This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

I cannot dance but love watching it. I watched a ballet two years ago for the first time ever. They were from an Italian ballet dance company (cannot remember the name) and I could not get over how strong they were on their feet and nimble! The ballet was called "Giselle" and it was wonderful.

My bipolar makes me feel like I'm not me insofar as I am almost standing beside myself watching what is going on. I often internalize it and don't let any emotion come to the surface. I know this is not great, but it is how I survive. I am still going through a down period mostly and want this period to end. I need a strategic plan like yourself Wringer. That sounds like the way to go. I hope you feel better now.

Everyone I hope you have a good night

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa

I can relate to your sentences.

“My bipolar makes me feel like I'm not me insofar as I am almost standing beside myself watching what is going on “.

When I was vey manic I felt I was watching my. Bizarre behaviour by looking down from high.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

that is great to be able to write

The waves of sadness are very few and far between now. They come, but don't hang around for long.

It will give hope to many people reading

[asdff]

My bipolar comes through as angry and irritably. Then it comes through as depression, a deep dark depression.

I made it through the family thing. Not too bad. I did get angry about having to organise all of the things. It was stinking hot, again!!!

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I have forgotten what stinking hot was, I think our hottest day this summer has been 29 C.

Yes angry , impatient and irritable where every little thing that annoys me has been magnified a hundred times!!

Wringer .

Yes, I have told family sometimes I just need to rest but instead of letting me I am seen as lazy and immature .

It must be so frustrating for you.

Some people just dont get it

[asdff]

Quirky, you don’t want this heat it’s dreadful. Apparently we have broken another heat record that we don’t want 31 Summer days or more over 35 degrees. We have never used our air conditioning this much and it’s ducted so it doesn’t work so well in the humidity.

[white knight]

Hi

Irritability is a major problem for me. For some reason I cant be enthusiastic about explaining things to close loved ones. A roof tradie is working on a house nearby, my lovely wife says "he must be installing insulation". I know he is repairing a leak as he has glue and a drill, but I say "nah, he's repairing a leak" suddenly I sound arrogant but it is simply lack of patience.

Patience- read here-

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/supermarket-shelves

The theme is- you cant buy patience. So I get irritable because I havent got the patience to explain things. It isnt a nice feeling for my wife though. These issues dont help our relationships but we cant help it. Being a little manic is a bi product too, of lack of patience.

TonyWK

[Airies]

Asdff, I’m glad we got a giggle. Quirky and I often think alike as we are similar vintage.Can picture you with your Sunhat and shades. I’m in a constant state or irritation yet once never was.

The waves of sadness are very few and far between now. They come, but don't hang around for long.Wow that is simply beautiful. Can relate.

My bipolar makes me feel like I'm not me insofar as I am almost standing beside myself watching what is going on “. i can relate to this as well. My moments of clarity are few yet at times the wind, colours, sound, my body is so intense. It’s weird. And as a side note I’ve realised as I have before but rarely practiced the art of cut and paste hence the brilliant quotes from others above. Me I often put my foot in mouth.

im tired, it’s been a busy few weeks. I need a very early night , good sleep and tomorrow is another day,

take care, beautiful people

[quirkywords]

Tony I find I hear myself sounding pendantic and often sound like a teacher slowly explaining something to a student . I don’t like my tone or impatience.

AriesI get irritable an tgerritabke that little things annoy me . When I volunteer I have to stop myself so other volunteers actions do not upset me. It is often petty and I need to remind I am a volunteering and this is not my shop.

Just last night we had a loud thunderstorm so little sleep. A week of thunderstorms and rain predicted. Asdff we had about 4 hrs of sun today and people were complaining of the heat. Really we may have had 5 summer days this summer.

[wringer]

Hello group and I really hope you are all well.

I have noticed that if I experience a BP attack that yes my voice changes and I have a great dog who actually leaves my side to signal this. Then I know I must do breathing exercises to lower my heart rate and to relax.

No lies I've been depressed about the BP mortality rate post, what with my bad luck I fear the spinning bottle will stop and be pointing at me. It scares me because I am the ultimate worrier. Please does anyone have something less relevant yet more scary to share. Bye