This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

velvetfaerie · ‎14-01-2022

Right asdff? Right?

Omg ok let me snap my fingers and VOILA!!! I am a perfect, happy, 2 dimensional, fake human being. Oh and let me just snap the other fingers and BOOM my brain which is structurally DIFFERENT to the norm is now FIXED.

Now if it was their loved ones, or child, you can bet their attitude would be different if their loved one was being told those things.

Thats fine. I don't need them to validate me. I'm working on my mind set. That I can work on and find 3 positives a day. This I can get behind.

Also - work colleagues are not friends. Even if they're all besties, they're not my friends.

I went and did something for me too. 3 brand new pairs on new gym shoes!!!!

quirkywords · ‎14-01-2022

Thanks everyone for the comments.
I am feeling tired. I am feeling blah maybe similar to blergh.

Velvet glad you had a day off.

Asdff sorry you are feeling blergh.

Lisa , weddings are the time when people bring out arguments . All the best.

Hello to Aries, Leisa and goddess .

Leisa68 · ‎14-01-2022

Hello all,

First, to Lisa, I hope the wedding goes off well, some people have to put their two cents in, don't they? On the day surely everyone will put all behind them and wish the bride and groom well. If no then shame on them.

Looking through the posts, I think most people think as meh as me! It's a weird weird world, and I really hope we can all get through it, posting here helps. Quirky, how was riding a camel through the Middle East like? How amazing! I'd love to know.

Quiet day, lunch with friends, of course, the conversation turns to COVID-19 and I am over it. I just need to know the basics of how to look after myself and my family.

Cheers and high fives to all

Leisa

quirkywords · ‎15-01-2022

Hello everyone,

Leisa riding up hill on a camel is more fun than diwn hill. So I opted to lead the camel down hill as I thought camel might fall and I was a bit scared.

Do you think people tend to downplay their health by saying I a m ok, not bad, when they ate depressed or have broken k8mb$.n

Airies · ‎15-01-2022

Never ridden a camel, but riding an elephant in Thailand was an experience.Pooped today, went to a wedding , overshared, it was very hot and humid but given the weather predictions early in the week it was a blessing. It was a lovely wedding, outdoors and grateful to be invited given we weren’t immediate family. Over a lady in the street and that’s being kind, renting her house as a B and B and there’s 5 cars parked in the street , making a narrow street even more narrower. I think she will cop a salvo from a number of neighbours. She is not liked and with justification.
Hope everyone’s doing ok .

Leisa68 · ‎15-01-2022

Hi, quirky,

Personally, I find a lot of people tend to overshare in regards to their health nowadays, except for people with mental health issues. I think people with mental health tend to battle their way through things at their own expense. I know I do.

Back watching the cricket again......a definite tragic now.

Leisa

quirkywords · ‎15-01-2022

Leisa

I find people who have covid down play it. I stopped telling people about my moods as they would say, can’t you be happy so I stopped telling other people.

velvetfaerie · ‎16-01-2022

I hope everyone coastal over east is ok?? No waves ??

I want to explain a little bit. The work colleague / backstabbing friend who yelled at me regarding asking for hell with occ safety, who threw my diagnosis in my face, she sat there and lied through her teeth in the meeting I called. They all also colluded and supported her. She brought up irrelevant stuff as well.

This friend sent me an article months ago about adhd and how she found it super informative and it helped her understand me.

She unsent it on fb messages. The only way to remove a message. I know this because I carried out a process where your can obtain long ago deleted messages to obtain it. It happened because another friend / colleague remembered it!!!

I've removed her from the friends list.

At least I've seen her true colours. She's become the world's biggest hypocrite. She dislikes her manager who plays the game to suit herself and I'll have to congratulate her on becoming that person herself.

I won't waste my time trying to explain things to her or them. They believe their own lies. Like ex thing.

asdff · ‎16-01-2022

Quirky, can’t you be happy! Oh that phrase. Um yes, I would much prefer being happy to being down a well that I can’t get out of. Idiots say that. Inexperienced idiots. I had my Grandmother who I love dearly tell me it was a well. She, bless her soul has been severely depressed for her whole life. People, who experience depression understand what the depression part of bipolar is like. For me, I don’t get the high. I get hypermanic so it might appear to be a better mood. However, that crash is coming. I’m pretty sure I have crashed. I’m just waiting for the super low mood to kick in.
Re: depression. I have said bipolar should be used in warfare. If you could give the enemy what we have. You would win.

quirkywords · ‎16-01-2022

Velvet

Thanks for explaining.

how could someone who you called friend be so mean , be such a liar and be so hurtful to some one she once called friend, That is betrayal . It makes me so sad that anyone would treat another person like that let alone a friend.

Asdff, I have had bipolar for nearly 50 years and been taking medication for many years but Iife still surprises me. That knowing you are going down but can’t stop it is so frustrating .

I have heard people say, not sure if others have too. They say that they are a bit OCD because they like tidying up, having a bipolar moment because they are spending money, and , a bit depressed because their footy team lost .

We could all write a book things not say to people with mental health concerns.