This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[asdff]

Quirky you got it in one. The switch in the head and we overreact. My husband is trying to make me see that something not known about someone not out of character. It’s exactly in character, they just couldn’t share it. This unknown thing is the horse that broke the camels back. I’m down. I cried with a mask on in the shops yesterday, looking for birthday presents for different people. The heat has gotten to me, the doing extra paid work is gotten to me, the checking in everywhere and turn the food stores not having stock.’so you have to go to another shop and start the check in process again. Then that food store doesn’t have what you want. Then your dinner plans turn to rubbish. Then your premier holds a press conference, which you don’t watch as you are too busy but you find out that your state is opening the borders. You wonder if you cancel your husband’s birthday plans because of these extra people coming in and it’s a hotel stay.

[asdff]

I am in my bedroom that is where I go when I am depressed. Where do you go? I also sit in the couch watching TV but my husband is there watching things that are too loud for me. We have a family show on tomorrow, so wish me luck. When I am up they are easy. When I’m down it’s hard. Hard to keep up the facade.

[quirkywords]

Asdff, your posts are so relatable. I got to a room with books but as long as I am alone.
I suppose I gave up the mask or facade when people saying I was lazy and selfish.
Tell me more about family show.?

[Airies]

Asdff, so so alike in many ways. I tend to go to the bedroom, try and sleep, get comfortable sometimes with no success.Reach for prescribed meds.Last night was another do. It’s been a busy fortnight. Today was housework with no one home. It is a battle.I’m interested in the family show as well if you’re willing to share

[asdff]

You’ve made me giggle. Do you think it’s a show we are putting on? No, it’s a family event, Birthday. Sorry, we call them that or a Family Bun Fight. Does that explain it or do we need more? It’s outside in this gross heat. I can hide a bit behind my sunglasses and hat.

[Leisa68]

Hi all

Asdff, I go to my study when I feel utterly crap and open my computer and study. That seems to give me a bearing on my moods and life. I have felt utterly crap today unfortunately but things are improving. Have just watched a movie starring Christopher Lee "The face of Dr. Fu Manchu". Was quite the adventure, enjoyed that.

Wringer I can reiterate this is a place to dump and burn and feel safe. I hope you will feel the same one day soon too. Today I had the parent's visit (always a stressful event) my mother lately is bringing over stuff from their place to hand over to me, I already have so much already but take it anyway. It is like she is giving stuff away to make things better later. I understand and feel very sad about it.

Have a busy week, with a lecture on dance on Tuesday night and a play on Wednesday, and an art gallery visit on Friday. Quite the gadabout. Despite the moods.

I hope you are all well

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Asdff

that sounds like fun if in a good mood. i was hoping it would be a musical or a talent show.

English language has so many meanings to the one word .

Tell us how it goes.

[quirkywords]

Leisa Thanks for your post.
can y ou dance and do others here like to dance.

I have no rhythm or timing yet like doing fun childrens dances. I can do the hokie pokie and chicken dance and Macarena and a fake tango.

[velvetfaerie]

I go to my room as well when depressed. U usually drag books with me or listen to pod casts. I have a large house all to myself, and I still go to my room when depressed.

I spent 2 weeks in there over Christmas/New Years.

I haven't hidden in there since the 2nd week of January. The waves of sadness are very few and far between now. They come, but don't hang around for long.

I've been keeping myself busy still. Exercise and home chores. I'm going out tomorrow and Monday to be social.

Nothing spectacular here really except people making lots of very positive comments and encouraging remarks.

V.

[wringer]

Hello group and thank you to Aries, Quirkywords, Leisa68 and all others for you understanding. When my bipolar rears up, it comes thru me when I have a vulnerability. Like as a migraine eases off and I am wrung out from the pain meds, then the bipolar can show it's self. And I become the opposite to my general nature and my husband is still unable to notice and so yesterday for three hours he argued with my tigress bipolar condition.

We have a strategy but my hubby reverts to bickering instead. No harm done this time, but I would like us to use the prevention strategy as the bipolar flaring can not be good for my brain. Bye