This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[godless]

best luck for the new year and all that, this heat has caused my BP medication side effects to flare up. This is my first summer on meds and this is punishing. I now understand why the Doc gave me a lecture about medication compliance. As much as this heat sucks I feel to emotionally raw to stop meds. Staying alive is a full time job, yes life certainly hurts ALOT when your sensitivity is on high.

Is the V person ok

[velvetfaerie]

Hello all. Happy new year. Been chill around here. I've been very tired. I've been reading. Talking to the male.

I believe I was wrong. Yes he still needs to address his issues. I've drawn the line. I believe his stuff with me has come from cptsd. Makes more sense. He was and still is the victim of narc abuse via the ex and now kids. 15 or more years of so much disgusting stuff has got to affect a man. Not an excuse but an explanation.

I'm even their target now.

He's continued the cycle due to trauma.

He needs to get help.

It's complex and I've asked him to reflect and learn. It's a start.

He's applied for 2 places to live in.

V.

[velvetfaerie]

More lies. He lies.

[Leisa68]

Hi all,

I have not posted for a couple of years, but am so glad you are all still here! Happy New Year, although I would have liked to have read the terms and conditions for 2022 prior to being launched into it. I have had a tough time with bipolar of late, reeling from one side to the other. I have a good psychologist and psychiatrist, but they can only do so much. Will keep trying though. Partner does not believe that I have bipolar, thinks that people are trying to talk me into it. This year I am going to understand myself better, might help?

It's good to post here again.

Leisa68

[asdff]

Let’s get through 2022 together. I feel the Happy New Year Spiel is a lie.

Leisa does your partner not see the mood swings? I can see them in myself. I get so low. I don’t get very high.

[quirkywords]

Leisa68

welcome back.

It is hard when one’s partner doubts one’s diagnosis.
I wonder if your partner can see that the help you are getting plus your own insights and sel awareness does lessen your mood swings.
are your lows worse than your highs or about the same.?

[velvetfaerie]

New year. New beginning. Sourcing counselling this week.

He's broken my mind but I'm taking it back. Taking back my life. My home. My sense of self. My confidence.

No mercy now. I'm not sure where the truth ends and the lies start for the last 5 years.

He makes me sick.

Tomorrow if I get some sleep will be giving him his legal notice to vacate.

[Lisa611]

Hang in there Velvet. We always fear change. Do what is best for you. The pain will pass over time. You deserve a healthy relationship.

Yesterday I didn't have a cigarette for 9hrs. Today will be a challenge. I have my patch, my mouth spray, lozenges and gum lol I brought everything I could to take the edge off. I also got an app. My partner has also stopped. One hour at a time.

[velvetfaerie]

I feel I'm caught in a trauma loop. I have hardly been able to adult this week. I'm trying and doing the basics at home. I need to go out to get food eventually. I don't understand but I feel unable to. I'm not scared of him or him watching me on the cameras or him coming here when I'm gone.... I feel like I'm so useless and hideous I need to hide.

Can't be certain. Have spoken to counsellors, friends and things and this is the aftermath of the abuse. Trauma.

My burnout I've been fighting..... I wonder where a lot of the cause was situated???? I RECKON SO!!!

I just can't trust anything this man has told me or said to me. Everything is always my fault. No accountability. Etc etc.

Lisa, I was so broken this week I've smoked half a cigarette. I've not smoked in 6 or more years. Yeh body wasn't impressed hahaha.

Addictions are hard however at least you're trying. If you try and fail it's better than not trying.

V.

[quirkywords]

Velvet.

I hope you get some sleep tonight and managed sleep last night.

That is so tricky knowing when the truth ends and lies begin.

Lisa,

wow both giving up smoking, I hope that works out well. Do you find you crave sweets at all?

Well done for lasting nine hours.