This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Balance, where possible, is very important. 

I'm over the heat. 

A week ago I had pain at the gym. Lateral leg raises. Right through my pelvic region. This is because of Endometriosis and adenomyosis. NOT FOR LONG!!! 

I rarely if ever cry from physical pain. This made me cry. I went home and felt so sorry for myself and I watered my garden while looking at the dusky sunset behind the large gum trees. Oh.. a funny looking flying thing. A BAT!!! (microbat). Two microbats!!!! Bats are really cool. 

[Airies]

I struggle with balance. It’s all or nothing haha.Do others find little things tick them off. My activities are occasionally not loading onto Strava. I need those numbers, the feedback. I haven’t missed a days cycling since the start of the year but Strava has missed a few. Not a calamity. I went for my longest ride post surgery, amongst the gravel and a black snake slithered across near me. My backside is sore., nothing compared to you Velvet. I feel for you. Men have it relatively easy. A garden brings so much happiness. Come dawn and dusk we have any number of finches dancing through our shrubs and fence line. Micro bats that would be a sight to see. As a child I was always trying to rescue birds and was fascinated by insects.

Hope others are doing ok. A big week for me next week seeing my GP and Psychiatrist

[Susie Rose]

Yes, balance is tough and little things do tick me off. Actually, I'll let the first 4 little things slide by, then the 5th thing I might EXPLODE. Screaming at my kids and then hating myself afterwards. My little baby is struggling with sleep and he is not a calm baby or easily settled. He is testing my mental and emotional strength on every level. It doesn't matter how much calm, love, positive energy I bring to him. One minute he's smiling or almost asleep and the next he is screaming at me. And he is unpredicitable. Every day is different, every nap is different. My first baby was the opposite, perfect in every way, so this is challenging in so many ways. I have let self-care slip this week, looking after the whole family before meeting any of my basic needs, and now I'm suffering and taking it out on everyone else.

[quirkywords]

Susie Rose

[quirkywords]

Susie Rose

Are you getting support.?

I remember how exhausting babies can be, and how hard one tries   to be calm when one’s eyes can’t stay open. 
i hope you can realise what an amazing job yiu are doing with your children. 

[Susie Rose]

Hi Quirky, 

Yes, we're getting support, thank you. Some help from the grandparents and community support from my friends at playgroup and the local maternal child health service. We're going to try a sleep school type program to see if that helps bub and the family. 
Thank you. I think the kids are doing just fine, growing healthy and developing. I'm more of a wreck. I went to bed early last night while hubby dealt with the screaming baby. Feel more calm today but still very tired and rundown.

How are you, Quirky?

[quirkywords]

hello everyone how are you all.?
I find writing helps me to work things out but sometimes it does not work.

Does any find writing helps but not always. 
at the moment I am tired.

[Airies]

I did some journaling a number of years ago, but to all over the shop to try. It now. glad works for you. matter of finding what works for you. I’m off to see my psychiatrist tomorrow re a few changes and Hope a referral to another as she is closing her practice.

im ok but one of my sons is struggling a bit. Back on meds and waiting for them to take effect.Another day of exercise only to be undone by endless munching. The pendulum just goes back and forward

[quirkywords]

Hello velvet Aries Asdff Lisa Susie Rose and all those reading.

Ever hone can post if you like or read whatever suits you. this is a supportive nonjudgmental place where we listen and understand.

I am still tired  and find that hard but Imlish myself to walk many kms each day even if I am slow. 

[velvetfaerie]

In WA we are just slow roasting in the weather. So. Warm. Hot. Spicy. 

Tired, probably from the last couple of workouts and the heat.

After 6 months of thought, education, learning from other experiences, weighing up my very limited options when it comes to the mean diseases i have in there, in May I am having a hysterectomy. That's my big news ahahah