This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Velvet

it is so unfair when a victim seeks help and they are either not believed or are accused of being the abuser.

If someone is charming others won’t believe what they are really like. I have had that happen to me.
I hope you are able to have your voice heard .

A camel farm. sounds great. I rode a camel through a desert in Middle East.

Hello to Lisa Asdff and Aries and smiles to all.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm not going to bother. Why bother.

I wish I could have quit right there. I can't unless I have another job.

I've already put the feelers out for that.

It's disgusting that a place like where I work can get away with this stuff behind closed doors.

Corruption lies In all those high places.

I'm making a pizza.

[velvetfaerie]

I was told to just be positive. Do better.

Ok So, how can a person do that after a lifetime of bullying? Just like they bullied me relentlessly and told me to just be positive?

Ok. I'll just fix a lifetime of trauma and a medical condition because it is displeasing to you guys.

Not bad for a medical research institution hey?

[quirkywords]

Velvet

it is terrible you have been treated so badly by your work.
Be positive. , How can you unless you have a supportive and compassionate workplace who acknowledge how you have been treated and agree to change.

How was pizza.?

[velvetfaerie]

Pizza was good.

Yeh this person has sunk really low. Same with ex thing.

Betrayed and hurt.

Spoke to a good friend. She said it's spring cleaning. Sucks now but later you'll feel better.

I like the theory. I'll put the faith there..

[velvetfaerie]

Took today off. Although they haven't discriminated, they've bullied. I can't be bothered. I'm going to be selfish today.

Also, for those who aren't sure what narcissistic domestic abuse looks like, Gabby Petito. That's all I need to say.

That case hits home very hard.

[Lisa611]

Hi All...have been catching up on everyone's posts. Keep moving forward Velvet.

Well...it's been almost 2 weeks without a smoke. I'm feeling better within myself but it's still a battle. I just try to get through each day. I know in a couple of weeks time I won't think about it as much. The wedding is in a week's time. I will breathe a sigh of relief when it's over. I pick up my outfit tomorrow. The landscaper starts on Monday. Hopefully it won't rain all week. I have a psych app after the wedding. The groom's family is being difficult. They've had 2yrs to whinge about anything they didn't like but they choose to do it now. I've told my daughter not to worry about them and to not let them spoil their day. Families can be difficult can't they? The groom went to talk to his family and ended up staying there for 3hrs! They whinged about my daughter, the fact that his sister isn't a bridesmaid even though she is doing the readings and being their witness. I feel sorry for the groom. They are just adding to the stress. I'm trying to be supportive. They have been waiting 2yrs to do this. I hope it all goes well on the day.

[velvetfaerie]

2 weeks is very good Lisa. Moving forward !!!! 😀

what is it about weddings that brings out drama? I hope things go to plan and run smoothly. I'm crossing fingers for you all

[asdff]

I will catch up on all of the posts. Coming on here to say blergh. That is how I feel. Average. It’s part way through school holidays. I am taking the munchkins out. I am a bit concerned about rona coming into the state. My family are vaccinated. One child has received one dose. The adults are boosted.

[asdff]

Ah Lisa. Weddings. I wish I had an insert eye roll emoji. I could rant about them but won’t. I am so proud of you and no cigarettes.

Velvet, ah yes. If only we were positive all the time. That would fix things. Insert sarcasm. I wish our illnesses were like wiping a hard drive. Yes, then we could be better. Alas, the brain doesn’t work that way. I’m proud of you too. Taking a mental health day.

Hi Quirky, Airies, Godless and all.