This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Velvet , nothing the matter with walking. Walking my son’s big beast daily or he’s taking me. Totally different to taking my little beast.

Thanks for the well wishes. Everything here is so big. Crinkle cut chips massive bags . Thickshakes out of this world.

It’s warm here by midday. 22 degrees but enough to get some colour.

My son and I worked out my next tattoo using an artificial intelligence app. 
wow it’s so much better then anything online or what I had proposed.

[velvetfaerie]

Yes I have doggo. With the rain we have had and his paws = my house is interesting. I can't do a damn thing about it yet either.

My workplace is a joke as well. Myself and a colleague have some serious things going on and we are still covertly expected to step up for everyone else.

I've phoned safety and health. Until I hear from them I am doing nothing. 

Then they can find someone else for another month. I did the right thing and refusing to do things outside of my capacity has been met with BS.

[asdff]

Hooray for doggo, I love that pets accept us. Not that our cat accepts us, she tolerates us! 

I am hypomanic and it’s exhausting; having a million thoughts a minute, starting or acting on one of them and then running out of energy. Get distracted by something else. I find it frustrating that I can’t harness this energy. In small bursts I can clean but then run out of energy. How in the world would I function in the workplace? I wouldn’t. I keep things as low stress as possible and still I have meltdowns.

[velvetfaerie]

My workplace is now in legal trouble. They have let me down. They did not do what was legally required. 

What hurts the most? It was women and my surgery and conditions are cis female issues. 

If I was pregnant it would be different.

It's safety and health and discrimination and they're in damage control.

[quirkywords]

Velvet,

so sorry for your workplace . It must be exhausting and upsetting for you. Take care

[Airies]

Velvet,try and be kind to yourself., You’ve been through a lot.Your workplace sounds taxing at the best of times. Stick to your guns.

Asdff, I feel for you. Sending you hugs from afar.

weird dreams almost nightmares for me. Finally been allocated a psychiatrist elsewhere since private clinic can’t accommodate me. No wonder the system is struggling and I have private cover.

Trying to read a book in dribs and drabs

[quirkywords]

kind thoughts to all.

I havent seen a pysch for decades  but am thinking of the seeing a clinic just for bp.

It is a bit scary.

I think as I age the tiredness and all the overthinking runs me down but I plod on.

[velvetfaerie]

I had a weird dream this am. Danged if I can remember what it was!!! 

I'm being kind to myself on this dreary winters day. Someone has to.

I feel so let down. I shouldn't be surprised. 

I'm a bit sore today in my abdomen. I'm a bit down today because I really feel like I don't matter at all to most people. 

The dreary cold isn't helping. Pfft.

[quirkywords]

Velvet that is a sad thought that you feel you don’t matter to most people.

You and every one here matters. I feel sometimes those close to me take me for granted .

[quirkywords]

There has been a few days of cold weather and I feel tired and blah.

How do you tell whether us rational to be affected by cold weather or rain or any weather or maybe one is being over sensitive.