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Struggling to go on
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Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.
Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.
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Thank you for replying stormcloudz
these are all good suggestions. A moving firm is expensive so we are trying to do all the packing ourselves. But it seems to go on and on and I can do hours and don’t seem to make an impact
i feel very panicky right now. I am going to get a hot water bottle and go and sit in my bed for a while to see if I can calm down.
Tess
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Oh boy, that's so true. I remember packing up my house and being amazed at the mountain of STUFF I had. And there is always a mad rush at the end where you end up just throwing things into boxes. I've moved a lot : ) but mainly from small units.
If you are like me, you might be trying to have everything perfectly ordered and labelled - maybe take the pressure for perfection off if that is the case.
Great idea to save some money on the move if you can.
I hope the hot water bottle helps, and that you can get some rest.
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Hello Tess,
Love your avatar, I like anything fantasy or magical, your avatar is a little of both...
Tess I read about your packing and it took me back to 2.5 years ago when I had to pack up my belongings as well on my own..,It is very overwhelming, so please don't push yourself to much...I will admit it was so hard to do, but I know you can do this..try having the radio on or a song that you like to listen to, then pack and listen to your song together, It doesn't make the job any easier but it's does help a little with distraction...
Deep breath when you start to panick if you can and look around you and try to focus on something completely..I'm really so sorry that you're struggling so much..
Be very gentle and kind to yourself Tess..
👼Grandy....
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Thank you both for your faith in me to get this done. I just wish I had it too.
Th avatar is a picture I took last year when on hOlinda you in Cornwall. It is from the lost gardens of heligan. They are worth looking up on the internet. This is the giants head. I love it and it reminds me of a very happy holiday with my dearest friend.
tess
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Hi stormcloudz,
i am in the midst of packing got so much to do. The place is a mess. We hopefully move on Friday afternoon then on Saturday morning I will come back here to finish cleaning and it is all done bar the unpacking at the other end. I am mega stressed about and get really tired, I wish I could see an end to the packing part. Then I can start cleaning. I am really worried about finances and all that. , but I will just have to try to go back to work. Being focused on the packing is helping me not be quite so anxious. But I get anxious at night. When I stop. Thank you for visiting
tess
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Hello Tess,
You really are doing an amazing job, well done..Packing is like a type of distraction, while your busy, your anxiety and mental health runs away...
Maybe at night, try to unwind by reading or watching a little tv or meditation, just something to try to relax you..
One minute if looks like your never going to finish the packing then the next minute boom 💥 it's all done..
Be Kind and gentle to yourself..and good luck tomorrow, I'm wishing you some light tomorrow to help you on your way....
Hugs and care..xx🤗🌹🕊.
Grandy..👼🕊..
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Dear Tess,
How did you get along with all the packing over the weekend? I expect by now you are finding less to do, packing wise. Its a few years since my husband and I last moved house. But I did all the packing myself as well. Its arduous, time consuming, physically demanding and seemingly unrelenting. Its also rewarding as it comes to a successful conclusion. Or perhaps thats just a feeling of relief? 🌹
Are you going room to room or are you being a little bit indiscriminate and panicky? I tend to be a very organised and systematic person, a lot to do with my OCD I suspect. So I put a lot of unneccessary pressure on myself to get things perfect. Each thing in its place, each fully labelled, each box in relation to the new room it will be going into, and all 'like' things together, all perfectly wrapped. Linen closet, kitchenware, glassware, cooking pots, canned food, packet food, fridges (urgh - on the day) cleaning equipment (last). So much to do. Clothing I found to be difficult, although the removalist had dropped in some of those portable hanging racks which were fantastic, and made things much easier. Other clothes just went into big boxes all neatly labelled.
I expect by now you'd be surrounded by a sea of boxes, with very little left except what things you are still using on a daily basis. I really feel for you because moving is such a highly stressful time for anyone. And for you - due to downsizing, needing to look for work post-move, etc its also very much a life changing event.
From all that you have told us here, I think you're doing a fantastic job. I know it doesnt feel like that to you, because you are feeling swamped by having so much to do, so much to think about. But at the end of the day, you are getting through it, its all happening, you're making it happen. Give yourself a big pat on the back for that. Yes, I do have faith in you. And so should you.
Its tough that, while you are having such busy days and thus in need of restorative sleep, you are not sleeping well at night. Unfortunately thats when our minds start concentrating on things we still need to do. Hard to let go. Keep a pen and paper beside your bed. I tend to think of things I need to do once my head hits the pillow. Then it churns through my head, worried I'll forget by morning. Write things down and then try to let it go.
I also love your new profile picture of the giants head in Cornwall. Thinking of you in your sea of already packed boxes.
Amanda 🌹
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Hi Tess
I know it's only been a couple months, but I hope you're feeling a bit better about everything.
It sounds like you feel powerless and lonely. You are loved, and worthy. Tell yourself that every morning. Build your confidence in your decisions by trying to stop negative thoughts in their track. Instead of laying in bed for a couple hours each morning, telling yourself how lazy or useless you are, or how there is no reason to get up, just jump out of bed... don't let yourself even think about making a decision. Those first few seconds in the morning, where you decide whether to get up or not, will help decide how the rest of your day will be. The best thing I've found is to just get up, without thinking, and make my bed. Already I have achieved two things I can feel proud of... two magnificent feats of a person with anxiety and depression. There are days when we will fail to do this, and we habitually retire ourselves to our negative thoughts about how worthless we are... this is what we need to stop. When we slip up, we need to tell ourselves that we will be gentle with ourselves and not call ourselves names. We are a person battling an illness, and we need to treat ourselves how we would treat a small child going through the same turmoil... we need to nurture ourselves. Try to tell yourself some positive things, every morning, in front of the mirror. Get some sticky notes and write positive things and leave them where you'll see them throughout the day. Write and say things like "I am worthy", "I am loved", "I am beautiful", "I always try my best", "I am strong", "I attract friends", "I can handle the sale of my home" etc. When you think something for long enough, you start to believe it. This negative thought spiral is often why people become depressed in the first place. Let's treat ourselves with love.
You are not a burden, Tess. You are worthy of all good things in life. You are worthy of friendship and love. You are a strong woman, who can handle this new adventure.
If you are having anxiety and panic attacks, and feel everything is out of control, please please please visit your doctor. Anxiety/Depression medication helps to correct chemical imbalances in the brain, and it may be what you need to consider to get back on track.
Best of luck x