Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[Tess2]

Thanks for responding Grandy,

especially given how you are. I have been travelling really rough over the last few weeks. And I feel a bit lost. I suppose it will get better.

Tess

[Lee lee 73]

Hello Tess,

It will get better. Is there anything in particular that's been going on, upsetting you?

Lee

[Tess2]

Thank you Lee,

i am sad, and not functioning very well. Someone very close to me is dying in another state and I can’t be with her. She is my birth mother who I found about 35 years ago. We became very close and I have very complicated feelings around this. I lost my beloved mum, 13 years ago. So it is very careless of me to have lost two mothers. But I have gained so much from knowing her

tess

[Lee lee 73]

Sorry to hear you're not doing well Tess. Would it help to voice here, those 'complicated feelings ' ? I'm guessing one of the reasons you can't visit your birth mum is finances? So sorry to hear she is dying Tess.

To lose 2 mothers has nothing to do with you being careless dear Tess. There are things and circumstances in life that are beyond our control - I know you this, having being a nurse. It seems you blame yourself for a lot of things Tess, unnecessarily and very unwarranted dear friend. You're important too.

Lee

[Tess2]

Dear lee,

thank you for your kind reply. My remark about being careless was a lighthearted attempt at humour, sorry. My mum, who raised me, died 13 years ago at the age of 101. I grew up knowing I was adopted then when I was 32 I found my birth family too and we grew close. My birth mother had a serious stroke 18 months ago and recently went downhill very quickly. There are lots of reasons I did not go over to Melbourne for the end. I feel flat and odd.

It is a strange feeling. Different to when my mum died. I would like to be feeling more grief I dare say it will come

tess

[Kathleen_]

Hi Tess.

I’m new on here and don’t post much but I just wanted to say that it sounds to me like you have achieved a lot.

A caring son that you still have the strength to support through such a trying time. You must be a really great mother. A home that you have paid off enough to sell for a profit. such a long career that you obviously valued.

I’m sorry that things are difficult now, it seems that you have worked hard and certainly deserve a break. I read your post and saw much to respect. I sincerely hope things get better for you.

[Tess2]

Dear Kathleen,

thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them. I do try to see the positives in my life but I am battling at the moment. Hopefully this will pass but I just want to sleep my life away at the moment

tess

[Birdy77]

Dear Tess,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your birth mother. I think it is natural to feel flat and odd. I wanted to remind you to try to honour whatever other feelings arise, and allow it all to be felt, even if the emotions feel strange.

A friend of mine lost her mother a few months ago, and although they had been estranged for many years, and there were many complex feelings, many negative vibes, she described feeling incredibly lonely after her mother passed (she wasn't able to be there for the end either, her mother was in Perth and she was in Sydney). She also described feeling flat and strange, just as you have.

I did smile at your "to lose two mothers is careless" quip - was that Oscar Wilde?

Be gentle with yourself as your grief unfolds in all its different ways. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.

🌻birdy

[Tess2]

Thank you Birdy,

what a lovely message. I will allow myself the feelings. I have lost my adoptive mother 13 years ago and that was a terrible loss. I adored her. This is different, but sad. And I feel for her other children and husband and what they are going through. I do feel sad.

tess

[Tess2]

Hi

I am really finding today very hard, my anxiety is at an all time high and nothing I do is managing it. Life is just too difficult for me at the moment and I see no way clear.

i am lonely an d alone . It has to get better

tess