Struggling to go on

Tess2 · ‎23-04-2018

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

Tess2 · ‎25-06-2018

Hi storcloudz

thanks for that

I am really anxious and overwhelmed , there seems too much to do and too little motivation. I feel like crying and yet I don’t seem able. I feel really stuck ina bad place. I just want this to all pass

tess

stormcloudz · ‎25-06-2018

It will pass Tess. I know anxiety makes it hard. Keep breathing, nice and slow.

One thing I have found helpful is to think about how long I can bear to do a task for. Then I have a rest. It might be 2 mins, it might be 10 mins, it might be an hour. It seems to help me, as I know that I'm only going to do something for a limited amount of time, doesn't matter if it's done in 2 minute bursts. Then I try to block everything else out and remind myself I can only do one thing at a time, and something is better than nothing.

Sometimes I get more done than I expected, sometimes I need the rest. You could give it a try and see if it works for you.

Tess2 · ‎26-06-2018

Thank you

you are very supportive, everyone is. I had a really bad night being unwell,and have had a bad headache today . Now I feel hyper anxious and can’t stop it. I just want to feel well and capable again.

stormcloudz · ‎27-06-2018

Yes, I find a headache makes things harder to take. I hope you can get some gentle rest this evening in a warm bed with a hot water bottle, and that it helps a bit.

I think you will feel capable again - it took me a while too, and it's difficult to recover from anxiety in the midst of a move. You'll be in a better position to recover when things settle down a bit. In the meantime remember to occasionally slow down your breathing.

Ggrand · ‎28-06-2018

Hello Tess,

Hows your headache going..I use a cold/cool hand towel wet with water around my neck, it takes the sharpness away, well mostly..

I feel once you decide on a new house and you move it and start making it your home, your anxiety might ease off for you....

How are you going house hunting and packing etc? I hope your handling it okay and your son is helping you especially with the heavier boxes...I hope your feeling a lot better then a couple of days ago... Take care, Tess,

Hugs xx🤗🤗 the comforting type..

Grandy..

Tess2 · ‎29-06-2018

Thanks grandy

yes I have made an offer on a new house, I am not sure it is the right one, but I am running out of time. I had hope that I would never have to leave here. But life has not turned out like that. I am desperately anxious and frightened. It seems a silly thing to be so scared about. I feel so low and can’t rise above the feeling.

Tess

stormcloudz · ‎29-06-2018

Tess

I know that you probably don't feel it at the moment, but - congratulations! That is such a step forward and you have done really amazingly well to organise this while so triggered. I'm impressed.

I think it's natural to be unsure about the new house and the move, but the security is important.

Fingers crossed that your offer is accepted and things go smoothly.

PS don't know if it's useful to you, but sometimes I find that it's easier to accept that I'm anxious (as opposed to trying to talk myself out of it). I kind of give myself a little pat and say, it's OK, you're anxious, you have some triggers at the moment, that's OK, keep breathing : )

Tess2 · ‎03-07-2018

Thank you Grandy and stormcloudz

i am now trying to get all organised. There is so much packing to do. And I feel panicked by it all. This is not useful panic that results in action but terror and I can’t do anything. I feel so useless.

i value your posts

tess

Tess2 · ‎03-07-2018

I feel my depression is taking a hold on me at the moment and I need to get on top of it. I have started new AD med but have only been on it for two weeks. Getting through the next two weeks seems overwhelming. And that will just be the moving hurdle. Life seems very hard. Any advice ? I don’t feel like I need to ring help lines, but need something in my life to help hold me up Tess

stormcloudz · ‎03-07-2018

Hi Tess, good to hear from you.

How is your offer on the new house going?

I understand about the freezing and being unable to act. I am thinking about what usually helps me get moving....I know it will be different for everyone, but it is worth giving things a try to test them out. I think there are a few things for me:

- talking to someone about the fears and getting some reassurance. For some reason offloading the concerns seems to help, maybe because I can hear that some of my fears are unlikely. I think that's why we often suggest the helplines, because those folks will be happy to listen. But so will we, so if you would like to list out all the fears you have here, please do.

- starting with a small task, as this tends to break the freeze for me, but I usually need to talk to someone first.

- acknowledging that I am freaked out, and that's part of anxiety, and accepting that, then sort of doing some work despite it. It doesn't matter if you are crying while packing. It's hard to do this though if your energy levels are really low or you can't settle at all, so don't worry if this doesn't work for you.

- spiritual practice. I am not religious, but discovered a philosophy that I can relate to, and sometimes spend some time reflecting on that. Meditation works sometimes.

What are your thoughts on things that could help? Are there things that have worked in the past?

I am really bad at another option, which is getting some physical help. You might be more skilled at this. And you certainly deserve it. Is there anyone who can give you a hand, even just to get you started? I know you are reluctant to ask your son. Or a moving firm?

You are not useless, you just have an illness that is making it harder for you to get things done. And actually, you are managing, step by step. You are even helping out others on this forum. You are looking after yourself by posting and trying new medication. You are actively managing your situation, which is really great. I think you are underestimating your successes!

Please don't worry if you can't relate to the things that work for me. Give them a try, but Grandy will be along soon with a bunch of other ideas I expect.