This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Spent a few hours this am helping people re MH and life. One made a joke about an offer mum made me. I've told her before about my position atm. So I told her what I thought and cut her off.

Mums going on a holiday. Unrelated. I've not been away on a holiday in a decade. Dad longer probably.

I'm looking at stuff for my birthday. I've decided I'm going to go do some experience thing and going alone. Unless I pay for others they won't come. I don't want friends like that. And some get sea sick. I'm looking at a day out checking out blue whales.

Sick of being forgotten, unless they need something. Never invited. Never asked how I am.

I've cut 4 or 5 from my life the last 6 months.. and I'll keep going. Better off alone that with people using you.

[Lisa611]

Just reading everyone's posts. Hugs to all who are struggling right now. Sometimes just getting through the day is enough.

[quirkywords]

Velvet I like your post. You stand up for what you believe in.Hope your day with whales goes well.

Aries and Asdff I

relate to what you both write.

Asdff that overwhelming feeling can build up.

I am scared of dentists ,the price mainly and hairdressers because whatever hair Yiu have they want to change it.

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

Reading through everyone's posts, there is a lot going on in this little hub! I hope you get to experience something great on your birthday V, sometimes I did things alone on my birthday and it was great! I can understand about the body rebelling, I have a lot of creaks and cracks that I hear when moving about since I turned 50. I'm being paid back for all those double shifts I did when I was nursing. No spiraling today, it was a good day, I took my son to a local wildlife sanctuary and it was awesome! We saw and held Koalas, we saw and patted kangaroos, and we went to a Pelican and Eel feeding (you should see the Eel's they were downright scary!), we attended a free-flight bird show in which the birds just turned up and performed, a few flew directly over our heads! We saw a Tasmanian Devil, many birds including a King Parrot, snakes, and tree frogs. There was a beautiful eagle who flew over our heads, his wingspan was so big! Oh, and we fed the Lorikeets!

Nature really has a real effect on me and my mood. I didn't feel the racing thoughts I normally do and the near panic towards the evening. In particular, watching the bird show and how magnificent they are really got to me. I am on a high (maybe leaning towards too high) and would go there once a week if I could. But I'll do with my budgie who sits across from me whilst I study for now.

Hope you are all well

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa ,

Pelican and eel feeding I would like to see that video.

You have an interesting life.

How is everyone ?

Do you think more people in the public domain feel more able to admit they are overwhelmed, lacking drive, or nothing in the trunk..? I hear a commentator say people were becoming more willing to say they had mental health issues.

what do you think.?

[velvetfaerie]

People in the spotlight maybe. Society in general, depends on their peers.

I've been saying no at work. No I won't use my car for work related things. No I'm not reversing leave unless I'm getting overtime. No I won't be doing free overtime. No you will not give my personal mobile phone number to visitors.

We start talking promotion or get used to "no" a lot more.

I've given my all for 2.5yrs and all that has earned me is the expectation of delivering even more for nothing.

[velvetfaerie]

The pandemic and worker loss period. I've been here 15yrs and problem solve better than half the managers.

Anyhow... I'm all good. Standing firm. Bit tired but eh.... who isn't?

[Lisa611]

Hi All...I had my psych app today. After telling him how I feel I think I'm going through a low. It's a combination of things. I'm having another back operation on Tuesday. It's costing me money so I will be out of pocket alot of money. He's one of the best and it's my third back operation. I don't want to stuff around with my back. It's hard for me to accept that even after paying the money I'm still going to have aches and pains due to aging. I'm not aging very well. I'm only 55 this year but my legs get really stiff and sore. This gets me down. Kids who don't want to learn get me down. They make me feel deflated and defeated. My kids being busy living their life and not having time to see me every week gets me down. I know that sounds needy but it's how I feel. I'm feeling a little flat. I hope I'm not spiralling down the rabbit hole again.

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

Quirky I think people who are famous or relatively well known are more willing to say they have mental health issues. I don't know about the rest of Australia but up here most of the mental health system is private and very expensive. So they can get help easily, and I don't begrudge them that, but that's how it is. I worked in a mental health unit during my studies, and it was so tiny, and could not take many people, one nurse told me there was a two-year waiting list for general admission to get help. One previous premier closed a lot of public mental health down, saying the state could not afford to continue to support these programs. A lot of important ones too. They have not opened back up yet even though that premier is gone.

Today was a bit hum ha after yesterday so I am back down from that high. My partner and I were scammed into losing some money out of our bank, so we visited the bank today. I understand this happens to a lot of people! My part came out through Paypal, which worried me I thought they were very hard to get through. But there it is. Okay, I'd better get back to studying! Hope all is well with everyone.

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Velvet, I like the way you are learning to say no and not let your colleagues take advantage if your willingness to work ver hard.

lisa, I hope your operation goes well.
my children live 3 to 7 hrs away so zi am lucky to see them every few months.

Leisa,.

I agree with your thoughts about well known people and talking about mental illness and their access to services.