This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Hi, Welcome home Lisa. Quirky, I meant my mind was being irrational. However, an irrational playlist works too. It would probably be depressing music, then fast music and back and forth. I’m sure Velvet would come up with something, being the musical one of us. School holidays has been hard going, I have managed to keep exercising but that is about it with the routines. My kids know about my illness but I don’t think they understand U can’t control my moods. They just think I’m angry. I try, I try so hard to keep it under control but it spills out. Not long to go now, thank goodness.

[Airies]

Hi folks, 

Velvet, I hope you are doing ok . Asdff same same, I’m irrational fixated on things and then move on.My wife tries to understand but I guess no one gets us like us and eve with this I struggle.

Quirky I know is into books, asdff I think is Australian defence force female, velvet I think is comforting. That’s how my mind operates. I overthink everything. I hope I haven’t offended anyone.

Good on you Asdff for exercising through it all, so so beneficial. My kids are young adults and all I want them to be in life is happy.

I am totally wrecked at the moment. Pain level pretty high with feet, knee and other issues. The price I’ve paid with excess. Will try and ride just to loosen up. I now know what my mum meant when she used to say “ everything hurts “ .I think I’m gods gift to the medical profession as I’ve more medical appointment ahead of me but that’s ok I have to push through.

, 

[velvetfaerie]

Hey dudes. Yeh I'm good!! Ironically I've been focussing on music!! I'm very rusty these days, but, it's my passion. I also have created a play list. Massive one. Music to me is emotion expressed when the spoken word is simply inadequate. 

I also cut out gluten and dairy and I feel a million bucks. Fitter. Stronger. Happier. Calmer.

One of my favourite work colleagues resigned last week. She's been struggling with her MH and our workplace isn't exactly progressive. She has a better job and is happy. That's what is important. I helped her through a huge panic attack the other day. 

A friend of mine has been cut off. Why? Zero self awareness and the inability to discuss when things they have done or said hurt me. Funny that this person loves to point out when others act the same way. He has treated me the same way the other guy did. Different subjects though. They're very alike. They also hate each other!!! 

Many people around me at the moment are struggling. Some take it out on me and I've said enough. 

But I am ok. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm being true to me and rebuilding my broken soul. It's very rewarding.

The boy I haven't spoken to for ever is also seemingly on his journey, but seems depressed too. He has shared music he has written. Only the music. Words, in any regard, are not his thing. Very reminiscent of Jeff Buckleys version of Hallelujah. 

It's stinking hot and it's only 9am. URGH!!! Not much sleep last night due to the heat, and being a bit perplexed. 

Never offensive Airies. Birthday soon hey? 

Asdff school holidays and hot weather. I hope you are OK. Get that playlist happening!!! Lisa welcome home. I am jealous. I want a holiday away. Soon!!! 

Quirky... ask away. I'm sorry I've been away. I've thought of you all but been so focussed on other bits and bobs.❤

[Airies]

Velvet, your post Brought a smile to my dial as it’s so so good to see you bobbing along so well. I love my music , listening to it anyway. I turn it right up often singing along and I’m sure the neighbours can hear it but hey the world would be such a dull and quiet Place without it. So many artists of late are passing but they party hard and good luck to them.

yes a milestone birthday coming up but they are all milestones these days and we will be sailing away on a short cruise north to celebrate. Apart from the food haha I do like the shows and some of the musicians who have been good and some not so flash. Mid 20s here down south.🤗

[quirkywords]

Hello vel, Lisa,, Aries

[quirkywords]

Sorry my post just want to go early. Hello all.

great to read what you are up to. 
i got given a Fitbit watch for my birthday and am now obsessed with steps and sleep tracking. Problem is it only notices steps when you move arms my arms don’t move when walking. 
has anyone ideas of getting Fitbit to work for you. 

[Airies]

Quirky, well done with moving with the times.. sorry I couldn’t help myself. I had a cheap tracker watch, way to small as I had to put my specs on and another one of my many not so smart  purchases. Fitbits are pretty good and a very happy birthday to you. Maybe have a look online, others here might be more savvy. I have a tracker on my bike, heart rate monitor and wear when I ride as I love the data it collects. 

[quirkywords]

Aries thanks. I seem to let data worry me , instead of embracing it. 
I wonder is tracking our movements and sleep . 

[asdff]

My tolerance is low, small things that I can sometimes brush off are bothering me. I could with some isolation but still have people around me. They wonder why little things set me off? Well if things didn’t bother me, wouldn’t I be “normal? “. I am tired, it’s been a long holidays. We didn’t go away nor having exhausting Summer Sport, which serves two purposes; tires the kids out and gives me some routine. 

[Lisa611]

Hi All,

And just like that the break is over lol. Back to work tomorrow. I saw my psych yesterday he said I can cut down on the dose of the antidepressant again. I think I'm doing really well. I just have to be cautious of a relapse. I hope everyone is plodding along ok 🙂