This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[white knight]

Hi wringer

My wife's rx husband I matchmade with (who also was my ex BIL, another story) couldn't tighten a nut and bolt. Nor couldn't many men I know.

I'm a handyman type, we just built our own house.

I mention this because at least your hubby gives things a go even if he has to google it.

Roller door motors and mechanisms are a pain in the butt, fragile and annoying to work on and often malfunction.

But as a man I must mention that while some women criticise guys for their lack of handyman ability the same women have never held a spanner.

It's no different to men expecting the woman to cook which is fine if that's their agreed role, but then mocking the meal that "she's a bad cook". It can hurt if she finds out from friends he said it.

I don't know, would you rather employ an expensive tradie or your guy to fix everything that breaks? Just curious

TonyWK

[Airies]

Leisa, I’ve had a few admissions both private and public.The public was ok but I was out of it. I can remember being quite scared on my first admission hearing the chap next door and fearful of going out of my room. I’ve had numerous in the private sector as well for medication reviews, the need to escape the world and so on.Staff we’re generally ok. It’s not an easy job. If I had to I’d go again.

My son flies back overseas again and it was a tearful departure before hid Uber pickup. I struggle to show emotion thanks meds but was a mess and feel like crap. I hate an empty house. I’m tearing up just typing this.

My ukulele and YouTube tube tutes are going well. At least I think so. Baby steps. Take care everyone 🙂

[asdff]

Oh Airies, sending virtual hugs. My children aren’t old enough to travel overseas without us. I will be a mess when they can.

[quirkywords]

Aries, wringer, Leisa, Tony, Velvet, Asdff, Lisa and everyone reading,

What complex times we live in.

Floods, fire, covid, war what next.?
Hope everyone is coping and being kind to oneself .

[velvetfaerie]

War is one thing that terrifies me. The eerie parallels to previous history isn't lost on me. Not with very strong family ties to that area.

Horrible. I fear this is only the start.

[Leisa68]

Hello all,

Yes quirky, what is next? I'm a bit frightened to find out really there is so much in the world going on at the moment. The floods up here will take some time to reduce, my sister has no power, in fact a lot of people have no power at the moment, I really feel for them. My sister was told it will take four days before she will get power on again as the gizmo that supplies them with electricity is under water. I am okay though, I live on the side of a hill so no problems there.

Thanks Airies for your post, I am sorry that your son had to go, it must be very hard. I am travelling okay with the change of meds, I have hope that these will work and reduce my irritation. I have studied all day today and getting things ready for my assignments. I participated in a Zoom call with all my other classmates across the country today from the course, it was nice to speak to them and find out where they are from. Wringer I hate change too, hopefully hubby will be steady with the reduction of alcohol, I understand Gout is very painful.

I am doing okay and hope you all are too.

Leisa

[asdff]

Velvet and all, I find the news sicken. The images and behaviours from one man to another. Do you find you can filter it out a small amount if you read the news, rather than watching it?

I am just trying to make it this one day at a time. The future is scary. The present is scary.

[wringer]

asdff I draw a circle around who and what I love and that becomes my only I focus. Outside of my circle is negative provocation and the makers of troubles have their own circle/agenda. Like the medias agenda I think is to sell advertising and they can twist a story to suit their projected outcomes. Have you noticed how news stories actually coincide with a product marketed in the very next advert? Like a story about a bogged car followed by an ad for a stain removing washing liquid. I think the media is trying to dumb our population down! Try to have a nice day 😉

[quirkywords]

Happy March to all. What will this month bring.
Thinking of everyone who is struggling.

They say one day at a time sometimes it is one minute.

I think finding the balance between self care and concern for others near and far is difficult.

Someone said I was burying my head in the sand as I restricted my news I take, I have been doing this for years. It made me think that do I need to make myself unwell to show I care and am well informed .?

Wringer I like the circle idea .

[Airies]

Hi folks. Leisa68 glad to hear you are doing ok. Your words convey a calmness and warmth. I feel for people suffering from the floods and other atrocities around the world. Not a fan of March 1. It marks a tragic anniversary but tomorrow is another day. Not happy to have received a letter from local council about complaint made about my dog barking. I quickly telephoned and the complainant needs to keep a log and then it goes from there. The thing is as I pointed out , my dog rarely barks. There are others close by that do. Anyway not happy Jan.Not a catAstrophe given what’s happening elsewhere but I didn’t need it yesterday.
Will be relieved when son lands in the UK so he can be with his wife.

Hope others are doing ok