This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

As I read about your heatwaves Asdff I sit shivering as I can’t bring myself to put a heater on in Jan.

[Airies]

Another few warms days here. I’ve a friend who I’ve known but he’s really hard work.I’m constantly irritated by him not that he knows. I want to make my small world a little smaller. I like it like that. I’m happy to see certain people once or twice a year.Just thinking of sending a text. I’ve my family, my pet and beyond blue.Am I being a grumpy old man

[velvetfaerie]

I think smaller circles of better quality is the way to go. I've been axing people simply because I've seen character traits I find disturbing and extremely self serving.

Have had a friend the last week or so emotionally dump massive texts on me daily. Now I have done this myself to others in the past. I know. I definitely slide to to corner of positive chit chat focus. Depends on the context.

So yeh She's been gung Ho. I've been dealing with a serious long term relationship break up. Stuff associated with that mentally. It's hard.

Last night and today the moving started. I've been very sad. Lots of tears. Some good conversations. Some kind of stroppy ones. Been a mix but positive.

I slept last night from 9pm to 2am and got up and started doing things. Just couldn't stay in bed knowing it was going to be 41 degrees and so much packing and stuff to happen. I have got boxes from work and helped pack and stuff. Cleaned.

I hope for a nap this arvo. I'm spent.

[Airies]

Hey V , try and take it easy through all this. Have you any time off from work as you pack and regroup. Once again you make so much sense. I was all set to excercise in the heat but once I did the household chores and dropped my son into town it will have to wait. On days where I walk and ride I sleep better and no prn meds. You’d think I would do it more often. Hope tomorrow’s a better day

[quirkywords]

V

I agree with Airies can you a day off.

you have so much patience, under the circumstance .You are so compassionate and caring.

I wish I knew why I am so tired. I hope that tomorrow is a better day and that I wontbe grumpy in the morning.

Lisa hope wedding went well.

Leisa, Asdff, hope you are ok?

[asdff]

Quirky, I below average. Went to the gym. Tried a dress on that used to fit me. It was right around the bum and legs 😞 😞 I want to know if it’s all prescribed drug use that is causing this weight gain. I’m not eating more or exercising less. I don’t feel there is anyone to talk to.

I hope V gets all of her jobs done and everyone else is okay.

[velvetfaerie]

It's hard watching someone & a relationship I invested so much into leave and end. Half my house is empty and it's not even close to finished yet. Kinda poetic. Kinda sad.

I have the public holiday off. I'll be ok. Work is a good distraction. I may not be in Tuesday due to booster shot the day before as well.

He is going to see a psych and asked me to come along to an appointment to give my 2c. We shall see. I said I'm happy to yes.

I should shower. I'm gross. Heat. Sweat. Packing.. lugging. Cleaning.

[quirkywords]

asdff sorry you are feeling low>
regarding weight< as you exercise and eat well maybe medication>
my medication puts on about ten kilos> having trouble with caps lock

[Leisa68]

Hello all,

I'm in agreeance that it is easier to manage when you have a smaller group of friends and family, any drama just makes life hard. I definitely do not think you are a grumpy old man airies. I cannot imagine how a long-term breakup must feel Velvetfaerie, I'm thinking of you.

My moods are all over the place, but I am trying to keep busy to calm down a bit. I did a home work out, Slept a little, and am now on the computer. The camel farm trip is finally happening on Tuesday with my son, so that should be fun. My partner is taking me to the local art gallery on Wednesday, I will go in my wheelchair, which is apparently what I am meant to be doing. I love the local art gallery, it is totally absorbing to me and brings me peace. A friend is giving me a facial on Saturday. Should be a good week, if only I could keep my moods under control.

I hope everyone is well and look forward to hearing from you all.

Leisa

[Airies]

Asdff, definitely the meds. I used to be so much lighter and since being on these meds have only been my old weight once but cut yourself some slack, you’re doing all the right things.

Thanks for the vote of confidence Leisa, I sent a message via message on the iPad . He’s a non apple person and now I’m confused as to whether or not he received it. I more or less said I’m making my world a little smaller. Happy to catch up once or twice a year. It’s been ages since I’ve been to the Art Gallery and Museum. It was always a school excursion.It’s good to find things that bring you peace.

V, Sounds like more room to spread your things around and a good excuse to get something for you as a fresh start begins. I struggle to put a decent sentence together , maybe a sign of my diminishing brain cells.I’ve one son leaving the nest soon and another returning from overseas for a few weeks, so busy times ahead
Quirky, hope the weathers warming up for you but not to hot.