This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[MallowPuff]

Welcome back listeners to Mallow FM, the radio station with issues, and the hits, we're gonna keep them coming...

*sigh*

Super Crapola (tm) start to the day. Best mate, grew up with, kindergarten and primary together, life long family friend, been battling a brain tumor for the past few years, had been getting different less invasive therapies, looked like it was working... Till yesterday, now being hustled into surgery tomorrow. Have been trying to avoid the surgery as it almost guaranteed to permanently cause damage, vision loss (it's on his optic nerve), loss of balance, and who knows what else. He had leukemia as a child, a brain tumor removed at 18 which left damage, and now this. Can't get a break...

My other best mate, (we were a great little trio), is in the Alfred today getting a tune up, living with Cystic Fibrosis, and has defied all odds to make it to 40 years of age...

And Me....

Here's where I would type a very long list of expletives, hoping it's therapeutic...

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

I'm with Mallow, Kaz and Len that if you've been passively reading and want to chime in, go for it. We won't bite! Promise!

Mallow, I'm glad you enjoyed some quality time with your wife.

Sounds like a lot from An Unquiet Mind resonates with you- it must have been an eye opener in some ways. I've heard that a lot of people with bipolar can relate to Kay Redfield's personal experience. I remember skimming the first few pages at a bookshop a while back and she's pretty eloquent if I remember correctly.

Yes, you are, uh, "high maintenance" but worth every appointment and treatment, I'm sure 😊I think most of us on the forums are pretty high maintenance ha, ha. As for me, I'm nosy, obnoxious and high maintenance ha, ha.

Enjoy your 4 day weekend!

Kaz, you're the resident Sleeping Beauty. Don't worry, I'm sure your cells are thanking you for the peaceful slumber.

Your social companion volunteer gig sounds meaningful. I'm glad you and your companion get along. Well paired!

Hopefully good news comes your way !

Len, I guess we all have our ways of coping. Shopping just so happens to be yours (& I bet many people reading are like "me too!") The plus is your purchases means that you're all set for a range of activities.

I love your methodical approach to tackling your garden. It seems like you've figured out what does and doesn't work for you when it comes to bed and routines. Although it must be annoying when you wake up not feeling well rested despite an early night and exercise.

I've heard a number of other people on the forums mentioning Love Actually too- sounds like a winner. I vaguely remember seeing it but can't be 100% certain ha, ha.

Happy cruisin' ⛴

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi Mallow (shoutout to everyone else reading too),

That's very sad news. I don't understand any more than you do why some people just can't seem to get a break (sighs). Hopefully, if nothing else, his surgery goes smoothly.

Your other best friend with CF is quite the survivor. I'm hoping he's in good hands at the Alfred.

I think your expletives are justified. Sometimes swearing is very therapeutic- I recommend it. I'm on my "best behaviour" on the forums but I definitely have my swearing moments too.

Hoping for the best for both of your best friends (or as best as things can be, considering the circumstances).

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi Kaz, Mallow, Len, Tony and anyone else reading,

I'm currently lying on my bed, medicated and feeling okay. Let's just say it was worth paying the extra 20% more for these meds (although my wallet is hurting a little from it) ha, ha.

I enrolled in my units for both semesters today, and for the first time in 3 years, I actually have a decent timetable 😊 The downside? I was 1.5 hours late to work as I wanted to login early for the best class times...anyways...

I should probably get out of bed and be a more productive member of society now ha, ha.

Dottie x

[Airies]

Hi folks,

Dottie you are a breath of fresh air. Glad to find you in a good headspace and feeling ok.Nosy, obnoxious and high maintenance, don't change a thing. Well worth it.Sounds like you in your last year then? I know timetables stuffed my boys around. One has finished , might do honours but would much prefer to land a job. My other son has 1 year to go, suffers from anxiety and is thankfully seeking professional help.My wife and my boys are my world.. Meds thank god for them. They are certainly costing a pretty penny, my problem is I'm taking them all at once. Last night , stayed up late,no excercise and all my meds and I had some vivid vivid dreams, scary stuff but only myself to blame.

Mallow, some people get the rough end of the stick.Life can be so cruel at times but modern medicine can do wonders. I mean look at us.

