This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Absolutely Quirky. You get it! People need to stop being dismissive all the time. Especially those who run to you for help yet dismiss you're own struggles.

My aim is to start to just walk away from those types and I have started. It's all a double standard. They can have bad days as can their kids. My bad days at inconvenient and foo foo.

***eye roll***

The dogs being a pain today too.

[velvetfaerie]

Because i am stupid I didn't understand things with work.

I get it now. It makes sense. I just need to be brave.

[quirkywords]

Velvet you are definitely not stupid .
You may be have been trusting .
You are very astute and have insight into your behaviour and others.

I think your work is complex and many will not understand how it works.

I feel you are brave already.

[Airies]

Velvet, you are far from stupid. You come across as an intelligent, witty person and and Quirky captures it all so well. Just an off day at work for a mob that don’t seem to appreciate you.

You are brave, just by being here.I wish I could articulate it like Quirky. Be kind to yourself.

[velvetfaerie]

The mob don't appreciate any staff at all. This is probably why we are all ratty, burnt out, and over it.

I didn't realise but I need to have conversations myself and HR will facilitate it. They won't speak for me. I absolutely did not understand that. He also didn't mention reasonable accommodations and why. This would be because it needs to come from me and I can therefore explain first hand.

It all makes perfect sense. He just didn't explain it that way. I had to figure it out.

I read policies and yeh I go higher if things aren't reasonable. It shouldn't get to that.

I don't speak riddles at all. Lol.

[quirkywords]

Airies thanks for your kindness but many days I can not find an easy word and my words make no sense.

velvet do you think HR makes it hard for people so many will be discouraged.

[velvetfaerie]

Bravery abounds in this thread.

I think HR are to protect the business, not the individual.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I agree lots of bravery on this thread that we may see in others but may not ourselves.

HR needs to be there for the individual doesn’t it?

[velvetfaerie]

Tough bunch here.

You'd think re HR. But we see. At the moment it's in my court to decide who I talk to and about what. They'll facilitate this but I need to speak for myself. That's a good thing.

The girl who pushed my buttons might not be as open to my words as she should be though. It's she's right everyone else is wrong.

It's something to ponder. I won't bother if that's the attitude going in. It needs to be 2 people hearing and trying to understand.

Yay Friday. 3 more work days left this year. So happy.

[quirkywords]

Velvet I hope you get to rest when away from work.

Does anyone get affected by sad event in the news.? I find I have turn off the news.