This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Leisa, I would of done the same, maybe even shown her the high diving board. I brought those goggles with the snorkel in the front and flippers for swimming in the pool. Best intentions but never used.Managed a walk , claps of thunder and despite sheltering completely drenched.My pooch did not want to budge.
Off to get a booster, armed with umbrellas just in case. Not a flash Summer but at least we are here.

V , you have a duty of care to yourself. I used to mask my insecurities or ability to ask for things with humour.Yes I agree MH adds to the drain on us with life and things. This thread is like a security blanket, somewhere we can gather, comfort and voice our thoughts without any judgement.

im tired, even today, the booster , a couple of social events visiting a few people in the upcoming days is full on for me. There’s a sports event over the weekend. Once I would have ridden down and watched the event .Not anymore. How do I describe myself, a tad Lacklustre. I enjoy a few things, friends what are they? Luckily I have my family and dog and for that I’m grateful

[Leisa68]

Hi there all,

Hi quirkywords, isn't it funny how people totally bring up your medication when you are feeling low? Like it's a switch that can turn you back on. As if. Caught some of the cricket today on tv with my partner, that was good to banter with him or at least try and keep up with my knowledge of cricket. A long weekend stretches ahead. There are no two ways about it, it's how I feel. Long hours ahead. May try some study, may make me feel like I am doing something. It's when I feel like nothing is happening, I tend to panic.

Airies, if I see that lady again, I will show her the high diving board. It is funny how people have to comment! I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa

you must be patient and eager to talk and watch cricket.

I like it when a whole day of play is shown in a minute!

I have picked up cricket trivia over the years being surrounded my people who watch cricket.

Are you studying a course or just study in general?

How is everyone else to day. I dont watch the news oe listen to daily statistics.

[velvetfaerie]

Hey dudes.

I haven't been swimming in a long time. I love swimming but I grew quite shy of myself over the decades of being mistreated by partners and teased growing up. I can work on this, but one thing at a time.

I've reduced my work hours for the rest of the year.

I told the ex thing that if he holds hope, how? He's a proven liar, repeatedly, and I can never trust him again. He's feeling sorry for himself. He doesn't get to play the victim when he's the one who's done me wrong way too much for way too long.

I need brekky. Starving. Big gym session and my tummy hurts from hunger.

v.

[godless]

Swimming is fun, I wear a 3/4 full body rash suit, I chose my suit in citrus colours because it is cooler and sharks do not eat fruit!

Late last night my work friend came round she was drunk, I don't know why I tolerate bum friends, she helped herself to a nice bottle that I got for the new year and then she fell asleep.

I kept thinking No I will not be giving you my bipolar performance Not now. The medication has given me a pause that I never used to feel. I used to be snappy and I can still hear my snappy thoughts but now I choose not to broadcast them. I just don't want the interactions any more, like I don't need to win, or be the smartest.

I rest my case and maybe you all know what I am trying to say.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am glad you have reduced yours . I hope that is ok financially .

godless, I get what yiu mean about not choosing to broadcast your bipolar performance. That is reassuring that you have this control. It took me years to learn to be silent and walk away., but it walked for me.

[Leisa68]

Hi Quirky,

I am doing a double degree, my Bachelor of Dementia Care, and my Masters of Advanced Nursing. I finish both this year and graduate. The courses have given me much to do, the assignments and bookwork and they have not had a course for me to do over the summer so I am panicking a bit.

Unfortunately during the study, I have been diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy bilaterally and bilateral torn tendons in the back of my legs which have caused my feet to collapse. The surgeons have put the bones back together in one foot, but I am relying on surgery for the other, and then COVID happened. I cannot work in an official capacity as a nurse, but I am hoping that with my Masters, other doors will open up. Otherwise, I will become a Netflix manic. But I am hopeful. Maybe there is a telephone job out there for me.

More cricket today. Am becoming tragic. Hope you are all well...

Leisa

[velvetfaerie]

Financially I will be fine. I have crunched numbers and will be fine. My wellbeing and health is paramount.

I've also been reflecting on many ex thing said vs his ex wife said. Her versions seem more plausible now given he's a pathological liar. He doesn't deserve to touch a woman ever again.

Nurses are awesome. Are you able to maybe work in a research capacity Lisa?

[quirkywords]

Leisa

I am impressed with your double degree. Many decades ago I struggled to finish one degree .0
your tendons must be very painful . I hope you get your surgery . I wonder like Velvet if there is some research work you can do.

Velvet, I agree your health and well being is paramount.

Realising ex thing is a pathological liar must be so tiring causing you to rethink everything he told you.

[Airies]

Leisa, impressed with your double degree, ability to push through and do hope you get the surgery so you can continue your journey. I’m glad you are back here as well.

V, good to see you’re looking after number 1 yourself. I sound like I’m playing Quirkys record. I’m going to try a light bike ride. See what’s happening with my ankle.Hopefully needling or acupuncture an option.