This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Velvet, sorry to hear about your Dad. Also the man that has been going after your vulnerabilities. I hope the weekend is one of rest for you.

Airies, I hope the surgery is a success when it happens.

Lisa, has work been okay?

Quirky, how was the volunteering been? 
As for me, I have another psychologist appointment next week. Even though I was meant to see a new psychiatrist, I couldn’t get an appointment. Fingers crossed I don’t feel attacked like I did last visit. 

[velvetfaerie]

I had a scary and traumatic and infuriating thing happen this am. Long story but I was harassed and stalked by 2 carloads of people making false allegations. I called 2 police stations for them to take down number plates and was told to get to the station.  I was on foot. These people HAD CARS! Then I was told call 000. I did. I was told to stay and wait. They took over 90mins to show up. 

I'm OK just absolutely exhausted after this week. The good and the emotional stuff has drained me.

Tomorrow when I can engage I'm writing a complaint to who I need to. The premier? Hmm....

[Airies]

Thankfully you weren’t Physically harmed. What was the police response?Maybe local MP, the Ombudsman. Simply not good enough when you can’t feel safe walking or anything really. I know emergency services are overloaded and can be a bit hardened to complaints but their response sounds like they were simply going through the motions. Take care, stay safe and hugs from afar

[quirkywords]

Vekevet I wrote a supportive rep,y and hit rep,y but can’t see it. Like Aries I mentioned ombudsman. 
i hope you are ok.

[Lisa611]

Velvet I hope you're ok. 

[quirkywords]

How is everyone.?
has anyone found their authentic voice or even know what it means.?

[asdff]

Authentic voice….. maybe be true to yourself. Gosh no, I don’t have an authentic voice. It differs on different days with my different moods. Sometimes my authentic voice would be a sharp shooter, telling it how it is. Even if it offends people. The next day I might regret what I say. These days I try to reign that sharp shooter in and stay at home so I don’t offend people.

As for how I am feeling? Tired. Physically tired, emotionally average. I’m not at the bottom of the well/ladder. Just sitting below average mood. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

your comment makes sense. 
I can relate to being tired. 

[Airies]

Authentic voice Asdff captures it so well and me to a tee.I relate on so so many levels. Just been upgraded on our cruise to a balcony, my wife has tested positive to Covid. Im negative and given option of remaining in the other cabin. Why would I ? Im not leaving her side. So we are confined to cabin for ramainder of cruise .

[asdff]

It’s nice that they offered Airies. If my husband was snoring on a cruise, I would take the other room. As for the straight talker she is back. I get so tired of not upsetting people and not asking for what I want. Then in waltz other people and make demands on people that I was trying to make their life easier. This all relates to step families/extended families. I dislike them. My own mother doesn’t say no. Doesn’t offer me any help, yet gives help to all and sundry.