This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[white knight]

One of my assets is being decisive. Except when it comes to diets and my eating habits...there is no discipline there.

So on my 60th birthday earlier this year I decided I would no longer worrying about my weight...why? Because I've worried all my life and that worry hadn't resulted in a good result.

So while I'll watch what I eat and get some exercise in, I've removed a factor that could end in a stroke if I kept stewing over my weight.

It was time to move on from that line of thought.

Tony WK

[MallowPuff]

Morning....

tough week... Man flu.. struggling. Finally booked into re-engage with my psychologist (made the booking last week), and was sort of looking forward to it tonight, and the poor thing is also ill, and I've been pushed to next week.. not good....

and Len, yup, something in the back of my mind, running as far and as often as I can, while I can.... just not so much in the last few weeks though...

[MallowPuff]

WK, an taking your comments on weight as input to the many things swirling in my head 🙂 hoping it reduces the worry for you too! Have to remember that weight is not so much the issue as is being overall healthy and active!

So I'm going back onto the medication. Running out of puff trying to be 'normal' and it's probably not actually effective. This week has also been so up and down it has really been a challenge. I was 'managing' okay I thought until I hit man flu, and then it sort of stopped my in my tracks for a couple of days. Sleeping 4 hrs a night probably wasn't helping recovery either... So I am enjoying a better sleep on the mood stabilisers... still have to try to get to bed earlier, but working on that...

Nearly the weekend again, nearly better (man flu).. hoping to get a weekend this time after losing most of last weekend to man flu!!

and Kaz, hope the daughter visit is going well! Enjoy!

[Airies]

WK,

you make so much sense. I do profess to fussing about my weight which over the years has done my head in. I've made some drastic changes, not eating red meat, potatoes, bread, skipping meals and eating only when hungry. I've lost little weight and realise that if we're to eat more frequent as in 5 small meals, I'd provably kick start my metabolism and loose weight a bit more sensibly.

MallowPuff I used to get colds and feel run down pardon the pun post my marathons. They take so much out of you and it's important to take it easy so you can bounce back better for the next one. It's been 17 years since I ran that distance so my advice might be old hat lol.

i actually fired up my spin bike yesterday. Took it very easy, but it was great to feel the blood pumping and my heart pounding out of my chest.With some weather in the 30s (yay and about bloody time we had some sunny wether) I plan to don the Lycra and hit the road. So much has changed this year, I'm getting my mojo back . Amazing what the right meds, medical intervention, supportive family and great support here on BB from some beautiful , special people. It just goes to show what a bit of tenacity will do. I see the quack tomorow regarding my 6 month follow up post DVT. I know following the scan the other day something is slightly ammiss but will soldier on.

Kazz, haven't forgotten about you my friend, hope you had some magic quality time with your daughter,

cheers all

[Kazzl]

Hiya Len and Mallow - how are you guys?

Mallow I hope your manflu's gone, terrible thing manflu. Great to hear you're back on your bike Len - are you enjoying it?

I'm in a bit of a hypo state at the moment - head's all over the place wanting to play instead of focussing. Not sleeping, can't settle, racing thoughts ... and I bought seven pairs of shoes yesterday. It made perfect sense at the time (still does) they were all less than half price. But today I realise I probably didn't need them all ... 😊 You know what it's like right?

Anyways, the reason I bought so many shoes (well, my rationale anyways) is that I will need them for my ... wait for it ... NEW JOB!! Yes, I have got me a job, just a casual position at this stage, which is what I wanted because I'll be studying next year. I'm now a mental health peer support worker. How very bloody cool is that! F- the public service, I'm gonna do something I actually care deeply about. Not sure yet when I start, but I can't wait!

Meanwhile, daughter's visit has been interesting. Not as much fun as I'd hoped, but that's the way of it.

Anyways, hope you are all feeling OK and enjoying the sunshine!

Cheers

Kaz

[Airies]

Congratulations Kaz,

see one door shuts another one opens. Fantastic news on the job front well done.Makes perfect sense to me as well. You can wear a different pair every day. Half price as well and there's nothing like a bit of retail theraphy. F the public service as well. My sons 21 birthday today so proud as punch. It's a warm one here today 31 degrees. It's come out of nowhere and 22 tomorrow. Typical of the weather this year bit like me all over the place lol. Actually doing ok.My course ,meds and one on ones seems to be working. Living "normally " if such a thing for me exists. Having been on the bike yet. Today was supposed to be the day buts its way to Hot. The specialist on Monday advised me that my main artery in my leg is still blocked but the other veins are working and he's happy. I'm also to ride with caution as if I have a fall I will bleed out.its like riding without a helmet. My reckoning is that if I fall or collide with a car will come off second best anyway. Have always been a defensive cyclist anyway. It's all good though. I m still here.i m rapt for you Kazz following your passion and following a career choice much more befitting. Hope it's sunny in your neck of the woods

cheers Len

[Kazzl]

Hiya Len - thanks mate. It's always good to talk with you. Yes I'm chuffed about the job.

Hahah, I thought you'd understand about the 'retail therapy'. Hey, I know someone who bought the entire contents of a small shop when he was manic, and someone else who bought a boat. At least my shoes fit in the wardrobe. 😄

I'm still a bit jangled tonight - had a meeting this afternoon about something important to me, now of course I'm turning it over and over, reliving it, did I say the right things, why did I say that, why didn't I say this ... exhausting. There's no consequence regardless, so I wish my brain would just shut up for a while.

I'm sad too because my daughter's going back. Sigh.

Glad you've got such good weather Len. Ours is good too at the moment. Perfect gardening weather. Did you have a party for your son? 21 eh? Make you feel old? Haha. My eldest is 30 and youngest 27.

Now about this cycling ... newly trained first aider needs to know - do you know what to do if you're injured? And, did you know you can get an app on your phone that will connect you with the emergency services and provide GPS locational data and such? A good thing if you're going far or riding in unfamiliar places.

Have good night mate, chat soon I hope.

Cheers

Kaz

[MallowPuff]

Hey Len,

Enjoy the ride, and stay safe 🙂 gotta drag my bike out and enjoy the wind in the hair too, now the weather is improving...

Kaz,

Congrats on the job, and the celebratory shoes! Need to go factory outlet shopping myself for some new runners 😉 tempting...

and me, no more man flu, back on meds, psychiatrist appt next Tuesday...

[Kazzl]

Hiya Mallow - I'm glad to hear the manflu's gone. I had a dose of it ealier in the year (I'm sure it was your actual manflu, caught from my hubby) and it laid me flatter than flat. Horrible thing.

How are the meds treating you so far? Mine took quite a while to settle, both with efficacy and side effects - worth it once they kick in though.

And how are you feeling about seeing the psych? Hope it goes well and he/she is a good one.

Factory outlet shopping - oooohhhhh. I want. 😄 Sadly, I think I've done my dash with manic shopping for a while. Think hubby's coming with me next time haha.

Thanks for the congrats on the job. I'm still home waiting impatiently for a start date.

It's hot like almost summer hot today. The rampaging bamboo in my backyard has doubled in height overnight (true!), so time to attack it again.

Have a good day Mallow, you too Len mate.

Cheers

Kaz

[Kazzl]

So, after the hypo buzz comes the inevitable crash. Sigh. At least it's predictable.