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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

9,949 Replies 9,949

I would like a society where we talk about health with out dividing it into mental and physical. Our body is whole so why not our health be treated as a whole. 
Any thoughts.???

I agree Quirky.

It's a thing I am aiming for in the next few weeks at work. They simply don't want to hear it need alone understand. 

But I'm gonna try, along with others.

I keep dreaming of a person. The last week or so. Funny given we have been discussing dreams here. I had not given it much thought until for a third time in a few days.... there is that person!!!!

I didn't go to work today because I'm over their unethical conduct. Tonsils still not helping either.

So I applied for jobs and made some calls regarding my next steps if my employers HR dept don't advocate for myself and my colleagues as they're legally obligated to do so.

One call turned into a job application.

They need people helping with advocacy for discrimination cases based on disability.

Advice. Research. Building cases where needed.

They said I have the attitude, aptitude and knowledge already.

Cross your fingers for me.

I'm really excited. I hope this is the nee career call I wanted!!!

It is absolutely in the area I wanted. Well two. Law and advocating for those who may not be able to.

 

I am so excited my typing was terrible.

Velvet, I wish you well, fingers crossed and you’re certainly no fool. I’m sure you will be a absolute asset.

asdff
Community Member

Amazing Velvet!!!! Everything is crossed for you.

 

On the weekend I had a mixed episode. Just when you think you’ve faced the biggest storm of this bipolar wave. It chucks a mixed episode in to keep you on your toes. This disease is scary, exhausting and unpredictable. I have some medicine to help with this episode. 

 Velvet 

along with Aries and Asdff and everyone here reading I wish you all the best about the new job. You would be an incredible asset for the job. I hope the interviewers really realise that your talents would be ideal for the job.

I have everything crossed. 

PS I have no excuse for my bad typing,!!!

Will have to wait and see. I've applied for others as well  but this wasn't advertised. I rang for 1 thing and they liked the cut of my jib. The other jobs are seriously exciting too. 

Asdff - I hope things are calming down now? Or on the way? No fun at all.

 

I need engagement and stimulation or I kick off. This is adhd. The ignorant folks I work with have no idea. None. Plus this trait is a benefit not a curse!! (For them).

I have to apply for a study grant today. The courses look good but they're for this place. I'm so not engaged I won't be able to get my head in to do it. I won't be able to meet the deadline after today either. I'll try later.

 

Good luck with the job Velvet! Right now I'm at a work conference. I have to be at a work thing till 12.30 tomorrow. I don't get paid overtime. My daughter is back from Europe. She wanted the boyfriend to pick her up from the airport instead of me! I do get it and understand. I'm seeing her tomorrow. I'm staying at the Novotel for the night. Wishing everybody a good weekend 🙂

Yeh that wasn't tonsillitis.

Day 1 annual leave is now home detention.

Hahahaha