Kazz 1963 was a good yearear, I m an Airies Btw but some shuteye works wonders.Dottie was right,once again in proclaiming you the resident sleeping beauty.Your volunteer work sounds so rewarding , I used to do respite in between career change before it all went to crap and found it so rewarding and an eye opener. Will be cruising the South Pacific, great fun, value for money and did I mention the food , to die for,

Well folks it's 09:03 , Roger F is doing it easy in the tennis, going take my meds and hopefully have a blissful sleep,

see yu on the other side

Lenxox

[Guest_322]

Hi everyone,

Len, nah, it's not my last year. This year is the halfway mark as I'm doing a 5 year double degree. So I have another 2 years to go ha, ha.

Hopefully your son with the anxiety has a smooth year (or as smooth as possible). I'm glad he's receiving help, and you sound like a supportive dad so that's 2 big ticks in terms of his mental health. As for your other son, I'm sure he'll figure out his path in good time. It's beautiful that your family means the world to you.

Last night must have been rough. The dream you had must have been very unsettling.

You do you now. Hoping you enjoy peaceful slumber tonight.

Dottie x

P.S. Your cruise sounds fun!!!

[Airies]

Hi folks,

Dottie half way there.my son tells me double degrees are common. Hats off for you.2 years is nothing in the scheme of things. As for being a supportive dad, I try but my wife is the sensible one in the relationship. She is the family rock.

Last night I slept well, no dreams, it's a daily battle.ive discovered your thread and glad you are here.Hoping you had a cruisy day and have a good one tomorow . Cruising is the bees knees. Waking up each day in a new port in your floating hotel. One of the islands is totally deserted except for the ships visit, idyllic to say the least,

Have a good one hugs Len

[Ivan0491]

HI all

I was invited to this thread by Kaz. Only been around a short while. Thought I would pop in and say hi.

I have just come out of a depressive cycle that nearly put me back in Hospital. During the past couple of weeks I have suffered with hallucinations and suicidal thoughts the lack of sleep and the voice inside my head really took its toll on my mental health.

I choose to be med free which leads to life being like a game of russian roulette. I want go back on meds as they just put me in a foggy coma.

Any way looking forward to chatting with you all.

Regards

Ivan

[Kazzl]

Hiya Ivan - welcome mate, glad you found us. Sorry I wasn't here when you posted, I've had a busy couple of days. Hi everyone else too!

Ivan - that's a hard choice to make, between a rock and a hard place so to speak. As I think I told you elsewhere, I've been on a mood stabiliser for about 9 months and I'm not sure I could manage without it. But I sure understand the desire to be medication free. And I know the awfulness of constant brain fog (which I had when I started on meds, along with other side effects).

I think it's a matter of what works best for you and what you are prepared to live with. It's entirely your choice, which only you can make in the context of what you need to do and be in your daily life.

Anyways, by way of introduction, this thread is a place to chat with fellow bipolars and friends - about being bipolar and about pretty much anything else really. We support each other and we have some fun and silliness too (as you'll see if you read back a bit - we even have a virtual band).

I'm sure the other regulars will introduce themselves. I'll kick it off - I'm Kaz, 53, live in Canberra. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about 9 months ago after being treated with depression for 15 years. I'm also a non-practicing alcoholic, sober nearly 6 years. After the shock of the diagnosis settled, I was relieved to realise there was a reason for so many things I'd never understood about myself (including addiction) - too many to name really. I'm still learning, about the disorder and about me. Guess it's a lifelong thing.

When were you diagnosed Ivan? If there's any experiences or thoughts you want to share, feel free. Whatever you're comfortable with.

I hope everyone here had a good Aussie Day - mine has been quiet, just the usual garden, cricket etc. Barbie tonight and then a get together with my daughter tomorrow.

What's everyone else been up to?

Cheers

Kaz

xx

[Airies]

Hello All,

Welcome aboard Ivan, im also 53 and diagnosed bipolar type 1 about 14 months ago. Have tried various meds to find the right mix, had numerous hospital admissions, ect treatment and to say I was in a bad place is an understatement. Since April last year I haven't been in hospital. I've clawed my way out of hell through professional support, family support, proper diagnosis and an acceptance on my part. I've ceased friendships, taken the necessary steps to be in a good place more often than not. Next week I see my psych for the first time in months. I think she will be pleasantly surprised. I'd love to be medication free, I really would but I'm scared to try and to be brutally honest I'd be stupid to try. I don't want to revisit that dark dark place again.i don't think I could do again. Before this diagnosis I suffered from depression for majority of my life and diagnosed with ADHD for 20 years.

Great bunch of supportive people here. They truly are. Great Australian Day today. Went to the flicks and watched LaLa Land. Pleasantly surprised and well worth watching. I danced out of the cinema,

tomorrow s another day

cheers Len