Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Tess2]

Thank you stormcloudz and Grandy,

your support and messages have helped, i have had a dark weekend. I have accepted an offer on my house, but there are some conditions that have been stressing me out and i felt unable to cope with them over the weekend. I wont go into detail as it is complicated. But it could put the settlement at risk. I also have to find somewhere else to live in a very short time . It all overwhelms me and i feel i cant deal with it. Packing up the house then what if the sale does not go through and i have to start again. Why is it that for some people these things must seem to be really smooth. My anxiety has been really high. I know that this is something people go through everyday. But that is making me feel worse that i cant manage it. The support here has been terrific. Thank you tess

[stormcloudz]

Hi Tess

I was really glad to see your post pop up! I admit I said a few little prayers for you as I know things are tough.

I have neighbors who are selling their house of many years, and they have been worrying about many of the same things as you - wondering if it will sell, trying to work out if they should pack up, feeling anxious about moving. They have found it tough going.

I think most people find real estate stressful. Isn't there research to say that moving house is one of life's big stressors? So I think you are doing really well under difficult conditions. And you are also having to deal with lots of triggers for anxiety and depression.

I know the sale conditions are stressing you out, but can I still say well done getting an offer on the house. You have worked hard for that!

I don't know if you want practical suggestions, but regarding the packing - could you start packing the stuff you are unlikely to need in the immediate future? Books, stored stuff?

Anyway, glad to hear from you. Take care of yourself - lots of hot water bottles, puppy time and gentle distractions.

[Guest_1584]

Hi.

Yeah it is really common when selling and l do fully get it's also about your situation itself hugely on top of it all as well, and l'm sorry your in the position.

But oddly enough l took a funny offer for mine too and it is pretty common don't worry and so hard to decide especially alone. Mine was the only serious offer l'd had but it depended on him selling his place , but theer was so much riding on it and l was alone and still in a mess too , and then a new place and the whole box . l thought not a hope but funnily enough he sold in a few weeks and it went ahead. There was much more to it but point is in the end well , l got through and you will too. You've got this.

There's a million other weidr and wonderful combos too so don't worry it's not just yours , having a bit of a passion for real estate l've heard some classics over the years .

Good luck with it and hang in there eh.

rx

[Guest8901]

Dear Tess

Good news re accepting the offer on the sale of your house. Fingers crossed that the conditions are met without difficulty, and the sale goes through.

As stormcloud rightly pointed out, moving house is one of life's great stressors. So its little wonder your anxiety has reached fever pitch.

One step at a time dear lady, and everything will fall into place. Break down your tasks each day, write them down, tick them off.

You have much to do, but remember to set aside some time each day to try to relax and do something enjoyable.

Thanks so much for your post to my thread yesterday. Your words meant so much to me. 🌸

Amanda 💜

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess,

I hope things are going okay with the sale of the house...If you don't find another house in the time frame you've been given, both your solicitor and buyers solicitor will work out something. ie:- cheap rent where you are now...they cannot throw you out on the street and they don't, they will make things okay for you...Same happened to me. The home I bought had a tenant in it..took nearly two months after I bought the house that I could move in..tenant had to have somewhere to live first....

How are you holding up hun.?...

I agree with Stormcloudz..( hello). That maybe if you feel up to it start packing things that your not going to use...I wish I was there helping you through this, but I believe in you that you are a strong and very capable person..I know that you can do this..🌹💚..

Take your time and don't rush, try to enjoy your search for a new home and turning that corner to a new direction..I have a lot of faith in you that you can do this and you will come out on top...

I think everyone struggles when they sell their house and has to buy another one. especially first timers like you and I but hey if I done it I know you can as well...

I hope your day is a little better then yesterday...Please hun, take time out for yourself, look after you, eat properly, drink enough fluids...and try to sleep enough..your important to a lot of people here. Your support and encouragement to others including myself is really outstanding..Thank you..

Kind thoughts, and caring hugs 🤗.

Grandy..

[Tess2]

Thank you Grandy and others for your thoughts and suggestions. I am really bad today. Anxiety is giving me chest pain. I am going to my gp this morning I can’t go on like this at all something has to change, but I don’t know what or how. I am totally crushed and scared.

Tess

[stormcloudz]

Tess

I have also had chest pain from anxiety (in fact I had an expensive visit to a cardiologist). I understand, it's unpleasant and a bit scary. Please remember that it won't actually hurt you, and that like me, after the high-stress period passes, this will settle down. It's a very sensible idea to go to the GP, as she will want to check that it really is anxiety and that there are no other causes for chest pain. She might be able to advise on the anxiety. Did you end up going, and what happened?

Please remember that although anxiety is awful, you will get through this.

[Tess2]

Thanks all of you for your ongoing support and kindness. I saw my gp on Wednesday and she started me on a new AD I am hopeful that this one will work. And they say you don’t gain weight on it. This is important to. Me as I have just lost 12 kg in the last 6 weeks due to the stress and anxiety. I needed to lose it. I am not a big person and small amounts of weight matter. She also gave me a mental health plan . Yesterday my son and I went and looked at a house. It was ok not really what I am looking for, but he liked it as it would be easy to have separation in living spaces and two master rooms at either end of the house. It was a bit old and neglected but that can be managed. It is not in one of the best areas and I am not sure if that bothers me or not. I currently live in one of the posh suburbs and they have their advantages. But I don’t mind leaving here . It is just a big adjustment.

I still find the mornings really hard but am a bit better I think. I almost going looking at more places this weekend.

My son has started packing stuff. Which is good. But I have a lot to sort. I will start that next week.

Once I have moved I will look for some part time work also

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess,

Im really proud of you for going to your gp and getting a mental health plan started, I hope the change in meds will be more effective for you..and that talking to someone will be a big help also...Very well done..

I hope that you will find a place that you can both be happy in, it will probably take looking at a number of houses until you find the one that feels right..My thoughts are with you in this new direction of your journey..

Im pleased that your son has started packing for you, he will be a huge help for you,

Please now Tess, try to enjoy this weekend looking at what could be a new start for you, I'm sure that once you have settled into your new home, things will start to improve for you and your health, that's my wish for you..

Kind and caring hugs,

Grandy..

[stormcloudz]

Hey Tess, I'm glad things are moving along a little for you. How are you doing now?