This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Airies]

Quirky, I’m waiting for the comments, judgements when they see me. More discomfort with my ankle and foot as physio steps up. All will be good unless I get carried away and do too much

[quirkywords]

Aries

Why co sone people they have to judge others and then tell them..?

how is everyone. .? Lisa Asdff and Velvet 

[asdff]

Airies we don’t do too much? 😊 Oh yes we do and not until we’ve overdone it, so we realise. I might have overdone it. Like me this week, I booked something months ago. Then it came around to go and I didn’t want to go but I had paid for it. So off I went. It’s been stupidly busy here. I much prefer low key, having lots of at home time to regulate my moods. 

[quirkywords]

Yes I do too much Asdff all the time but I do no t know until  it is all over  and I am past  exhausted.

[quirkywords]

How is everyone..

I was saddened to learn about Sinead O Connors death. 
Many headlines talked of her bipolar and mental health struggles. She had an amazing  voice and was a very compassionate person who cared for others. 

[asdff]

I’m tired Quirky and my brain seems to always be “on”. At the moment it’s taking longer to fall asleep at night and then not being able to focus on a task but wanting to do many things. Not complete them just start them. It helps with a list, so I can come back to the task but it’s exhausting. We also have construction noise near us, halfway down the street but I can still hear it.

[quirkywords]

Asdff 

I relate to being too tired to get to asleep and too restless to stay asleep and always tired in the morning and always distracted and difficult finishing tasks.

Does anyone find people who always say negative things to you and sometimes about you to be exhausting.??

[quirkywords]

Does anyone feel others write the story of their life.

I was told I should write my own ending. 
I am not sure what person meant. I also feel I control the ending mostly. 

[asdff]

Quirky, I feel this disorder has written the story of my life. Before diagnosis I used to be fun loving, energetic, entertaining and sometimes depressed. Now, I keep everything as routined as possible and still end up depressed. I’m can be entertaining at times still, mainly because I am at the point of my life where I don’t care what people think of me. So in closing I don’t think I am in control of my life I think my disorder dictates my life. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I feel I am sometimes in control but BP is always there looking over my shoulder and waiting for me to mess up. I don’t want bipolar to define me and affect my chooses but it does at times but maybe as I age other things influence my health and BP takes a back seat.

Not sure if anyone can relate.