anyway that's all from me for now. Hope you're well.

Cheers,

Sheldon