Struggling to go on

[Tess2]

Life is being really hard for me and troubles keep compounding. I cannot face wading through what is needed to move forward I feel isolated and alone. I have people who care but I think they can be overloaded with my despair and it can be a burden. There seem to be obstacles all along the way.

Two years ago I lost my job. A career of 50 years. I am 66 and have no partner. I have not coped well with this loss and now have significant financial problems too. I have to sell my home. Pay off my mortgage and buy a new place. I live with my son who is very caring but I have suppported him financially and emotionally through the family court. His ex is trying to remove him from his daughters life. I feel I have reached my retirement years with very little and no joy. Depression has been a big part of my life. But I have managed. Now I also have severe anxiety. It paralyses me. And panic attacks. I don’t know how to do each day.

[stormcloudz]

Tess

Losing your career can feel devastating. Your view of who you are, and what you do in the world, can be shaken to its core. It can take a while to rebuild. I also had to leave my high-powered job, and basically went into a sort of shock. I want you to know that I am better now, and doing something that I think is worthwhile.

Do you want to tell us a bit about what happened? This is a good place to pour out your loss and anxieties - many of us will have had to make our own adjustments to working life, and there is little that would surprise us.

Perhaps you are going through a profound mourning period for the life you had before. And you are still in the midst of that change. No wonder you are depressed and anxious. It's understandable, and it's very hard to see beyond that trauma when you are in the midst of it.

Take a little heart from the fact that others on this forum have been in similar places, and have improved. In the meantime, we are here for you as you work through the grief, pain, and anger. Croix with great wisdom has pointed out the unexpected ways in which you are showing resilience - everyone here will have enormous respect for that, and also understand that at some times you feel completely depleted.

Sending you companionship and understanding.

[PamelaR]

Hello Tess

Yes, losing a career can have quite a significant impact on how you feel about yourself.

Croix and Stormcloudz have offered some very good support. And as they said you have shown extraordinary resilience. So there's not much I can offer other than some things from my own experience.

I retired last year and did go into severe anxiety and major depression. It was a loss of status, income, intellectual pursuit (to keep the brain active), plus.... I realise you can't compare this to losing a job. I think I'm try to make the analogy of how one grieves for a loss. The stages I went through were denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There was no set pattern to how these stages hit me. It's been a struggle to pull myself through, but I did.

One thing I've found is to find outlets, I've two volunteer roles, started growing our own organic food, have photography as an interest and learning to get back into camping. I use to read a lot, but now because I spend a deal of time behind a computer my eyes get tried, so I give them a rest, rather than read.

Also, happy to listen to anything you might like to open up about.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Tess2]

I just feel i cant go on any longer. It is all too much. Too hard and lonely. I dont want to talk on a crisis line, it is not helpful and i dont want to go to hospital. Injust want it all to stop

[PamelaR]

Hello Tess2

Ohhhh, I feel your pain Tess. It's so enormous, this balloon filled with all the negative things from your life, filled to capacity. Can you breath slow deep breaths and expel all that negativity from the balloons as you exhale? You may not be feeling like doing that at the moment. Focus on your feet, on the ground. Let your feet sink into the ground.

I'm holding out my hand for you. Can you reach it?

[Tess2]

You reaching out means a great deal. I just need to see a light at the end. I only see hopelessness. My future is so uncertain and i cant deal with that.

Thank you

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess,

Im really sorry your struggling so much..

Tess, 2.5 years ago I had a house on 8 acres and leased a general store/post office in my town...2 Years ago, my shop went broke, I had to just close it close it up no one wanted to buy it..Then I had to sell my home...then I bought a cheaper, very small home, and paid the shops bills off..I was/am extremely stressed I moved into my new cheaper home ..Only to have the towns people coming day and night yelling at me for going broke and shutting the shop up, that went on for weeks..

Now I live in this same town,of 200 residents.. no friends..and I'm alone totally. My husband passed away 1.5 years before I bought the shop..my kids live 7-8 hours drive away..I'm stuck here on my own, I'm 62yrs old.. can't sell because if I sold this house, I could only afford a front door of a house anywhere near my children..But Tess, I'm not about to give up..I have been fighting my loneliness, and it gets overwhelming a lot of times..I'm crying now talking to you,,but No I won't give up trying to live a normal life..and I won't give up on trying to help you..I think you are a very special person..

please Tess, try to destract your negative thoughts, it's a start to beginning self help...no one want to have the pain we're going through, We have to try to help ourselves, because the sadness,loneliness, depression, just won't go away by itself..Please Tess please try to do something you like when you're thinking bad thoughts..colouring in, jigsaws, solitaire..

Tess, please take care of you..

Im joining Pamela in holding your hand..hold tight,

Warm and caring hugs🤗🤗.

Grandy..

[Tess2]

Oh Grandy, that all sounds overwhelmingly terrible. My heart goes put to you. I really do try to take on each day. I am stressed leaving the house and fearful for the future. I hate being 66 and having so little. I am going to have to go back to work to make ends meet and that scares me a lot. I am scared that if i did try to take my life that it would not work andi would end up waking up in hospital and then all of the awfulness that goes with that. I have to try to keep going. Being so far from your children must be hard. My eldest son lives in the UK and i miss him and seeing his family grow up. I struggle more each day with that. It feels like an enormous loss. The mornings seem particularly hard to get through. As darkness descends i feel a bit better. Like i cant be got at. I feel awful that you are crying. I will hold your hand back. I dont cry much anymore. I have this feeling of pressure in the middle of my chest. I keep hoping i will have a heart attack, but i am annoyingly healthy. I had breast cancer 8 years ago and i have even hoped that would come back and i could just leave it to run its course. That is a terrible way to be. I have no relationship. My husband died many years ago although we were separated we were close and i loved him. I cant seem to maintain relationships with men and have not been in one for several years. Not that inthink that would fix anything, but to have that personal support would be comforting. I am glad that you have found ways to help push yourself through as i need people like yu and the others who have shared with me here.

[Tess2]

Thank you Pamela, i will try to hold your hand. I do try I just dont feel like i am getting anywhere.

[Croix]

Dear Tess~

I know that what works for one is not the answer for another, and that for you hospitals and crisis lines are not going to fix things (though to be honest I think your view of hospitals is a bit limited).

Your actual situation, being alone, having to think in terms of work and family far away is hard, and no easy answer. I tried to explain before that what made me feel more able to cope was a change in me, not circumstances. Although when squarely looking at things they seemed just as bad I was not as focused (or limited if you like) and was able to not look squarely at them for a while but think on other things, like my books plus getting out to walk.

You probably understood what I meant the first time and hard though it might be to envisage distraction and trying for enjoyment is an out.

Getting a job may seem very daunting, but at least for me has an upside. There are good people out there and if you are lucky you might work alongside one or more. Work itself can be something to bury yourself in, a distraction in it's own right. When my partner passed away, and at other times, it's been all there was.

I can understand mornings being the worst, have you considered arranging your days to accommodate that, even if only making it your time to post here?

You are finding good people already, Stormcloudz, Grandy and PamelaR are living proof.

Croix

[Tess2]

Ii think that i have a realistic view of hospitals. I have experienced both private for mental health for myself and public, mostly with my son. I worked in the public health system most of my life. Dealing with mental health is not a neat pathway for professionals and not a good fit. I dont see how they help much . But everyones experience is different. I think i have to reset in some way, but cant quite see it yet. I hate getting older. It has neber sat well with me, not that being young was all that great. I am just whining Imwill stop

thank you for your help