This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

 I can feel queasy, have gastric and feel dizzy which people say is nerves and feeling very tired. 
Asdff I admire how hard yo work fir your family. 

I was like you and even at an early age understood people of all ages.  Y mum said an old wise head on a young body. 
Take care every one  and to all those who read and don’t post.

[Airies]

Hi folks, back from the cruise. Very hot, lots of people especially kids on a ship where others hold a 1000 less this held a 1000 more, never less an enjoyable trip, masked up in lifts. Rather funny watching pre recorded news only to find we we were watching Sundays news .

Didnt realise how taxing the trip would be on shore days I would retreat to the cabin midday and sleep for a number of hours.

Lisa glad to hear your partner has turned the corner and now at home. Re the work situation that’s so unfair. Sounds like they have a real girls club happening. Workplace bullying not on perhaps the union or other avenues when ready. Maybe you’re like me hated confrontation with colleagues and ensured everyone got on at my mental healths expense.

Asdff, i admire how switched on you are and the insight you had as young. Me i was slow from the word go.Now im in overdrive, so much so that I would describe myself as scattered.

im grinding my teeth at times, physical health is declining I tried to be good on the cruise, limited alcohol. I gave up coffee as it was crap with no headaches. Do others suffer from nightmares or bad dreams?

Lasltly but not least V hoping you are ok ?

[asdff]

Airies, yes I have night terrors. I yell out, swear and wake up my household. My kids now know to wake me. They used to leave it up to my husband to wake me. He sleeps in a different room as he doesn’t sleep much/ plus his sleep is disturbed without me waking him up. Nightmares are strange too. I also find certain situations exhausting and I need sleep to cope. if interested look up the Spoonie Theory. I identify greatly with this theory, in short. 
Lisa, I hope you and your partner are going okay.

How are you Quirky and Velvet? Hi to those reading along.

[Airies]

Asdff, just looked up the spoonie theory and can relate totally. I wake up with the grandest plans, yet only to fall short. You make so much sense.

How are others doing? I’m enjoying Autumn for what it is 

Asdff once again thanks for sharing 

[quirkywords]

I had heard of spoonie theory but needed to read it again. Thank Asdff.

i am trying to live with my tiredness of long covid and the fact I get breathless where once I used to climb steep hills. 
There is so much sadness and people experiencing trauma in the world and on this forum that my tiredness pales into nothing. That’s the plan. 

[quirkywords]

I imagine what people are like who write here. Of course I know people online by their words but I feel people here support and listen. 
often in real life people don’t listen or understand.

[Lisa611]

Hi all...I hope everyone is doing well. I've spent the last 2 weeks with my partner, driving him to appointments. I went back to work today. Like usual I didn't say anything. Airies I'm non confrontational. I find difficult conversations really challenging. I don't like upsetting people. If someone says something to me, which isn't often because I'm a people pleaser, I think of things I should of said afterwards. I'm glad you had a good time on the cruise. I turn 56 this year and I'm not aging the best. I watch what I eat most of the time. I admit I splurge every now and then but nothing over the top. I'm on cholesterol and diabetes medication. Diabetes runs in my family. I've had 3 back operations. My body feels stiff and sore everyday. I try to be positive but there are times when I feel down. I'm not sure if I'm slipping back into a low. I'm on the lowest dose of antidepressant that I've been on in years. I really don't want to up it because when I'm on a high dose I feel emotionally numb. Thank you for giving me a place to vent.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

thanks for the update. You must be exhausted. I am a people pleaser like you and I find it hard to cope with conflict so I usually avoid it. 
i am am nearly a decade older than you and aging is a pain. My memory which was great is letting me down,  I seem to be tired a lot and yes I repeat myself a lot. 
i have been on a mood stabiliser fir over 30 years and guess I will be forever. 
big wave to all Velvet, Lisa, Asdff and Aries and all those reading and nodding. Welcome all.

[Airies]

Lisa, second you must be exhausted. My wife who I lean on daily has the same scenario with my operation next week and ongoing appointments.My dreams nightly revolve about me being on the outside, wanting to belong and being lost.It’s not fun aging . I just turned 60, meniscus tears ops on both knees years ago , a hip replacement and now my ankle and foot reconstruction.

I wish I could eat in moderation. I will have to in the future.

Take care of yourself. I was bullied, unsupported in my role and always went the extra mile pleasing the needs of what was required at my expense. 

[quirkywords]

Aries 

I hope all goes well for your operation. How long will you be in hospital for. 
Having a support spouse must really make a big difference. I have had a few partners but not one has been supportive. 
in our area there was a health free health check sponsored by govt and universities for over  50s and after lots of questions and tests I am feeling old even though I though I was quite fit. 
i do sorry my mental health which has been stable for many years but get worse as I age. 
i am still waiting for the wisdom that comes with age.