This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

I hope you're recovery is successful Lisa.

I've had a very emotional and very confronting day.

As expected, not 1 friend has been there for me.

Not. One.

Flip side- they can't even be there when I send off a close family member. Need alone other issues going on with close family thats very sad and scary.

Happy Easter to all. Rebirth right ??

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am sorry that when you needed someone to help you say goodbye to a close family member, you were let down.

I am concerned about the issues you have with your family.

You have had so much to deal with for quite a while.
It must be disappointing to be let down by the ones you hope would be there for you.

Thinking of you.

[velvetfaerie]

There is more. Always is. Discovered stuff re ex thing and I feel sick.

Also had a friend tell me to just not think about things.

Helpful huh?

I am very alone and disappointed. I'm not helping them again. Ever. They're treating me like he did.

I don't like those types.

[velvetfaerie]

I feel like I'm the horrible person for removing people from my life who are toxic. I just can't handle it anymore. Why should I allow myself to be mistreated constantly so they'll be my friend?

That's not friendship.

[quirkywords]

I agree V people who continually mistreat you are not your friend.

I had someone who was affecting my mental health by saying I was the best friend they had and then a few hours later they would tell me I was a horrible mean person who betrayed them.

It was exhausting and I never knew what mood the person would be in.

Later they then made out they were the victim .

I am sorry V that you have to go through this on top of everything else.

[velvetfaerie]

Did you remove them from your life?

They sound abusive.

[asdff]

Oh yeah really helpful Velvet. Not. If it was so easy to stop overthinking, I would have my battles halved. I’m glad you are cutting non helpful people from your life. I hope you find a friend that will have your back.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

Yes, I did and it was hard , and it took me a while and I still feel a bit guilty.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

doesn’t It annoy you when people say stop overthinking, stop ruminating,etc.

I want to say if it was easy I would have done it years ago.

I think a friend who will have your back is what we all need. i hope everyone has one.

I think people who are supportive have so many of their own issues that offering support can be tricky.

[velvetfaerie]

Asdff you made me smile. It's a very dismissive attitude. One of them has been in an abusive relationship, the other has bipolar disorder!!! **head desk**

Go figure!!!

One friend who stonewalled me for something I said and she had no context. We spoke. We are cool. Long story.

I joined a social site. I've joined groups for just social stuff and domestic abuse support.

I won't ever date again ahhaa.

Toxic people want you to feel guilty for putting down boundaries. They benefit from people having none. They suck.