This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I wonder are you assertive and not aggressive. Some women can be called aggressive. I can get frustrated and called aggressive  but. I am just saying how I feel. 

Velvet thanks for keeping in touch. 

[Airies]

Hi folks, I get told why are you grumpy with me? I don’t know I just am . It’s that constant state of flux. Anniversary coming up many years and she deserves a medal.Measured up for a moon boot. Hopefully the surgery will result in some improvement.It’s a bigger op then I expected but us BPs are a unique lot. Might get some more ink done for my birthday. 

[quirkywords]

I am told I am miss grumpy. Aries.

aries you and your wife sound like a great couple. Happy anniversary. 
hope the moon boot works. 

[velvetfaerie]

Good luck with the surgery!!! 

I am also considering more ink for my birthday hahahaa. 

All ok here. I'm just focussing on myself. Some people in my life, (one threw such a fit they're no longer welcome in my life), they don't like me drawing boundaries. 

I'm focussing on my own progress, my own health, my own growth, me. For a change. 

One friend, male, (No offence!! I love men!!! Ahhaa), five weeks ago decided to start trying to get closer to me when I was vulnerable. He demanded I blocked someone else, (I didn't). 

Over the last 5 weeks he has constantly messaged, sent pics and videos, (nothing obscene). If I don't reply straight away I'd get another 5 or more. Eventually Friday they asked what the deal was. I said I was at work and I'm also focussing on myself. He made a comment about me replying. I said I wasn't aware I was obligated to stay in constant contact all day every day, (he'd message all hours of the day and night). So he abused me and...he's blocked. He just destroyed a friendship. I have never led this man on. Never. He would carry on and on and on and wanted me to get the hint and start the chase. No. Not interested. Never was. 

This entitlement and constant need for validation is gross.

I had another friend on Friday want attention. I said I have no more spoons. I have had A LOT happen this week. 

She sooked. So I said call me when I am driving home I'll have my earphones in. Silence. 

I don't want these types in my life. They don't do unto others. Ever.

[velvetfaerie]

Hahaha sorry about the long post 🤣🤣

[quirkywords]

Not long at all .pleased to hear your news and thoughts.

Entitled, I had an ex like that and they were so arrogant too.

Glad you can set boundaries I fine I stretch mine 

Take care 

[asdff]

Velvet, how are you feeling after the iron infusion? I probably need some iron tablets, GP ruled out low thyroid function. 

Airies, all the best for the surgery. Come on here when you get bored. 

Quirky, I’m not assertive just aggressive. Yes and I express hurt as anger. 

How is Lisa?

As for me I’m tired. Probably hypomanic as I want to fo though my cupboards and donate, giving away, ditch things. Does anyone else when hypomanic  act as if they are moving house? This coping mechanism started when I was in my early adulthood and we moved house often. My ex Boyfriend and I. I liked the thrill of getting rid of stuff. As we know being bipolar, then I want to acquire stuff. How exhausting! I don’t go overboard buying things. Well somethings I do and I’m sure Airies will laugh at this comment; I do go overboard when buying things for a new hobby or interest. What in the world? These hyper focused/hyper fixations are exhausting. Why can’t I be hyper focused on housework? Well sometimes I am. Why can’t I be hyper focused on writing a book or something that might make me money? 

[velvetfaerie]

I have set boundaries with 4 men this year. One was extremely apologetic and we talked it out and we are still friends.

Two threw fits and were nasty. I gave neither of them ANY flirting. Not even close. I know how hurtful that stuff is if it's insincere. The other one well, until he figures out what he wants I'm not engaging. He flirted with me. I flirted back. Loads of chemistry. Lots of things in common. It was all there then suddenly I am only a friend. All I said to him was please figure out which it is as this is confusing and hurtful. Boom. I'm the problem.

I looked for none of these clowns either!!! Ahhaa. 

Single is awesome. 

Iron infusion has worked a treat until today. Had huge workout yesterday and today is day 1 of expelling haemoglobin LOL!!! 

[quirkywords]

Asdff 

I relate to wanting to sort and donate and buying too many things. Nowadays it is just op shops so I do t spend too much. I had nothing 3 years ago and now I have one room and a garage full of books and Nic nacs,!!! I agree I would love to focus my energy ir writing a book or one my many ideas. 
velvet,

Thanks for updating in the 4 men. 
I have never heard of iron infusion. 
Big wave to everyone. Aries and Lisa hope you are ok. 

[Airies]

Hi folks, The surgeries a while away yet.A short cruise over for a milestone birthday first. Velvet some men are a holes. I’m sure good one do exist. Wow you have you hands full with your iron infusions and everything else going on. When it rains it pours. I’m over COVID but I’m not. I’m getting pretty tired easily.I’m sure it’s an age thing as well.

Asdff we are like 2 peas in a pod. I’m often angry, just say it as it is and ,y remarks can be quite cutting. I notice the most bizarre things about everyone. It’s that nypervigilance. I’m tired of my dreams, not nightmare but I’m aware of them when I awake so it’s one or the other.Just looking on EBay for another purchase haha.

Any books we tend to donate once read and then replace with another.Going through a phase of watching old films from the 40s onwards. My mum was the same. Reading a book on Vivienne Leigh who also suffered from Bipolar. E books are ok but not like the real thing.

Lisa I hope this finds you ok.  I look forward to everyone s posts and sharing our highs and lows as we venture on this journey that we only know