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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

10,726 Replies 10,726

Me too Quirky. When my routine changes I am not good. Do you all keep your life as low key as possible? I have taken out making plans in advance, where possible. I am trying to keep everything as low stress as possible. Yet, the unwelcome guest of bipolar rears its ugly head. The moods are relentless. Blergh. Stay safe and well. 

i can not  be spontaneous as I have to always plan ahead.

I am told you are no fun any more. 

Quirky I used to be spontaneous, my case I was hypomanic. Oh should I love to a new city? Oh yes. Should I date this person? Oh yes. Should I drink this alcohol? Yes and the cycle continued. Not anymore. I’m routined and structured. I can still be counted on for fun. My friends know I don’t need alcohol to be a clown. 

Asdff

I was spontaneous too when high,but structured and overthinking now. 

I can't believe people around my life have still been expecting me to cater to their needs / wants. People who do not and will not understand the word no, need alone "I can't due to restrictions as I am still recovering from major abdominal surgery." I can't even clean around the house much. I over did a thing yesterday and paid for it today.

I won't write an essay but I really hate 90% of people. 

Airies, I meant to pop on a week ago to tell you I found GIANT buckets of choc bullets for $10. 😁

  • I hope everyone is doing OK.

 

I was coming on here to say I hate it when my kids complain about dinner 90’% of the time. I tell them there are plenty of people not eating right now. I also have to provide you with a nutritional meal it can’t be 5 star every night or from a fast food joint. I don’t feed them the fast food stuff but they have their own money and buy it. At least my husband appreciates a hot meal every night.

 

Velvet I love choc bullets too. I hope you recover well and the people around you understand in your operation wasn’t a quick fix. 

how has everyone been sleeping?I have been sleeping terribly; takes longer than usual to get to sleep, then night terrors, takes longer than usual to wake up. 

Hi all, was smashing Twisties and bullets week prior to flying out to States. Now a proud Granpa. Clucky as with my new grand daughter. Son just brought me a wahoo rival watch. Tracks sleep and  other stuff. Taking me some time to get used to it but that’s ok.Its pretty warm here , taking son and daughter in law for  hours walk.  I still have my nightly terrors as well

Oh Airies, how gorgeous 😍. Congratulations on becoming a Grandpa!!!!

Sleeping soundly and I love twisties !!!

I know many parents who's kids hate their food. I have had their parents' food and IT IS DELICIOUS!!! 

GRANDdad hey? Whoa. And here I am no kids and no uterus AHHAAHAHAH!!! 

I need exercise so badly. 

I can walk at least.

Velvet have you still got the doggo? 

My brain is all over the place, I have made lists of chores and I am finding it hard to stay on track. It feels like a motor going to fast and then slow. Not even tempo.