This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Aries  I hope your wife is ok and you are too. 
hope you can rest and maybe watch movies. 

[quirkywords]

Happy first of Autumn.
Aries I hope you are coping with the cruise. 
Lisa Velvet and Asdff I hope you are ok. 

[Lisa611]

Hi All! 

Airies at least you got a free upgrade...a room with a balcony sounds much nicer than an ordinary cabin. Try to make the best of it. I've been busy at work. I've been feeling ok. Last time I saw my psych he said I could take a lower dose of antidepressant. I haven't dropped the dose because I haven't been that low in years. I'm a bit scared to be honest. I don't want to slip into a depression. My mood has been stable. I feel good. I've put my house on the market. Am hoping that I can work 3 days a week next year. Fingers crossed. Bring on the weekend 🙂

[Airies]

Lisa611, that sounds like a wonderful work life balance. It’s nice to have fresh air and sleep to the sound of the waves. I finally tested positive. Day 6 of being locked up haha but anyway we have a short cruise in Aus for a milestone birthday which will be our last. Cruise not birthday. Hope the rest of the gang are doing ok. Have internet but hit and miss, 

cheers Airies

[asdff]

Oh no Airies, enjoy the love bubble with wife. I hope you only have mild symptoms. Do the crew drop supplies at your door? 

We have a weekend of social gatherings, not my favourite thing to do at the moment. I’m in a downer, I have had some support from an unlikely source, my Dad. He rang to wish other members of my family happy birthday. Heard I wasn’t doing so well and asked why. I was crying and he he rung up the past two days to check on me. He has changed in the past few years, doing his own therapy and work on himself. I am really surprised that he knew I was unwell. He also had some advice on not saying too much/getting angry about a situation; slowly down my breathing and walking outside away from the situation. I am actually touched. It has been a long, trouble road to having a sort of meaningful relationship. 

[velvetfaerie]

Hey dudes. I am ok. I've been very busy the last couple of weeks. Bit low in iron too so a bit tired. I've been doing lots of social and I need a break from it so that's now. Yesterday I had 4 people want to see me. Overwhelm!!! I saw 2 because it worked out well timing wise ahhaha.

Airies I hope you guys are going ok!! 

Straight talking and authentic self Is very liberating. I've been doing it a lot. The key is in delivery.  Walking away for a breather is always a good thing too. Circuit breaker I call it.

I've had 3 people tell me repeatedly the last 3 months how I physically look different. My eyes, skin, physique have all become so vibrant due to me being authentic with myself and being away from an abusive relationship for about 1.5yrs. Now I've been away for so long I can see how he was so toxic. Man thing. I am so happy I finally booted him from my life.

Lisa, I hope things are going well re the antidepressants if changes were made. 

[quirkywords]

Aries hope you and your wife are okish. 

Velvet thanks for the update.

It is so reassuring to hear how others have noticed the difference in how vibrant you lie since leaving the toxic relationship.

Asdff that must have been comforting to have your dad check up on you. I can see how his concern would be touching. 

Lisa glad your mood has been stable.

Thanks again to all you wonderful people sharing so honestly your thoughts and experiences .

[asdff]

My weekend, in fact my whole week has been like a bumpy road. Managed to get through a hard event yesterday, opened an email with a big medical quote attached. We knew that one was coming, it’s still a shock. I have trauma and shame related to large amounts of money due to childhood. I do love how other people love to trivialise my trauma “you have money now”, “I also grew up with no money” and other really unhelpful comments. Yes, silly people did you see your mother put groceries back because you couldn’t afford them on multiple occasions? Did you have multiple people living in your house to save on living costs? (this one would be happening right now with the rental/housing crisis). I could go on about what happened to make it an issues for me but I won’t.

Velvet, so glad you are glowing and winning at things. 

Airies how is Covid? Is your wife better? I hope you get some nice sunsets or sunrises, depending on where you are.

Quirky, have you read any good books lately? I’ve started a Colleen Hoover book, she seems to the popular author of the moment. I also have Jane Eyre on the go, but it’s hard going. So I’ve mixed it in with the popular fiction.

Lisa, good luck with the house sale. Do you have an idea of where you want to go? Is it downsizing or a change of scenery. I’ve seen a block in a country down, away from it all. In an ideal world, we would have a holiday house there. Or perhaps one winning lottery ticket.

[Airies]

Hi folks,  Asdff love the term love bubble. My wife is out of isolation, so she’s out stretching her legs. Last 24 hours were rough, so a bout of sea sickness for her and rough seas still. No wonder it’s called the big ditch. Lots of miscommunication amongst staff when ordering food,towels,hazard bags and so on.Guess they’re trying their best. To top it off a knock on the door and told we have to move , your wife is clear or words to that effect. He was so hard to understand. My wife was out but told them she was tired , had packed twice and I had tested positive. They relented but I’m starting to Frey at the edges.Everything is delivered to your door.

Your health is your top priority. Unfortunately medical comes at a cost but I can only imagine what it’s like.It’s so nice to hear from you , all of you . With regards to books , I’m reading an ebook called Betty Grable The girl with the million dollar legs via internet archive. I love reading about the old film stars

V, so glad to see you’re in a good place.As they say beauty comes from within.

Quirky , how are you doing? You would be very disappointed with the library on board. A couple of rows of books and that’s it. I never had a chance to look. Hopefully my garden hasn’t frazzled in the heat.

Lisa, we’ve only moved once in our married life.What seemed huge,daunting just went smoothly and 4 years later not a single regret. I wish you well in your endeavours.,

[quirkywords]

Asdff, 

I am sorry people don’t understand your experience.

i tend to read non fiction am rereading mythology books and a biography if John Cade who discovered the connection between lithium and bipolar. Fascinating man. 
aries it must be comp,I ate and tiring on the cruise. When do you get back home.