This bipolar life
Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.
Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.
Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.
Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.
Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope
Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.
Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.
I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!
Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.
So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.
I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!
No one gossiped about me and in the work environment I would nip it in the bud if it was about others. I had a nurturing side to me and in my position was in charge of my shift.
I was made well aware of someone spreading gossip about me when I was really unwell.,I don’t how they found out. I ran across the same person at the dentist, she said “,we must catch up for coffee” I treated her with the contempt she deserves. Unfortunately my work environment thrived on gossip. I was not a participant.
Lisa, psychs are the experts. Medication is such an individual thing. I’d definitely be guided by him/her. Sometimes it takes a while to notice a change;swing in mood. These are natural responses. We have a chemical imbalance and the meds pay a part in making things right.
You’ve been through a lot and remember to be kind to yourself.
I often ask what my normal is and for me it was having moods. After finding the first medication I tried stabilised me, the me now and for past 30 years is being stable. I have had partners friends and family that “ I am not
much fun anymore”.
Maybe I am not much fun but I am not doing risk taking that could have led me to do unlawful things and I am not have not had the darkest of depressions.
I am not much fun now but I have my moments, This is me .
If you trust your psych let them know how you feel and your concerns.
Been an interesting week. Cold week. Confronting week.
Gossip in my workplace is the privilege of the hierarchy. They can gossip, others can't. They can do & say as they please. Others can't.
The extreme toxicity and unhealthy workplace has reached combustion point. An event last week has shaken us underlings. We are angry and fed up. The injustices and corruption needs to be brought to light.
Statutory bodies are being consulted in due course.
Enough is enough.
I can't really explain due to the triggering nature.
I said this year is it. It's started. Not before time either.
Supportive boss doesn't know yet.
I didn't start this process. Another colleague did after hearing about someone else.
Honestly this needs to be seen through. Then we either stay because changes have been made or we leave.
The powers that be have got away with too much for too long.
They actually don't really bully me much anymore since I stood right up to them many years ago. They learnt then that I know my way around laws and policies and gathering evidence.
So that's my role in this maybe. Its going to be a team effort. The safety reps are spearheading it.
I have a manager at the moment asking me to work for her knowing I'm already working in 2 other areas under 2 other managers those days. She also left them off the email. Nice try. **forward** and "no".