Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Ggrand]

Dearest Tess..🤗..

Please don’t apologise for not replying.....It’s really okay,

Tess...sweetheart it’s okay to post here, that’s what here is for..if your constantly struggling with the same issues, do so..please...it helps to get get it out of our mind...My post and I’m certain other posts are also about same problems...So go ahead beautiful Tess..I’m here for you...Even just talking about anything gives me..some contact with others as I don’t see or talk to anyone else until the following Tuesday....except here..and it helps to know that people care...

I don’t like mornings..if I don’t get up and do something within the first couple of hours..I then just lay around most of the day...I can relate to how hard it is to do get up do things....Then I feel bad with me..because I didn’t do things..it’s a never ever cycle of going round in circles....

Its beautiful to hear that you have a supportive sister who cares about you and that you talk on a regular basis..That’s gold...Maybe your other sister is having a hard time mentally....Just my thoughts....Do you occasionally ring her and talk to her?....

Please Tess..use here when you feel like it..to talk about your little or big triumphs..the weather..how your feeling..anything at all..because it might give you some relief from your mind..I know sometimes it takes me hours to write out a post...that’s an hour+ of getting out of my head...Tess...if your not feeling good mentally please don’t be shy of writing here...and if your feeling good mentally and have accomplished even the smallest of task...please also write on here...I’m listening and I’m sure a lot of other people are also listening only...

I hope your day today is good...and would love to hear about it..if you feel to share..no pressure lovely lady....

Sending you Kind wishes..with love and some hugs..💜🤗🤗..

Grandy..xxx

[Birdy77]

Hello Tess,

Grandy of course is right, it's absolutely ok to come here and talk about what's going on, even if you feel like it's the same old stuff. It can help to get things out of your head (says me, who hasn't been near my thread for an age 🙄).

I can very much relate and have heard many ither people talk about feeling at a loss in the mormings and feeling better as the day progresses. Being in that new home, and maybe lacking the daily structure you were used to having contributes to that lost feeling.

And yes, when you get up and start doing things, it helps you to feel better, but the problem lies in locating that elusive motivation. Sometimes i find forcing myself is the absolutely only way to get the ball rolling. Doesn't feel nice at the time, but it feels better later.

I hope you are having a better time with your son, and not being yelled at. That sure doesn't help the mood either.

Are there any ways you can think of to help your place feel like home? I am slowly making my new place feel more like home by gradually creating my garden here. It's helping, and it's awesome therapy.

I hope you are enjoying the day even a little bit.

🌻birdy

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

thanks for the message. I have actually managed the last two days and been busy. On Wednesday I cleaned the house! Not very exciting I know but I even quite enjoyed it. I shall do a bit more today, in readiness for my little granddaughter coming for the weekend.

on Thursday I went outside and swept and tidied up and planted some plants and that felt good too. Small achievements but needed to be done. I even cleaned the bbq.

the only trouble is it all leaves me rather tired and aching.

Today I shall bathe my doggies and move some plants later. This evening I may pop into the neighbours for a little while, they have drinks every Friday.

We seem to have this outdoor plague of little moth things they come up from the grass, very annoying.

i hope you are ok and getting on with that rag doll

love tess

[Tess2]

Dear Birdy

thank you so much for your post . I really appreciate the helpful and supportive message. As you may read in my reply to Grandy, I have been busy the last few days. It has helped and I feel a bit better about my environment as a result. It may not be beautiful but it is at least cleaner and tidier.

I am gradually working on the garden and it is therapeutic. I can’t do too much as I don’t have much money to buy plants.

Ah well never mind eh?

yes, my son and I are much better now, that does make things much easier. I love him so much, but seem to irritate him at times. But I understand the frustrations he has too and try to be tolerant.

Well I am going to get on and bath these dogs,

i hope you are having an ok to good day, and thank you again

tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Lovely Tess...sweety Tweety...🤗

I hope your both feeling good today...

