This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Can't ignore the red flags. I learnt my lessons over the years. I hope. 

This dude doesn't get another chance. Playing with my feelings for attention is disgusting.  He hurt me. He knows. He doesn't care.

[quirkywords]

Velvet it is sad when people who have been hurt, then hurt others. 
I have given tenth chances what a fool I was. 

[Lisa611]

Hi All, just reading the posts to catch up. Thought I'd check in. Only 2 days of work left!!! 

[asdff]

School is over here Lisa. I try and transition myself to being in their company, all the time. I want to write that in capitals, to emphasise how hard I find it. My psych said I should send them to my in laws when I need a mental health day. I find it hard to do things like that. I just trudge along, doing the best I can. I know people that lump their kids on their parents all the time. I’m waffling now, I am not sure how I am mood wise. I think it’s hypomanic, I am all over the place finding things to do but not getting anything substantial done. Blergh. I hope we are going okay. 

[asdff]

This is another part of my cycles; buy all of the things or want to buy all of the things. Then get rid of all of the things, give them away, donate them or sell them. I think Airies is similar in this sense? I’ve read that we hyper focus on things. My goodness, it’s exhausting being bipolar. 

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I relate to buying too much, cull it by donating them, sell a few. 
now I just buy op shop stuff. 
lisa enjoy your holiday . 

[quirkywords]

I had a very social weekend with relatives on the weekend. Has anyone found that I. Last few years they find large groups exhausting. 

[Airies]

Asdff, far from waffle. So so alike.I hyper focus, even internally counting a banana as I’m lm slicing it. Try to count calories but it’s a hit and miss happening. Excercise and then undo it all yet again.

Lisa are you going away? I think teachers earn every cent and then some. 
very small Xmas at our house, that’s ok. Will be exhausting enough. I’m in my own little world. Even though a walk is done every morning and now riding when I can it takes me half the day to wake up.  I’m glad I can relate to so many here I really can’t be bothered with some so called friends. A annual catch-up is more then enough for them.

[asdff]

Quirky, yes large gatherings are exhausting. We had one last weekend, when I’m hypermanic it’s okay. I can do it. When depressed I look for a way to not attend. I’m starting to come into the depression I can feel it. Not good timing. My children are on holidays, one sleeps till 10 or 11. The other gets up early like me. Then wants ro be entertained. I still have household chores to do and I exercise, I don’t have the energy to play, take this high energy child out especially with the Christmas crowds and it’s hot where I am. I just told the energetic child I will do something with you, just not right now.  

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I don’t think I am depressed I am just exhausted  and no motivation.