This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[godless]

I broke and had a coffee today my excuse is that I woke with a stiff shoulder and yes it cancelled out the pain. Since the diagnosis I have been seeing a naturopath and she strongly encourages me to quit coffee, and I have , but for medicinal purposes thats' go to be, surely ok. I will not tell her because she raves and I won't pay to be told off.

I grew up with a hallway telephone bench, Ta for the memory. Did your doodler get pen ink in the mouth as she gave up the fags, maybe not. At work we have an amazingly pretty front desk operator AKA secretary she smokes but there was a time when she hooked a young man so fit and fine. That she started wearing a shower cap over her hair and kitchen gloves to hide to smell of her smoking. As far as I know she is normal!

[quirkywords]

Godless

I like the idea of a shower cap.

i had a friend who would use breath freshener to cover her smoking.

Aries all my eating is comfort and emotional

Velvet how are you.?

Leisa when the time is right for you may d3vide to give up smoking.

Lisa I hope kitchen renovations are Stressless.

asdff.,

I feel that because of your early childhood you are so compassionate with your children.

[velvetfaerie]

I'm OK. I walked this am. Took car for wheel alignment. Will be off to gym soon. Had phone counselling.

Went well. I am tired still but I slept ok last night. I go back to work tomorrow and I'll be taking things in hand there too. Time to put me first for once.

My friend I saw the other day has taken smoking back up. Lol.

I think we all need to be kind to ourselves. Been a full on 2 years for us all.

I have 2 parties to go to the next 2 weeks and one acquaintance asked me on a date. OH HELL NO!!!! No.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am glad you are putting yourself first.

I am glad the phone counselling went well.

[quirkywords]

I feel grateful that anyone can come here and feel safe and confident to be honest here.
The I see people give and receive here fills me with hope.
Thanks everyone

[asdff]

Thanks Quirky. You make this place a safe space. You were so accommodating and accepting when I first joined. I remember Velvet and Aries were too. Thanks to the others who have joined or rejoined the thread.

As Velvet said it has been a rough two years. This pandemic and then add in a mental health condition. It’s a minefield.

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

It's heartwarming to read these past few posts. I don't feel so alone. As I've mentioned my partner does not believe I have bipolar, but he is supportive of anything I need. My moods are all over the place some days, I've recently been through a period where the moods just did not stop, they were all over the place, and my mind was just running all the time. So tiring.

The support on this forum helps. Just talking about normal things but supporting what may be not normal is heartening. Went to the pool today. Decided to do laps. I have a little kickboard, and honestly, I felt like I was an Octopus on that kickboard - legs, and arms everywhere. However although I stopped a lot, I did six laps of the 50m pool. A lady pulled me aside and told me I have a long way to go, but I thought at least I am getting started. And then I pushed her into the pool. (Not, but wanted to.) Hope the rest of the day is good for you all.

Leisa

[quirkywords]

Leisa

well done for swimming laps. I would have felt like saying or doing something to the woman. I hope she wasnt staff .

My parents told me I was clumsy and I would never to learn to drive and I didnt.

I find my partner does not understand how tired I get and how I can cry for no reason. All he says is Have you taken your medication?

[quirkywords]

Asdff

thanks for your kind words.

yes it has been a rough two years .
I think when you people who struggle and never seem to get support you realise how thankful one is.n

[velvetfaerie]

Today I am asking the big boss for what I want at work. It looks positive anyway. I need to be selfish and stop putting myself last all the time. This contributed greatly to burning myself out.

There is a lot of good stuff here on this thread.

I think having MH conditions adds to the drain on us with life and things.

I've been at work. Focussing on getting things done and getting through work and out of work stuff. AND one of my air-conditioners died yesterday. Because why not huh? AURGH!!

Ex man thing LOL, we have been chatting. I've been very angry and hurt. Seems to coincide with rough sleep. We are sorting out who gets what- totally amicable. He sees he has a problem and says he's going to get help. Will believe that if I ever see it. Apparently he even told his mum and best mate about his addiction. They don't understand. I said yeh because you gloss over and aren't completely transparent.

Hot one today. I hope my air con guy returns my email!!!!