I really should clean my home..but I think I’ll wait until these dust storms are over with..It’s nice to hear that you kept yourself busy and enjoyed it...Keeps our thoughts away for awhile....

Small achievements put together becomes a large achievement...well done with the planting of plants and sweeping out your back area...I bet it looks nice..

A weekend with your little granddaughter will be soul healing for you..I hope you have a very enjoyable time..with heaps of good memories being made....I missed out on grandma..grand baby time..I am so happy for you that your able to do that...💜..

How did you go bathing your dogs...I struggle to get mine into the water but once their in they seem to enjoy it....I hope you and your pooches had a splashing good time...Um..do you end up with more water on you then your dogs...I usually do...

Enjoy your weekend Lovely Tess...I’m happy that your mind will be entertained by your gorgeous little grand daughter..

Kind thoughts...with love and hugs💜🤗..

Grandy...

[Birdy77]

Hello Tess, hello Grandy 😃

How was your weekend with your little granddaughter Tess? How lovely to have time to build that special bond.

Lucky you having clean doggies. I shaved my two last week, so they're looking a bit handsome, but i skipped the bathing. I am like Grandy and always end up just as wet as they are. Mine have this weird thing where they don't recignise each other after a bath? Like, I'll bathe one, then let him out and his brother will be all dominant and "who the heck are you?? I don't know you, what are you doing in my house???" Until i grab that one and put him in the water and he's the most miserable sad boy in the world.

Good on you for tidying up your yard and garden, that can feel good. Like Grandy said, little achievements can add up to a a good feeling, even if it's a slightly good feeling.

Did you end up going for drinks at the neighbours?

How much area do you have to garden in now? I understand about mot being able to do much with limited funds. My neighbours and i swap things sometimes, i dug up some daffodils and jonquils the other day and left them on her doorstep, she gave me some seeds, my other neighbour gives me prunings of things and i stick em in the ground and see of they grow. Maybe you could start a trend like that? Free plants! What's not to love about that!

I'm pleased things are better between you and your son. That has to help.

Ok lovely ladies, i hope you're enjoying the day even a bit today. Maybe you're recovering after busy grandmama time Tess.

🌻birdy

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess....🤗..

Im popping in to see how you have been managing...

I was so happy to hear from you on mine..

Are you okay..Tess...

kind thoughts, sent with love and hugs

Grandy...

Grandy..

[Tess2]

Hi Grandy,

thank you for your kind post, it means a lot to me. I have been very anxious and up and down. All over the place really. But I am ok . I am trying to get going on this lovely Sunday, but feel litttle motivation to do so. I really want to get my dogs bathed and their beds washed today, so I might start there.

I hope you are ok and having a relaxing day.

Tess

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess...🤗..

Im pleased to hear that your okay..Anxiety really is hard to manage...My anxiety has been the same up and down..which causes me a fair bit of confusion a lot...

I washed my dogs last week..after I shaved them...They have been hard to manage for me..They have beautiful long fur, but it has been falling over the house and it got to much for me..it’s the first time I shaved them..and the last..I hope you enjoy your time washing your dogs..Do you get as wet as they do...I do😂😂😂..

I hope your day was good sweety...and you got to enjoy some of the beautiful autumn sunshine....

Talk hear anytime Tess or mine..Please don’t hold it in..if you need to let go of some thoughts or feelings, I’m a good listener and try to help..when I can...

Please stay safe and take good care of you..It’s really lovely to hear from you..looking forward to talking some more..

Kind thoughts lovely friend..with my love and caring hugs..🤗💜..

Grandy...xx

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy, thank you so much for taking the time to write here, I really do appreciate it. You have so much going on yourself.

yes, anxiety is shocking and really restricts your behaviour and relationships.

of course at the moment with all this covid stuff life is being made very difficult. I just hope it proves to be worth it. I am going along with it all, but am rather sceptical about a lot of the so called advice.

i did wash the dogs, but now they need doing again. And they need clipping. Yes I do get nearly as wet as they do, but I don’t worry about it. It is quite fun.

take care grandy

tess xx