This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Condolences asdff

[asdff]

Thank you all for thinking of me. We are nearing the goodbye, it’s hard for the brain to go from present to past. “They would love this” “They would have loved this”. Etc etc. 

I’m definitely hypomanic and it’s exhausting, wanting to do everything, like having an internal motor pushing you. Then you wonder why am I so tired? Don’t even get me started on buying and collecting things! I do go through stages of culling too. Why do I feel the need to collect things that may or may not be useful at a later stage? Hello brain, go and get it when you need it. Ugghhh it’s so exhausting and time consuming. Like the shirt I own that says “Busy doing nothing”. As I do not feel productive!!! Is there anyway to rewire a brain? 

[laundrylady]

Probably not a mother on this earth who does get it right, what a hard job to take on. Hypomania for me means bath time, I am like a hippo and our blue bath tub is so deep, I hide beneath the thick bubble foam. 

[Susie Rose]

My condolences asdff. Sending you strength for this week especially. When I start to feel hypomanic I try to take a deep breath and slow things down, do something for myself instead of everyone else, like a slow walk, listen to relaxing music, or sit in a quiet cafe with a nice drink.

My mum has been unwell the last few weeks. Not sleeping well and not thinking straight. We're not sure if it is part of anxiety for her, or maybe the early signs of dementia. It's hard to know when we don't see her every day and it's hard to know how to help her without upsetting her or making things worse. I saw her yesterday and she was ok, but struggled to hold a conversation, drifting off into her own thoughts and was ready to fall asleep by 4pm. Hopefully we can suggest ways that she can help herself and she is open to that.

It is about 2.5 weeks until baby is here. The last few weeks are the toughest, so uncomfortable and tired. Excited for the day when he/she is finally here.

[laundrylady]

Fella my large male dog has a fixation with the brand new microwave. There is movement and there is food, these are two of his favorite things. I'm worried his brain will be zapped. Susie Rose that is a commendable amount of caring.  

[quirkywords]

Susie rose 

all the best with baby. 
My mum went from going out and staying over night and travelling to hardly leaving the house and forgetting things Look back it seems clear but at the time we didn’t notice and this was 30 years ago so no one really knew much. Family doctor said it was my problem as he always saw me as being mentally I’ll teenager even in my 30s. 

[laundrylady]

a manure bouquet to that family doctor.

[white knight]

Hi all

I've just written a thread called "bipolar emotional freeze" and it might well be beneficial if you have a short read. 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/bipolar-emotional-freeze/m-p/573384 

TonyWK

[quirkywords]

Thanks Tony will go and read it now. 

[Airies]

Susie Rose, all the best with the upcoming arrival. My babies are in their late 20s.Sounds like you have the coping mechanism’s when you are hyper.

Will have a read Tony.

Asdff, we’re like 2 peas in a pod. I need to stop buying things, researching things and flitting from one thing to another.

V hope you are doing ok