This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

I am sorry that happened to you about the services, velvet.

[Leisa68]

Congratulations quirkywords on the annual anniversary of no drinking. There are some real achievers here on this thread!

Velvet, it is an absolute mystery to me why you cannot get the help you need. Thank you for the heads up on how to talk to a friend who is going through what you are, I will absolutely keep that in mind. There is red tape everywhere on abuse, it astounds me.

Today watched an old Christopher Lee movie called "Rasputin the Mad Monk" which was interesting. Found some toilet paper for sale at the local chemist, so I relaxed on that part. Have to get my son's hair cut tomorrow...always an argument, he wants a mullet but the school doesn't like it, so a heated discussion ahead tomorrow at the hairdressers.

I hope you all have a good night.

[quirkywords]

Lejsa

i dont worry about toilet paper but if the shops ran out of tim tams I would not be happy person.

[velvetfaerie]

I guess not everyone understands every life experience and in negative cases that's a good thing. Like, I have no idea about being a mother. I guess asking questions and stuff is a good start.

I went to the gym. Absolutely needed it. Did wonders for my mind. One workout a week simply doesn't cut it in that regard. I feel so much better.

He's been playing the victim again all day and blaming me for us breaking up. Well yes, I dumped you. It's called having self respect, boundaries, and no longer putting up with your abuse. He used to triangulate me and his ex too. Sick ego serving games.

We need to exchange some last belongings. He left some here and took some of mine. No doubt a ploy. I said it's not happening until next month because it's too raw and upsetting for me still. They're not urgent items. No further conversations. I've popped his texts in the banished file on my phone ahhaha.

This weekend I'm planning on moving furniture for a new feel. Then going and checking out some paint colours.

I agree Quirky, toilet paper - meh. Chocolate biccies - I would sob.

[quirkywords]

I like the idea of moving furniture and paint colours for a new feel. I will be interested in what you choose.

One thing about the forum is many more people read posts than reply so with your honesty and insights you have written about your relationship it will help so many people not feel so alone and give them insights and a different perspective. You also have given many people hope that things can change.
For people with out that lived experience you have given ways of how they can help and understand.

How is everyone going.?

[Airies]

Hi folks, Quirky I just had another flashback to those songbooks at primary school,I remember puff the magic dragon and being a bit confused with The answer is blowing in the wind by Bob Dylan. For others to young to remember we would sing to these songbooks and pretty sure the musical notes were included.

Quirky , well done with a year without a drink. V glad you’re back at the gym.I’m lucky to ride once a week, yet I used to ride most days, going to see the podiatrist and see whether she can weave her magic. I’m getting pretty desperate but increasingly tired and frustrated by my lack of mobility and being able to exercise pain free.

Chocolate as you know I can’t do without especially chocolate bullets . Toilet paper we tend to buy in bulk from a cleaning place so rarely run out.

First day in a while without humidity yay , so over the heat. Hope everyone is ok.

[Airies]

V, a change of furniture, new paint, a fresh start. You’ve got a lot on your plate with work, your ex , counseling. Look after number 1 through it all you. You know re parenthood we just made it up as we went along. Luckily my wife has the patience of a saint. Me not so.
Just back from the drs, one of the nurses was in tears a lot on her plate. I couldn’t help but overhear and when she had finished with me I said I hope your day improves. I’ve had injections , bits of skin scraped off. A sign of my advancing years.

Looking forward to my son and his wife flying back from overseas. He had Covid and is now free of it. RATS are supplied free of charge and in bulk where he is so we will be well stocked

[quirkywords]

Aries

not only do I remember the songbooks, I was in one dressed up in my red cross uniform with 3 other girls in late 1960s.

I know with first child I was just worrying a bit but after 3rd child I was more relaxed.

Is your son returning to Australia for good or for a break?

[asdff]

I am so proud of you Quirky. One year of no booze. Airies, how exciting to be able to see your son and daughter in law. I’ve heard Singapore supplies RATs free of charge. I witnessed some people older than me buying RATs in the line ahead of me at the chemist. They didn’t have a healthcare car so they had to pay for them. I wanted to say I’m sure we will will all get it soon enough. If I feel any slight change I will be staying indoors, away from people. I could asymptomatic . I feel it’s only a matter of time before WA becomes like everywhere else.

[quirkywords]

Asdff
Talking as a person from the eastern states , it is amazing how quick one adapts to different circumstances.