This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[laundrylady]

I was concerned that food logging was only eating thinks you hit with an axe so relieved to learn a new phrase. 

[quirkywords]

Laundrylady I was thinking of bundling up food like logs .

Aries I am  allergic to apps as I have no idea of how to use them. thanks for explaining food logging . I hope it works for you.

[Airies]

Blew it out of the park today. Party pack,of lollies equaled daily consumption. Oh well I enjoyed them.

[laundrylady]

I can not eat sugar without fat it must be a GI thing. 

[laundrylady]

The sound of spring anyone noticed? Here there is a big bottle brush tree and the noise of the bees at work in the mid mornings before the hum of cars is intense. The dog is preoccupied with spring scents and has become less obedient. The wally who does burnouts is also more active this time of year. And both my neighbors have new pups and the pups are not related. Seems a lot going on now the sun is up.

[quirkywords]

Does anyone feel that they are often told they have said the wrong thing when they have not. 

velvet hope you are well.

[Airies]

My problem is I often say the wrong thing. Velvet hope you’re ok. Apart from being bipolar we have more in common. I’m celebrating more ink . Maybe more down the track. 

[laundrylady]

Social policing is a downer and those doing it must feel powerless. I love adages, like ; if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Saying the wrong thing happens. I have a strange ability to guess things and it can cause  magnetism. I know it is apart of the bipolar spectrum and I am not in any way special. I've never had a tattoo although I do admire the Maori Moko, thats the women with their lips and chins inked.

[laundrylady]

good deed of the day I hung a packet of puppy tennis balls on my neighbouring fences with a congratulation note. I like to do things low key, I dont need to interact not even with the pups. I just like others to know its all good.

[Airies]

Not a flash afternoon. Thought I’d weigh myself and a bit bummed to have put on a few kgs. Have to admit I’ve indulged in junk food throughout the finals series.I overthink everything. See my psychiatrist in a few weeks. Hopefully she can help