This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

Like you I feel more than others as I have big emotions. I sob at times. 
Hope you get time to grieve.

[Airies]

Asdff, so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself as you grieve.
I don’t sob anymore, the medications keep that at bay. I shed a tear, which makes my mood plummet and then recover.

My memory is all over the shop, in an utter state of confusion 

[Lisa611]

Sorry to hear about your loss Asdff. I'm also in pain everyday. I get really sore and stiff. Have caught up on everybody's posts 🙂

[laundrylady]

Funerals are the safe place for emotional displays, it means you deeply cared. Can you believe cave men once did not let the women folk attend burials. I am of course poking fun at cave men. I forgot to take meds today because the other night I was knocked over in the street by a herding dog. It was raining I was running and this dog cut me off and splat, I fell hard. My better half got me a happy meal for tea, this old gag always makes me laugh.

[laundrylady]

Today I swore in public, it was instinct. A stranger made a unkind comment about my actions. I was non confrontational, I just yelled to my companion. " That old four letter word, just called me lazy" and I used the very worst four letter word. This is why I dislike most people, they can never mind their own business. 

[asdff]

Grief hits me in odd places; in the supermarket when a song comes on. When I am awake in the middle of the night, sometimes I can cry for a short spell. Other times I sob. Funeral this coming week, blergh. I do not cope well at them. Does anyone else get shaky? Im not talking about when you cry, more when your mood is going down/ becoming low.

[quirkywords]

Asdff 

I know that shaky feeling. I sometimes start to shiver.

laundry lady I don’t react to when others make unkind comments but laterI think of  something witty I could have said.  
lisa thanks fir the feedback. 

[laundrylady]

Is the shaky feeling surreal, my better half told me that grief is a mental illness, so together with BP it is a rough trot. In your posts asdff I read about a resourceful and assertive soul, who can kick butt.

[Airies]

I get teary when i think of my mum. She was overprotective of me when I was young but I dont blame her at all since she lost my dad in tragic circumstances and I was young. My mood can plummet but then it?s ok. It?s a fine line, a very fine line. My hands shake very badly, especially when stressed.I need to drink more water to help with  one of my mds.Thoughts are with you Asdff

[quirkywords]

I have shaken a bit since a child so much so I was t allowed to wash or have a glass or ceramic cup.

Aries your mum sounds very  caring. My mum felt guilt and shame because in those days mums were blamed if child had a MI.