This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

I knew you would know something about my questioning Quirky. Having worked with children. After the first conversation I went to a grazing board and the lady was setting it up. She said I just need to put labels on it. My response I don’t like labels. I guess after feeling the need to not label the child earlier. Plus having my own label. For myself I am fine with a few hours of social activity. Appearing to be “normal”. However, obverse me over a period of a month. You will notice the dips into depression. Okay back to the autistic label and the parent needing to tell me. I have an extended family member with autism. Not diagnosed till late in life. He doesn’t do much if any socialising. When he was diagnosed he would tell people I’m autistic. I think maybe it’s so people can draw their own conclusions. Like I said I am okay with making my own observations and I’m not going to treat a person differently because they have a label. I know a percentage of society are not so accepting.

[quirkywords]

asdff

if it comes up in conversation I will tell people I am bipolar or if they have told me about their mental health or a family member. Plus I did talk for a few years to groups and was interviewed by radio and newspapers. For me I am ok but if someone else said it about me in front of me I would find that ok depending on context.

Maybe off topic but two close family members who have never spoken to me about my bipolar used me when going for jobs, ie my relative has bipolar so I know all about mental illness!! They never asked if it was ok and have never asked me about how I cope or read anyhting I have written. they did it as looked good on a cv.

[velvetfaerie]

Interesting. Labels. I see both sides. One is to create or help create awareness in society. Other I can see why. You see the person not their label. That comes from understanding due to your own personal experiences like BP.

When it comes to diversity I can assure you neurodivergent conditions is not accepted or widely understood by the general population. You guys are definitely not the general population.

Sexuality, race, religion, gender expression, disability, family responsibilities are on the fore and ask for acceptance and/or accommodations.

Many diverse groups ask for accommodations, understanding or no bigotry. Perhaps that's the driving force?

Hey or some people use their kids for attention. Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a thing.

Over sharing is also a means to connect or try to connect.

Autism isn't a label it's a medical condition just as bipolar disorder is.

[velvetfaerie]

As for the instructor. Whoops. She's nothing to me so I won't let her way upset me anymore. I don't go there to form catty friendships. I have no time for it.

[velvetfaerie]

Also, as this mode of communication is 2D..... no offence here.

I often wonder why people engage in conversation by "oh are you married? How many kids? What do you do for a living?" To find familiarity and break ice? Maybe?

[velvetfaerie]

Must've not hit button. No offence here. Thought I'd better stipulate due to 1 dimensional communication.

[quirkywords]

I find the posts on this thread fascinating and I dont feel judged. With my family I dont think there is one I can be honest and say wht I think because even when I am careful what i say i get into trouble!! Imagine that!!

I think people ask questions, Velvet, as you say to break the ice, I avoid questions about marital status, children, paid work. I used to ask people what their passion was in like until they misinterpreted passion !!

I think that is interesting about 1 0r 2 dimensional communication.

[velvetfaerie]

That's a good way to break ice Quirky. It promotes actual thought.

I always get into trouble by saying what I think, even in the most diplomatic way.

When I'm asked about the obligations society has put upon me, marriage, kids, they're very disappointed in my response. I've been called selfish as well among various things.

I didn't realise that making a conscious, thought out choice was selfish? Doesn't affect them!!!

I am a bit tired. I did lots on the weekend.

[Airies]

I’m so grateful to be here on this thread. Always informative and I’d like to think we help each other out through our highs and lows.
I’m sure I get judged but not here. I’m sure my very small group of social acquaintances know I’m NQR, but by the same token I don’t go out and blurt I’m bipolar.

I’ve been on an up for ages, EBay purchases, manic eating, exercise on the wain. My wife returns to work after months off.That will be challenging for me as I’m no cook. The lack of contact and extra demand, combined with Xmas and so on might upset my apple cart

[quirkywords]

Airies,

Do you find after your up has lasted for ages your go back to stable or diwn or a bit of both depending on how much the applecart is upset?

i am no cook but I find a few simple recipes and use the on repeat.

Velvet, i think what ever one decides people will question. I have friends who have more than 5 children who have strangers say to them how selfish and irresponsible they are. So weird that strangers think it is their business to comment to others. I would not be polite.