This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Hello folks, out of hospital. Stacked on a heAP of weight. Inactivity and heaps to snack on. Course went well.I’ve managed to secure a psychiatrist as a result. Sad to see others battling their demons. We had to write one thing I’ve noticed about you  and what I hope for you for each participant in the group anonymously and them read them out .i was so touched when people described me as gentle and so on.

ive had  a few medical issues of late They find cancer in my prostate and have been Told not to worry I see specialist next week after pep scan results. I’m not overly concerned.

[quirkywords]

Aries I see and others on here as being gentle and compassionate. 
I discovered a comedian called Bec  Charlwood who talks about bipolar in her comedy routine. I saw she has YouTube shows but have not watched them. Have others heard of her. 

[Susie Rose]

Hello everyone. My thoughts go to those that have been unwell recently. It is hard work looking after mental and physical health at the same time.

I'm going through a bad patch. I am completely exhausted by my 2 young boys and this year has thrown everything at us. The usual colds/flu/viruses in winter, baby sleeping poorly at times, and more recently, my Mum was admitted to hospital for her mental health. It has been almost 4 weeks and we're not sure when she can come home, meeting with the doctors tomorrow. It is about an hour drive for me to visit her and hard to get away from the kids, so it is exhausting trying to be there to support her. And it is triggering for me to see her in a similar hospital setting that I have been in several times myself.

Then last week my 3yo had an accident and hurt his hand, needing 3 stitches under general anaesthetic and a night in hospital. Not sure who was more traumatised, me or him. He is ok and recovering well, but with lack of sleep and rest, my nervous system is still on edge.

As 24/7 carer of my boys, it feels impossible to find any time to even think about my needs, let alone do something to rest and recover.

Step 1 achieved, sharing my thoughts with you kind people.

Hope you're all well today.

[quirkywords]

Susie rose so good to hear from you.

I read your post and nodded and sighed to myself I remember this well, sick children sick parents , no time for self. 
It is a struggle but do take care of yourself because your health is important. 

[velvetfaerie]

Quirky = no because it makes me feisty haha.

I have come here to complain about mu parents. Instead of asking for help so I can arrange it, mum decided to move furniture and clean and move it back. 

She then messages me to complain about it. I went off my face. If you don't tell me or ask I don't know. We have gone over this before. Apologises and does it again.

This is abuse. I'm absolutely FURIOUS.

Anyway..... Suzie big hugs to you. The physical, emotional and mental exhaustion you must feel..... 

[asdff]

 Hello, sorry for the absence getting back on top of things after school holidays.

Velvet, I kind of do things like your mum. The psychologist I see tells me people can’t read your thoughts. I am getting better at asking for help. I hope your Mum doesn’t hurt herself.

Airies, yay for being out of hospital. I hope the psychiatrist got the meds sorted. Big dislike for prostate cancer, hoping the docs get that sorted.

Susie it seems you’ve had a rough time. Hoping sunshine and better times are on the way.

Quirky good to hear from you.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

good to hear from you.

School holidays was something that didn’t concern me for years now my oldest grandchild has started school. 
Velvet my parents were the same .

My confidence seems very low. Does anyone notice their confidence goes up and down at times. 
Aries and Susie hope you are well. 
sending kind thoughts to everyone.

[velvetfaerie]

Expecting others to predict your needs without communication, and then covertly having a go at them is abusive.

I've lived with this and other things for decades. This is why I've had enough of the parents stuff. One does this and the other I don't exist to at all. 

It destroys confidence. It creates anxiety. It makes the one on the receiving end a people pleaser to their own demise. This is why I've made some bad choices in relationships. Many bad choices. 

Well I have had enough. Playing the victim to a situation you create yourself is ..... Gross. 

I'm tired and mad. Haha. 

I was asked to do someone else's work so they could go out to lunch this week.

Guess how that ended? 🤣

[velvetfaerie]

How'd I miss this? Airies = regarding the little prostate issue, my uncle just went through the same thing.

All sorted. It was a highly nasty grade cancer which stayed put. No spread. Surgery done. All good !!! 

My good friends dad also had the same issue earlier this year. He's also healthy, and grumpy but that's normal and a good sign. 

[asdff]

Sleepy here today. Hoping it’s not a BP downer, felt a bit nauseous too. 

How bad do you lot get when plans change? I am rather sensitive to change of days, when my routine gets changed. Last night one child had a different night for a regular activity, I got got child there. Only for the event to be called off 😯. We all have phones and email addresses. I am wondering if that and a huge Bill last week might have set me off. The next few days will tell. 

As for me not telling people of my needs. I was emotional neglected as a child by one parent. This gave me the impression that I don’t matter and the less I ask for the better. Therapy is helping me change those ways. The parent that neglected me, is very slowly releasing the error of his ways.