This bipolar life

Kazzl · ‎13-06-2016

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

godless · ‎10-01-2022

I have a bad hair day going on because the hot weather has returned. The old plastic cup has come a long way some brands are real pretty. We are not allowed to take glass onto the beach so everyone has their own style of plastic cup, some are even flute shaped and very swish.

I procrastinate because I enjoy a detailed preparation

V' you are smashing it! and if he is reading this, then he can "suffer in his shorts".

asdff · ‎10-01-2022

Airies yet again we think the same! We are so similar. As for the scales, they are a roller coaster. I think that is why I banished them to a room I don’t in often. For now they are in my bathroom. I do wonder if it’s the starting medication bloat? I haven’t weighed myself since starting BP meds and I think they would make me retain water. Some shorts are tighter in the legs. If you saw how much I work out you would think it’s all muscle. I could get a body fat test done but I would end up obsessing. Unlike, I’m doing now. Ha ha.

Have a good day all.

quirkywords · ‎10-01-2022

I know my tremor is my medication as it is a kinown side effect. I have it very light compare to others.

Asdff like you sometimes I banish my scales other times I hide them, not much difference as I forget.

Velvet That is terrible that he is still checking on you.

Aries sometimes I have good intentions then I eat the feel guilty then have good intentions. repeat.

Leisa68 · ‎10-01-2022

Hi everyone

I don't each much during the day, it's the water weight from the BP meds that keeps my weight on. I am planning on another swim and walk every day as far as I can, which is not that far really. Today has been a catch-up reading day, tomorrow I am going for a trip to the beach, all I want to do is sit on the sand and lookout. I love the smell of beaches they calm me. It's just as well, the mood has been rather bleak today, and of course, I don't know why.

I am a member of a ladies club which also cheers me up, they have music circles, movie circles, theatre circles (of which I am the convenor), evening circles, weekend circles, art circles, and everything you can think of. It's rather nice to chat with other women during activities, I am often amazed about people's stoicism and ability to carry on, but it is hard for me to relate to it. I do enjoy myself at the club, we each have a key to the inner city venue to use for studying, reading, or to enjoy the activities. I especially enjoy the theatre.

Well, back to the strorm and dramm I hope you all have a lovely night.

Leisa

velvetfaerie · ‎10-01-2022

I've taken over the entire tech system at home.

I've probably lost 10kg in 2 weeks.

It is so hard being a fighter isn't it guys? Very tiring.

Keep fighting.

quirkywords · ‎10-01-2022

Velvet Congratulations for working out the tech system at your home.

I wish I was more of a fighter I often sit in corner and wait till the action is over.

I do fight my negative thoughts and peoples negative comments about me.

well done everyone for trying every day.

asdff · ‎11-01-2022

Like Velvet I am a fighter. Some of it comes from having an older brother who was mean. I had to stand up for myself. Some of it is my bipolar. I remember a woman being drunk at a party. We had loaned the host a CD player. It was time for us to go home. So we were taking the CD player. She said something bitchy to me. So I said something bitchy back. My blood boils quickly. Yesterday I did talk myself down from going into bitchy mode. Someone cut me off in traffic. We were both going to the same place. I ended up having to go the long way. I saw the same distinct car in the carpal. I could have gotten out and said something but I didn’t.

godless · ‎11-01-2022

I have a valid fight club membership, I have returned to work less hours and double demoted. My work clothes are a tad small so I am using a maternity trouser extension. I will need new clothes if the weight gain is permanent, still sort of trying to will my body into getting over these med side effects.

My old assistant has now taken my place, regrettably he sort me out to gloat. After hearing his assessment of my career demise. I sniped your a replacement and not a successor, Touche'

Leisa68 · ‎11-01-2022

Hi all,

Good for you godless. What sort of culture are we if people seek people out to gloat? I don't understand that at all. We are all surviving as much as we can, with what we have got. I can be a bit bitchy myself and have to hold back. I'm usually not the one to start but certainly can give it back.

There is no available stock of regular pain-relieving medications since a recent interview with the national medico, suggesting that this certain pain-relieving medication would be helpful during symptoms of COVID-19. I have to think, would I fight someone for a box of Panadol (thinking about it) if it was the last box. Or a pack of loo rolls. Might be up for that one too. Oh, this is such madness.

Leisa

velvetfaerie · ‎11-01-2022

Leisa - goes to show the selfish mentality society has. Speds.

I've been bitchy today too. Ex thing is being the perpetual victim so he can sell the latest story of hard done by him.

He tried to tell me I broke a law too. I'm like try again champ. Wrong!!! There is a difference between legality and morality and while we're at it, want to air your moral issues? Legal vs moral. He's a perpetrator of domestic abuse.

Don't. Try. Me.