This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lady_Stardust]

Afternoon, all! How are things?

Dottie it did help, and the home seems calm for now. Hoping it remains that way. And music really brings people together, doesn't it?​

velvetfaerie ​adulting is very hard sometimes, it's can be such an effort. Good luck with everything! Take it slow, one thing at a time, and I'm sure adulting won't seem so bad once you get back into the swing of things. (:

As for me, I heard back from one of the jobs I applied for and unfortunately didn't progress to the shortlist. I didn't really expect to and I know I shouldn't take it too hard, but it's difficult not to when it comes to rejection. I know my résumé isn't very impressive, but I'm hoping someone is going to take a chance on me. I've been searching for what feels like forever.

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Lady Stardust, I'm glad home is sounding more peaceful at the moment.

That must have been disappointing and disheartening. Rejections almost always sucks. I mean, even if it's not personal, it still sucks.

Random brainwave (I'm full of them): have you considered a slightly more radical approach in your job hunt. What about cold calling?

I mean, that's not easy to do but I know people who have landed awesome jobs mostly because the companies were so impressed by their go-getter attitude. Just a thought- you don't have to do it of course.

And agreed about music! It's the universal language that transcends all spoken languages like I don't need to speak French or Japanese, for example, to enjoy a French or Japanese song.

I'm not up to too much today. Day off work. Bad thing is less money. Good thing is it gives me more time to run errands (I'm currently putting off ha, ha).

Dottie x

[velvetfaerie]

Slow and one thing at a time is something I need to constantly remind myself of.

Ask my BF. 🙂

Just got to work. Mountains of science/labby/veterinary things to see to.

[Airies]

Hello folks,

how we doing? What a wonderful gang we have here. A diverse range of ages and backgrounds and we are abuzz. as a kid I used to run around with a bug catcher, plastic thingy for catching insects and mucked around with a microscope as well. Dorky kid who was alergic to bees and stung every year. My study days are behind me but DBT will be enough for my wee brain. Such a clever dick today , cleaning my row machine, pulled and tried to secure handle behind a chair end result handle flying through the air and end result busted screen:( ...won't be doing that again needless to say an expensive excecise.

Visitd my psych today, heart to heart discussion about reducing Some of my meds...staying on ADs for good and gradual reduction of some of the others.. Rapt with the progress I've made and she believes some of the meds are making the real issues.i actually ran out of my PRNs last night, survived ok, hence the discussion.Early days but progress.

Kazz before you know it you will be part of the furniture. It's only natural to be a tad apprehensive in any new situation yet alone a new work environment.

Chae keep on chipping away, something will come up. Rejection in any form is a bummer and I know that I tend to take any form of rejection harder then most. It's part of my makeup but one of the msny things I'm trying to change.

i need to sleep. Take a few happy pills,

cheers hugs Len

[Kazzl]

Hiya Len - thanks mate. Wonder what piece of furniture I should be ... think I'll be a tall and elegant bookcase. That works for me. 👍

Hope you sleep well my friend.

Cheers

Kaz

[Kazzl]

Morning all xx

I start school today!! Orientation session for the MH Cert 4 course this afternoon. I'm so excited, like a little kid haha.

There's a very good chance I'll be the oldest in the class by a long shot but I don't care. It's possible too that a friend from my bipolar support group will be there. I know she was planning to enrol. I hope so, then I'll have a little friend to play with at recess.

This is a big deal - I haven't set foot inside a classroom or lecture theatre for more than 30 years. Most importantly, what should I wear!!! 😄

Hope everyone has a good day, and thanks again for all your support and good wishes with my change of direction. I start work next Monday, so I'll probably be a mess of nerves then too.

Cheers

Kaz

xx

[velvetfaerie]

I hope today is splendid !!!

I think you will have so much fun. I am being back at school. I love the youngsters and I love helping them.

Off subject - My relationship is a shambles. Where should I post about this? Who can help?

Can't stop crying. I wish he and his ex would sort their SHIT out.

Chae.

[MallowPuff]

Good luck today Miss Kazzl! Hope it all goes well 🙂

Turned up to a running event last night, did a lovely 8km around Melbourne Zoo with some friends, was good to be up and about amongst my running buddies. I've shared my struggles with a couple of them, so they look after me which is great. This morning was a well overdue dentist trip.... been getting my Sh...it together, booking in all the right dr appointments and with a now drier than usual mouth (thanks meds) I was fearing all my teeth were about to fall out.... thankfully not the case. I've been blessed with some pretty hardy teeth. Made it to 40 with no fillings, just a couple of deep grooves filled.

Oh and at the run they had a beyond blue stand...went over and said thanks, grabbed a lovely blue wrist band, and got all weirdly emotional for a moment. Felt like bursting into tears and hugging the people there, calling out "I love you guys!".....

Len, good news on the meds front, good luck with cutting back (under supervision). Re the rowing machine, damn! Now that sucks... these annoying occurrences that come to test us... hope it still works fine though!

Overall still kinda flat.... quite a change to the hypo/mixed mallow..... thankfully it's a calm flat, a much slower mode.... a strange melancholy.... with moments of goodness and hope... hard work, but progressing.

And ive parked reading Unquiet Mind... was wonderfully informative, but hard reading. Quite raw in places...certainly not the humurous read of Wishful Drinking...

"spend your life doing strange things, with weird people"

I love my weird people 🙂 keep it strange okay!

[Kazzl]

I'm tickled pink to be one of your weird people Mallow! Well done on the run too mate! Fantastic - and I know the BB people would have been pleased you stopped by.

Chae - I replied on your other post hun. It's best with something specific like that to start a thread, like you did, because it will be more visible. BUT, feel free to post about anything here. This thread is just a place for us to gather - we can share and seek support about anything. Anyways, I'll repeat what I said - you deserve better and are worth so much more IMHO.

Hi to everyone, I'm a bit tired so won't stay, just wanted to check in. School was good and my friend was there, so I had someone to sit next to. This class is just for the scholarship holders, ie people with lived experience, so I'm looking forward to getting to know the others. I couldn't have an afternoon nap like I'm used to though. ☹️ Early night.

Cheers everyone

Kaz

xxx

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Chae, things sound extremely stressful with your BF. It really sucks when partners bring baggage and issues from a previous relationship into a relationship.

Len, props to you for your progress! I hope you're proud of yourself. It sounds like your most recent session/conversation with your psych went well.

Shame about the shattered screen. I hope it doesn't eat too much into your budget. Either way, accidents are a pain.

Kaz, I'm happy that class went well and that you had company too 😊 I hope you forge some meaningful friendships with your classmates.

Yeah, it must have been hard going sans afternoon nap. Maybe when you get into the swing of your new schedule, your body will adapt and you'll feel less tired.

Mallow, congratulations on completing an 8km run! That's pretty impressive!

Your running buddies sound like rad people who have your back. Your anecdote about feeling emotional at the BB stand made me smile. Hey, can I be one of your weird people too?

Your "strange melancholy" sounds like a dull ache as opposed to acute pain. Nevertheless, pain is pain. I know sad- extremely familiar with sad. Have never personally known mania or hypomania but sadness? That, I know.

Ivan, Lady Stardust, Tony WK and anyone else reading, I hope you're all doing alright (or alright-ish if you're struggling).

Dottie x