unsure what to do

[Wednesday]

Hello,

When do you know a relationship is over?

[Starwolf]

Hi Wednesday,

I don't think you are "wussy", just vulnerable as uncertainty makes us feel so. Questioning your position within the relationship, paying close attention to your feelings will help you figure out what your personal needs are and whether they ought to be indulged or altered.

By choice and/or necessity, we all wear masks. As mentioned in my previous post, we are a lot better at solving other people's issues than our own. Just because emotional involvement gets in the way of necessary objectivity. We can often see another person's situation clearly but strong emotions cloud our judgment. Only distance can give a clear idea of the big picture. For this reason, knowing oneself doesn't come easy.

People suffering depression/anxiety are often self-centered because of the all- consuming character of the illness. As a result, their partner can easily become absorbed by this self-preoccupation to the point of oblivion. This is common ground with the effects of narcissism and the reason why I mentioned it.

Having to quit work is often a difficult transition. You wrote that your husband is about to retire. My guess is he will be around more and will want to occupy his time the way he wants. How will you cope with the extra closeness when this happens ?

Finding honest answers to as many questions as possible will gradually paint a clearer picture of where you want to go next, of what is acceptable to you and what is not.

Have a restful week-end.

[Wednesday]

Star, you are such a gem, I'll absurd you info. Thank you for your help.

Hugs (I had to learn about hugs when I had children and I really like them).

[Starwolf]

Thanks Wednesday.

Love your timely profile pic.

[Wednesday]

He just faced timed me from his holiday and we talked about an issue he is having. I went from feeling like I could handle the day to miserable so quickly, it is like I have taken on his anxiety, wow.

[Apollo_Black]

Hi Wednesday

If you don't mind me asking, what chronic disease/s do you have??

[Guest_5218]

Hi Wednesday. I havent contributed to your thread before, mainly because I really couldnt offer any advice. But when I saw your latest post, I thought it would be a good opportunity to quickly post a reply so that I can more easily follow your thread. Now it will appear as one of my threads, so I can check on you more easily!

You have been so supportive of many others here on the forums, myself included, and offering such caring support and sensible constructive advice. I really just wanted to let you know that I have come to care for you a lot since you first joined, and I admire you greatly. I guess I hope to get to know you just a little better now by more closely following your thread. I hope you dont mind?

Sorry to hear that talking to your partner appears to have transferred some of his anxiety onto you. Is he aware that he is doing this do you think? Or is he oblivious to the impact it may have on you?

You mainly suffer from depression, rather than anxiety if I recall correctly. Not sure where you live, but the weather where I am is a gorgeous day. Are you able to get out into the sun for a bit, even if its just your back yard or balcony or something. I'm sure Happy would enjoy it also. Perhaps fix something for lunch and take it into a nice sunny warm spot outside and enjoy the day. I'm about to cut up some fruit for my lunch now and do exactly that myself. Holly likes most fruit also, so there will be something for her too (watermelon, banana, apple, pear).

I hope you are able to quickly pick yourself up again so you can enjoy the rest of the day. Hugs to you Wednesday.

Sherie xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Apollo,

It's only recently that I have started to talk about my health issues. It's as if I make them more real somehow.

Briefly my autoimmune system has struggled, so I have things like psoriatic arthritis that has not responded to the medications and other bits and pieces including thyroid disease that jumps around and major depressive illness. I had cancer, chemo etc a few years ago and it seems (a doctor suggested) that the chemo triggered my immune system to go a bit crazy. I hate sounding like I am complaining all the time. I just can't cover it up any more it's really obvious that my body isn't physically working the way it used, or maybe I should say the way I want it to work.

I hate that the meds seemed to have turned my brain into mush. But if I don't take them it's not good. The range of meds I take all have side effects to manage too! Doctors won't operate and dentist are super wary because my immune system is so rubbish. I am also becoming more allergic/intolerant of certain foods. And so on...

[Starwolf]

That's a lot on your plate, Wednesday... so you have every right to complain. No wonder taking on board your partner's issues is not helping !

You need TLC just as much as he does. It is sad you are not getting it. So it is up to you to make sure your needs are met. Your partner is demanding but perhaps you also demand too much of yourself ?

I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

[Wednesday]

Thanks Star,

It has been such an interesting life that I've had to look after myself and others from a very young age. Its now just who. I do give myself a high bar to jump over. I guess I'm frightened that if I give in and stop striving the memories will overtake me and I'll disappear.

x

[Apollo_Black]

Thanks for responding Wednesday. I thought I might be able to help, but I'm not as familiar with P.Arthritis. I do know however that it requires some heavy duty Meds and I can imagine there must be side effects. Add on top of that other conditions then that's a lot to manage. I hope you have a good GP and specialist you can gain access to easily.

The reason I posted was because I was concerned that you seemed to confined to rest a fair bit which ultimately isn't good for extended periods. I can imaging however your mobility is somewhat restricted. Somehow you need to get some kind of activity going otherwise you're stuck in a vicious circle of deconditioning which perpetuates more fatigue and depression.

Is there something like hydrotherapy or an exercise class you can tap into? I know it's a struggle and if you're like me you don't really like that sort of stuff - but honestly if you can break through the initial fear you won't look back and hopefully will feel a lot better and more able to manage your partner's situation. Whether it's trying to turn things around or going your separate ways.

Ultimately he needs to take ownership for his own anxiety and stop hooking up his emotional hose to you. You don't need that kind of energy drain